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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting married in old university college chapel

45 replies

ComingUpTrumps · 03/09/2017 11:28

Has anyone done this?

I recently went to a friend's wedding (which has now got me thinking about where I might like my own wedding to be ).

In terms of the ceremony and reception venue, I love the idea of having it in the chapel of my old university college and then perhaps putting up a marquee in the college gardens for the wedding reception, or having the reception in the dining hall perhaps.

This is really just a fantasy that I'm just indulging myself in, as I have no plans to get married soon, but AIBU?

OP posts:

RonaldMcDonald · 03/09/2017 11:30

My friend did and it was stunning

purplecorkheart · 03/09/2017 11:31

My University allows you get married in the University chapel if both people are grads from the University. However there is no way they would allow you pitch a marquee in the University gardens

OneMillionScovilles · 03/09/2017 11:32

If it's King's Cambridge (thinking of well known college chapels!) I know you're only eligible if a current student or someone with current close ties to the college 😕

NataliaOsipova · 03/09/2017 11:40

My University allows you get married in the University chapel if both people are grads from the University. However there is no way they would allow you pitch a marquee in the University gardens

Think this is right. That said, I've known two people who have had receptions in the college hall and one (who subsequently went onto a Fellowship) who was allowed the use of the Master's Garden for his wedding reception. The latter was absolutely fantastic, but I suspect not something that is allowed in the normal run of things.

Both the "college" weddings were where the couple had met there, though - so all the guests had the connection with the place. To be honest, it felt a bit like being back at college formal hall, so lacked a "wedding vibe" for me as a guest. This could well just have been me, though!

namechangedforthisreply · 03/09/2017 11:42

I agree it depends on the Uni. At my old Uni one of the people marrying must have attended the Uni in order to book and it's very expensive to do it. No marquis are allowed so you need to have a reception in one of their existing function rooms.

It's stunning so I considered having my ceremony there but it was too expensive to just pay for the ceremony and I didn't like their function rooms just the chapel and grounds

MissEDashwood · 03/09/2017 11:43

Sounds really romantic, I'm sure alumni do that kind of thing in the future. Go for it. 😁

Tilapia · 03/09/2017 11:43

I've been to a wedding in a college chapel. It was lovely but, like a previous poster, both bride and groom had been to that college so it was special for both of them.

MrsHathaway · 03/09/2017 11:45

Yes, we did.

It's (deliberately) not licensed for weddings so we had to apply for an Archbishop's Special Licence - which incidentally is a thing of beauty with a whacking great seal hanging off the bottom - and borrow the register from the parish church.

We then had our photos in the college gardens and continued to a hotel for the reception.

It was glorious and very appropriate to us. College charged us five guineas IIRC and absolutely filled the chapel with ivory pillar candles.

College chapels are often small - ours squeezed in eighty-odd but the ushers sort of perched and some were on folding chairs not pews, and a couple of musician friends in the organ loft playing/singing. It is wonderful to have a full wedding venue, and the size meant it was also very intimate.

MrsHathaway · 03/09/2017 11:49

Have now RTFT. Yes, we did use the Master's gardens. DH's college.

We elected to have our reception elsewhere because although we could have had the dinner and very nice it would have been too, it definitely would have felt like just another crew date formal and not a special occasion. Also they were not set up for the evening part.

Meanwhile friends' wedding at my college was all on site - including guests being able to book college rooms overnight - and they used the hall for the breakfast and another function room for the ceilidh. Worked very well for them but did feel a bit studenty for those of us very familiar with the buildings!

Original poster

ComingUpTrumps · 03/09/2017 12:00

Thanks for all of your comments :)

You've all raised really good points - cost, connections to the college, logistics (whether it's possible to put up a marquee/whether it's possible to only use function rooms etc.)

I really don't want to 'out' myself, but just to give a bit of context, I did my degree at a Cambridge college beginning with P. It's got a gorgeous chapel, and I know of one other person (who was in the same university year as me) who got married at the chapel.

People who want to hold weddings there are allowed to use the chapel, college function rooms and gardens (although having a drinks reception in the gardens is very different to having a marquee put up, and I fully understand they might draw the line at this!)

In terms of logistics, I'm not yet sure if my partner would also have to have studied at Cambridge or at that college. And in terms of cost, it may well be very expensive.

I really love the idea of getting married in the chapel. (Have really set my heart on it, as I'd love the idea of having a beautiful traditional wedding - I blame a love of the Royal Family and watching William and Kate's wedding for this ).

I'm not too keen on the idea of having a wedding reception in the dining hall though. As previous posters have suggested, it feels a bit like formal hall (3-course meal with wine served by candlelight in college dining hall). The college that I went to had formal hall on every day (IIRC), so it just might not feel that special if the reception was in the hall.

I'm just wondering what other options there might be?

If, for example, I could have the wedding itself in the chapel, I'm wondering whether a drinks reception could be held in the college gardens afterwards and then whether I could have the wedding reception elsewhere? Any suggestions for beautiful places in Cambridge for a reception?

All of this has been brought about because, as mentioned, I've just come back from a friend's wedding and have been invited to another friend's wedding next year. Both weddings will be/have been stunning with very personalised touches. I love the idea of getting married somewhere (my partner's tastes and wishes permitting, of course!) that means a lot to me.

I went through some really tough times and pretty amazing times during my degree, and have amazing memories of graduation after going through all of that. Having a wedding reception in the college would be a lovely way of reliving graduation, remembering all of the good bits and having the day somewhere memorable that means a lot to me and my family.

OP posts:

MrsHathaway · 03/09/2017 12:15

I know both the P colleges - the younger one sometimes has functions in the library, which would be just divine and would make beautiful photos.

I think the Grad Pad does events - worth a look? Otherwise there's a big hotel by the mill pool which used to be called the Garden House but I think is now a Hilton. Lovely views, and Hilton are good at events (I know the grand well but haven't been to a do at the Garden House for years).

Andrewofgg · 03/09/2017 13:01

Contemporaries of mine married in his college a t Oxford. But they had a no-frills two-witnesses show before the Registrar one day (which was the legal marriage) and then the Anglican marriage with all trimmings (except signing the register) the next. No special licence required.

Am I the only one who connects special licences with Lord Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane and St Cross Church, Oxford?

BannedFromNarnia · 03/09/2017 13:03

We thought about it but the whole 'but we're atheists' got in the way somewhat!! We did find out later that another part of the college is registered for civil ceremonies but it's a bit fugly compared to the chapel.

pringlecat · 03/09/2017 13:09

Are you allowed to? Different college, but I vaguely remember only being allowed to get married in mine if I got hitched within 5 years of graduating. As I'm not religious and it would be hypocritical for me to get married in a church, I didn't pay too much attention to the rules. But I'm sure there was a time limit.

Coffeeandcrochet · 03/09/2017 13:18

We did it. We got married in the chapel, and we needed an Archbishop's special license to do so. I think each college has its own rules about who 'qualifies' to get married there. Mine said only within 3 years of graduating, which ruled us out, so we went to DH's college. Drinks and canapés after the ceremony in the Master's garden then onto another venue for dinner and party. We could have had our dinner in college as well but for various logistical reasons decided not to. It was an amazing day, absolutely perfect

Coffeeandcrochet · 03/09/2017 13:20

I doubt it would be an issue that your DP didn't study there. Some colleges simply hire themselves out as wedding venue to anyone, regardless of any connection to the college, although I think that is generally only for civil ceremonies.

Allthebestnamesareused · 03/09/2017 13:46

Some of the Cambridge Colleges do allow marquees to be put up too. My friend her 50th in a marquee in the grounds of a Cambridge College not starting with a P.

Also at various times of the year marquees are already erected (eg. for May ball). If your event is just before or just after then the marquee company will even do a deal as it doesn't need to be erected and taken down at your cost f you see what I mean, as it is already being put up and taken down.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 03/09/2017 13:50

at least one Oxford College will even let you have a bouncy castle for the DC as well a small marquee.

Original poster

ComingUpTrumps · 03/09/2017 14:10

I know both the P colleges - the younger one sometimes has functions in the library, which would be just divine and would make beautiful photos.

The library would be absolutely lovely MrsHathaway. Sadly, it's the older P College though..! Having said that, the older P college is not without its good points, and the Deer Park would be beautiful for drinks and canapés :)

Allthebestnames that would be amazing! I wonder if it would be possible to organise it around May Week? In terms of logistics, it seems a bit tricky, as it seems that the only time that the college would be available for weddings would be when undergrads aren't living there (so Christmas and summer).

Out of interest, if anyone did a church wedding in or around Cambridge, could you recommend any good places for a reception please?

OP posts:

2014newme · 03/09/2017 14:11

My friends got married at a university neither of them had attended. It was lovely

PiratePanda · 03/09/2017 14:15

Gay friends got married at Emma. Obviously they couldn't do the legal bit in the chapel, but they had the ceremony in a marquee by the duck pond followed by drinks, and the wedding breakfast in hall.

It was absolutely beautiful.

PiratePanda · 03/09/2017 14:16

As for I wonder if it would be possible to organise it around May Week?

No way. Heaviest use of college facilities around then. I strongly suspect you would be restricted to out of term.

MiaowTheCat · 03/09/2017 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5rivers7hills · 03/09/2017 14:36

My friend got married in his cambridge chapel. His wife didn't go to Cambridge.

Wedding in the chapel. Drinks in the garden. Meal in the hall. Dancing and evening stuff in another function room.

Was lovely.

DandelionAndBedrock · 03/09/2017 14:47

My cousin married in her Oxford college and they were allowed a marquee in one of the gardens for dancing, but it didn't have a proper floor - so more like a giant tent over a dancefloor. Don't rule it out until you have asked?

I'm pretty sure you would be able to hire just the chapel. DP and I are marrying at our (non Cambridge) college and the chapel is a totally separate thing to hire. We had a time limit though, so check that you don't have to be within X years of graduating like we do.

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