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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to pay for dp car?

42 replies

JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 18:15

After being a sahm for the past 3 years I have finally started work again, and I'm loving it. When I wasn't working I had no money at all for myself or the bills I needed to pay which were in my name (Catalogues etc) that we were both using.

I booked us cheapy holiday and we go next week, dp car is buggered so we're having to get a taxi to the airport. I've been saving whatever I can these last few weeks to pay bills and for money while we are away. Dp has done a food shop, brought odds n sods this weekend and paid his car finance, petrol etc. I get paid the day before we go away.

Dp has just said will you have money to fix my car? It needs 101 things doing to it and I don't know how he thinks I'm going to afford it, from now until we go away I have to pay all bills rent/sky/£200 taxi to the airport and spending money to go away with!

I know couples put all money together but since working I am massively begrudging paying stuff for him, I'm probably being out of order but when I was at home I constantly had to ask him to pay the bills let alone throw me a tenner to buy myself some clothes! I've ended up in so much debt which finally I'm able to clear! He also has a spare car which he uses for work which I said he can use until we can properly afford to fix his petrol rinsing thing.

Aibu? I don't know what to suggest as I'm paying for everything coming up an not sure if I'll be able to afford it!

OP posts:

smellybeanpole · 03/09/2017 19:01

OP. I really think hes taking the piss. If you're in an equal relationship (doesn't seem like it ). You both need to share the responsibility and help eachother out at times like this. He sounds selfish.

Original poster

JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 19:05

I thought I was being selfish not wanting to put money towards his car being fixed. I just thought it's not something that needs to be done straight away when he has a car to get to work and can having shopping delivered

OP posts:

happypoobum · 03/09/2017 19:05

It does sound like he is a pisstaker.

Get the train or a coach to the airport - £200 is madness.

ChickenBhuna · 03/09/2017 19:07

Agree with smellybeanpole, you need to be able to sit down and talk about bills every payday with him. If you can't do that your finances will always be a mess.

SonicBoomBoom · 03/09/2017 19:10

Who got the quote for the £200 taxi to the airport, you or him?

Honestly, you'd be cheaper hiring a car for the journey. £200 for a 1 hour journey, someone is scamming you. Either DP or the taxi driver!

scallopsrgreat · 03/09/2017 19:11

Why isn't he paying for the taxi then? Mind that really is the least of your worries.

He constantly threatened to walk out? He says you've changed since starting work read you've become more independent and I don't have the same control over you?

He is an arse. How about you save some money by not taking him on holiday (I appreciate it is probably far too late to get any money back but it's worth a thought for future holidays).

What is he adding to your life? And how long do you think you can live like this?

scallopsrgreat · 03/09/2017 19:14

And with regards the car. In a non-financially abusive relationship, yes you'd be right. Partners would help each other out. But where was his help and money when you needed it? Why did he think it was OK for you to get into loads of debt, but not him over household expenses?

Does he pay for anything for his child?

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 19:20

A 200 pounds taxi to the airport for an hours drive? Are you sure? That doesn't sound right. Can't you get public transport and maybe a cheap hotel the night before?

ohtheholidays · 03/09/2017 19:28

Could you pay a friend or family member for a lift to the airport or use an Uber,Coach and bus or bus and train surely anything would be cheaper than £200 and why would is other car not be suitable is there something wrong with it?

If there isn't anything wrong with his other cat then he needs to stop being a twat and use his other car.I'd also suggest you sort out the other money issues as well either you pool your wages in together and pay everything between you or you have seperate finances and sit down and make a plan for who pays for what he can't have it both ways!

Iamtheresurrection · 03/09/2017 19:31

For perspective a taxi from west fife to Glasgow airport is £80 for just over 1 hours drive.

ChickenBhuna · 03/09/2017 19:39

Is he paying his mate £200 to do it op?

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/09/2017 19:45

If he wants more than one car, the cost of running the most expensive one of them has to come out of his personal spending money. An affordable car per driver is a necesscity. Spare cars or flasher ones than are affordable are personal treats.

Is the taxi £200 return or £200 each way? Even if it's a guzzler, I can't see how it won't be cheaper than £200 if you shop around for parking - that shouldn't cost more than £50 for a week. Or get someone to give you a lift if public transport isn't convenient. Covering their petrol for two round trips and a little extra on top to say thank you should be cheaper than one round trip plus parking - you can always return the favour for them when they go away.

It sounds like he is disorganised, rather than short of money. Why aren't all the main bills on direct debit? Saves loads of hassle with 'getting behind' with things.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 19:48

For perspective a taxi from west fife to Glasgow airport is £80 for just over 1 hours drive

Yes, about that price from West Sussex to Heathrow, iabout an hours drive, f you go in the wee small hours. 200 is extortionate.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 03/09/2017 19:54

Who calculated the cost of petrol and parking?

Who got the taxi quotes?

If it wasn't you then I suggest you quietly go off and get the costs yourself. His numbers do not ring true.

apostropheuse · 03/09/2017 20:07

I imagine the £200 must be the return fare - £100 each way, but that's still extortionate. A thirty-five minute taxi journey from where I live to the airport (private hire taxi) is £29. Are you getting quotes from black hackneys?

Original poster

JustKeepswimminn · 03/09/2017 20:41

Sorry I should of said it's for a return too. I agree with you all. Barbara that's exactly what I've been telling him this afternoon, he's saying his car is essential I said well you chose to get one on finance that rinses petrol, honestly it's ridiculous.

After basically saying I don't want to pay for his car I feel like he's really up my arse.

It's mental how things change and how people are when they have "power" over you money wise. Now I feel I have him always asking me for money, I'd actually feel uncomfortable to ask him for anything when I was at home!

OP posts:

Neverknowing · 03/09/2017 21:23

Op he's financially abusive.
Ofc he didn't pay the bills that were in your name because then even when you're working you can't really leave him as your financial position is too bad. Leave him.
Abuse is a cycle and your children will become a man like him or be with a man like him.

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