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AIBU?

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Original poster

Retracting police statement

49 replies

depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 11:44

posting here for traffic
Can I do either ? I am in Scotland and I made as statement regarding an incident with my ex partner on Tuesday. at the time I was scared (not of him just anxiety) I hadn't slept more than an hour in 2 days. we had a very very minor altercation and to be honest I don't even remember what I told the officers that attended. the officers said it didn't sound like a great relationship which I think scewed what I said to them. i was worried about his mental health and still am but I was never in any fear from him and now I'm out from under the depression cloud I can see that . is it too late to change my statement? how would I go about it ? tia

OP posts:
fuckingroundabout · 03/09/2017 11:46

You can ask them to but they can decide to prosecute anyway. If there are children involved think very very carefully before you do.

troodiedoo · 03/09/2017 11:46

Was he violent towards you?

troodiedoo · 03/09/2017 11:47

Or has he been in the past?

MissEDashwood · 03/09/2017 11:48

I honestly don't know how it works in Scotland. I would explain it all to them, then see what they advise. Hope things are getting easier. Does your GP know how bad it is? Maybe you need meds adjusting or starting on meds.

I think it's mirtzapine that at the initial dose, helps you sleep.

Sending positive vibes.

FallingOrbit · 03/09/2017 11:48

Umm, being Scotland the law can be somewhat different to the rest of the UK. But I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to retract your statement or drop the charges.

England/Wales etc you can do this, you'd have to go to the station, I don't think you can do it over the phone but you can certainly do it. They are likely to ask if you're being pressured into it but if it's really your decision then it shouldn't be an issue.

There is one exception though, if he's been a PITA with the Police and has a history of this, they have the OPTION of prosecuting him themselves. Unlikely if it's a one off though.

C0untDucku1a · 03/09/2017 11:49

What actually happened? Had he asked you
To Retract it?

Original poster
depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 11:51

he really wasn't he left me months ago for another woman we had been trying again and I found a phone and keys to her house in his car he grabbed them from him admittedly there was a slight struggle but I wasn't scared of him. i had drs appointment planned that day which I missed but I was not in a great frame of mind I called police as he ran away and left me and kids in car 25 minutes from home, they had no coats and it was raining baby didn't have shoes either. i had no money on me at all and hadn't slept in days I don't even remember what I said to them my head was a mess 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 12:51

he hasn't asked me to retract it we aren't even on speaking terms I want him to pay for all the pain he caused me and the kids but I can't live with myself if he gets into trouble over this .I'm pretty sure I said he made a threat to kill me, he didn't I was just angry and confused I knew as I said it it was a lie I don't know why I got myself into this mess 😔. wtf should I do now will I be in trouble? I deserve to be but I genuinly didn't mean it . He has made threats before and he has been violent so I think I just went back to then.

OP posts:
MadMags · 03/09/2017 12:54

Did he leave you stranded in the car?

Lostwithinthehills · 03/09/2017 13:01

As there are children involved in think that instead of just asking to withdraw your statement you need to make an appointment to discuss the incident with the investigating officer. If you were in a bad place when this incident took place and now you are seeking to halt proceedings you are running the risk of triggering concerns about the welfare of your children.

newtlover · 03/09/2017 13:01

if he has made threats before, been violent before and left you and the children stranded in the car I think you should let the statement stand, and ask the police to refer you to a DV service. Are they your joint children?

Original poster
depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 13:03

yes madmags I can't drive . i was sat in the car for an hour and a half trying to get him to return before I called the police . i know in reflection I shouldn't have but I I really didn't know what to do . we where on way the way to drop little one off at nursery and then I had drs appointment. he knew how fragile I was he left when I told him I was pregnant with dc4 he literlay walled out the door and never came back , I miscarried a week later and he refused point blank to help with the kids , he didn't see them for 3 weeks then I found out he has been seeing some woman since April.i think I'm depressed I feel ok today but have spent weeks feeling unbelievably low , I have no friends or family for support.

OP posts:
Original poster
depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 13:05

we have 3 kids and up until a few months ago we where a happy normal family . he has changed so much . i dont know what to do for the best I want him punished but at the same time I don't want to lie in order to achieve that 😔

OP posts:
MynewnameisKy · 03/09/2017 13:06

If you didn't tell the truth on the statement you would definitely need to at least amend it. Maybe pop over to legal for better advice.

Flowers
LooksBetterWithAFilter · 03/09/2017 13:10

I don't know how it differs in England but in Scotland once the complaint has been made it is ultimately up to the procurator fiscal whether further action is taken and if you try and retract your statement they may ask to meet with you to establish whether you are being coerced into withdrawing your statement.

Original poster
depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 13:11

thanks MynewnameisKy
I'm pretty certain I lied 🙁 I hate admitting it but I was hurt , angry and scared . looking back I can't believe I did it but at the time I just wanted him to get punished for it he text after he left the car saying he was going to phone social work and get kids took off of me and we would never see him again .
I think I said he grabbed me by the hair which I don't think was true either he did grab me and there was a struggle but not threats .I was that tired that I couldn't even think straight I literlay seen fog I was that tired .

OP posts:
LooksBetterWithAFilter · 03/09/2017 13:14

If you lied you definitely need to contact the police and tell them. If they decide to prosecute this will be totally taken out your hands.

littlemisssweetness · 03/09/2017 13:14

Withdrawing your statement when you've said threats to kill were made in first place is a lot of hassle, your better off just riding it out and hoping that they decide not to press charges. It's unlikely they'll even believe you if you try to change it

Original poster
depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 13:17

littlemisssweetness it's such a mess . he has made threats before so I suppose I could look at it that way but I don't want lies to be what he gets punished for I always told myself I would never lie just to get him in trouble .
I know I'm no doubt going to get in trouble for changing my story but I can't live with myself if I lie about this .

OP posts:
Original poster
depressedanddown · 03/09/2017 13:19

i said I told him I was going to phone the police and he said if I did he would kill me what he actually said was he would kill himself . he has threatened it numerous times since and before.

OP posts:
EmeraldIsle100 · 03/09/2017 13:23

You were perfectly entitled to be angry. How dare he leave you and the kids in the car for that length of time? He sounds like a thug. You were right to call the police. Give them a ring and explain how overwrought you were and tell them that you said some things that weren't true.

This incident probably feels like the end of the world to you but it isn't. Very few people who report incidents of domestic abuse are calm, cool and collected.

If the police investigate it that will be a good thing as they will have a record of his behaviour.

You will cope much better without him. Take care of yourself Flowers

Birdsgottafly · 03/09/2017 13:29

So who is more important in this Senerio, him or your Children?

Because if you try to change your Statement you could get repercussions from it. SS would take the view that you are protecting him. Or that he isn't violent because you make up stories and unsupervised contact is fine.

If the Police act and charge him, then give a Statement to his Solicitor that you can't recall exactly what happened and can't verify your Statement. That's all you need to do.

He has done enough to in the past to deserve any comebacks and although you shouldn't lie, if you need to be put on a quicker response time, you will be, if his threats are taken seriously.

Do you think the Women who are murdered/blinded/left disabled by their Partners ever thought it would come to that, but stayed anyway?

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 03/09/2017 13:34

I don't think you should keep to your story if you know it is a lie, just because changing it 'is a lot of hassle' suggested by Littlemisssweetness. This is a man's future at stake here, he could be sacked, imprisoned, kept from seeing his children, none of these are going to help the OP or her children. I am not condoning his behaviour, he sounds dreadful, but you should at least try to correct the statement.

I'm sorry you have had such a difficult time OP, maybe you should try to get some assistance to help you through it all. See your GP maybe?

Gemini69 · 03/09/2017 13:38

in Scotland.. they do not need your Statement to pursue charges now .. even if you withdraw them x

Birdsgottafly · 03/09/2017 13:40

Also, why are you questioning phoning the Police after you were attacked, your child prevented from going to Nursery and you an appointment?

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