Aibu or is MIL

[Sunshinegirls]

My mil has invited us round for a family dinner on a Sunday evening at 6pm. She lives 16 miles away and we have two children ages 7&9. By the time it's all over it will be 9ish (dinner won't be served till around 7 even though the invite says 6) so by the time we get home it will be 9.30pm, kids won't get to bed till 10. It's a Sunday night, the kids have school the next morning. Aibu to refuse the invite because of this, is she BU to invite us at this time on a Sunday, knowing her grandchildren are so young and have school? I have spoken to her about this before, yet here is another Sunday evening invite. A refusal usually offends and upsets her and causes lots of grief. Would you go to this dinner with your kids? It's not like it's a regular occurrence. I really don't know if I'm being precious. I usually put my 7 year old to bed at 7 on a school night. 9 year old at around 8. I have no problem keeping them up late if they don't have school the next day.

Personally I wouldn't go. We are more relaxed about bedtime on non-school nights as you are but I know my DD would be tired & grumpy at school the next day for a normal Sunday dinner, not even a special occasion.
I'm sure some would disagree but I tend to plan meals around DD because she's the one who gets the most tired, grumpy, upset etc.

Yanbu. Kids need sleep, especially when they're young and have school the next day. Can you explain this to your mil? Say you'd love to come, but could she do dinner earlier, 3 or 4pm? If she can't accommodate you then don't go!

YANBU

I wouldn't go. No chance I'd start the week tired for a non special event.

Any offence taken wouldn't register.

YANBU. Mine does this too so I only accept on eg Fridays. 7pm dinner is far too late for us.

Since my dc started school both my dm and mil have started doing Sunday lunch at 1pm ish so all done and dusted by 5/5.30 ready for bath and bed.

YANBU

Sorry posted too soon. So yanbu to decline the invitation as it will be you struggling to get dc up In the morning for school!

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I would decline the invite and say you would like to come during the day. I wouldn't make my dc tired the next day for school just because of a random Sunday dinner.

You DH needs to tell it to her straight.

YANBU.

I'd just reply that you'd love to come for dinner but that Sunday nights aren't possible during term time. Suggest a Saturday or Friday or Sunday lunch instead,

I think when you don't have small kids any more it's easy to forget.

I'd say fine but we need to leave by Xx to get the kids home to bed as it's a school night.

We would visit friend way over the other side of London for Sunday lunch (brilliant hosts so we would end up staying for dinner) and ds would sleep in the car and be absolutely fine for school the next day. Not that we were doing it every week! Very much a rare treat.

Decline but maybe you could offer for them to come to you instead, and they can stay after kids have gone to bed? Just for a bit obvs

Thanks so much everyone, Its a relief to know that I am not being unreasonable. I have discussed that Sunday night isn't good for us a few times over the years but she either doesn't listen to me or maybe she thinks that I am being precious so ignores me. It's frustrating. I will definitively get DH to deal with this one. Thanks again.

Gosh, who eats Sunday dinner at 7pm?? Does she always eat so late?

Say you can only do lunch.

Does she think it is ok for young kids to stay up late on a school night?
Is she trying to cause trouble?

She sounds tricky. If you tell her that your youngest goes to bed at 7pm so sorry you can't come for a meal at 6pm, what does she say? How could she possibly get upset about that? Do tell us what her argument is!

I would go either - maybe suggest she does tea on Saturday or dinner at 5pm instead - keep saying no and get DH to tell her as well

Could it not be lunchtime?

The reason she likes to have the dinners so late is so that she can go out for the day on Sunday. She basically prioritises her own schedule over ours. She is quite a self centred person. She has invited her other children to the dinner as well (they don't have children yet) so I can't just ask her to come here.

Gosh, who eats Sunday dinner at 7pm??

We do, but that's not the point .

I wouldn't invite people with young children for a Sunday evening meal, that is totally unreasonable.

However why isn't your DH having the conversation with her? Or why don't you invite her to your home for Sunday lunch?

You asked... so: yes I would go, but we always have flexible bedtimes depending on "life" . If it was every week, I'd be saying something, but generally one night later than normal will not kill them.

If it was past when I would like them to go to bed, then they get into PJs and snuggle up at their gran's, then probably snooze in the car.

We often take advantage of cheaper travel at the end of school hols and have sent them in after a 10 hour flight the day before. Kids are resilient, can take all sorts of bedtimes... if you let them.

Decline for the reasons no you state and drama is hers to own. Invite round yours later in the week if you like. Simple imo, but I'm not swayed by other people's hysteric generally

Nah my older 3 would not have handled a late late and then a day at school without being fractious and overtired for a couple of days. Not fair to expect them to either IMO.

Just tell MIL no ta, it's a school night.

late late? late night.

YANBU - kids bedtime matter a great deal.
Is MIL always so selfish?