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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting married in old university college chapel

45 replies

ComingUpTrumps · 03/09/2017 11:28

Has anyone done this?

I recently went to a friend's wedding (which has now got me thinking about where I might like my own wedding to be ).

In terms of the ceremony and reception venue, I love the idea of having it in the chapel of my old university college and then perhaps putting up a marquee in the college gardens for the wedding reception, or having the reception in the dining hall perhaps.

This is really just a fantasy that I'm just indulging myself in, as I have no plans to get married soon, but AIBU?

OP posts:

Pebbles1989 · 03/09/2017 14:49

I've never heard the rule about "only within 3/5 years of graduating". Seems pretty unfair, especially since mid-twenties is still considered quite young to marry by many people.

Witchend · 03/09/2017 14:56

I think it depends on the college, having had friends that did it.

If they were active in the college chapel (eg in the choir) and known to the chaplain then it seems much more common. Certainly at my college it would be up to the chaplain, so knowing them would help. It might also depend on how many people ask-they'll be far more likely to agree if they have 1-2 requests a year, than if they had 10-20, when they may have regulations.
Not sure how keen some of them would be on erecting a marquee on their hallowed "keep of the grass" lawns too.
You may be able to have use the dining hall as another option.

It also would probably be out of term time anyway, really can't see them being happy for it round May week.

We had the reception at dh's college. It wasn't expensive, in fact cheaper than dsis' at a not-particularly-posh hotel up north. But it was very nice and a nice back drop for the photos too.

MirandaWest · 03/09/2017 14:57

My sister and her DH got married at a Cambridge college (they both went there). They had a civil ceremony and their reception in the dining hall which felt very wedding-like to me. There were parts where we went outside but as it was at the beginning of April we were mostly inside.

DandelionAndBedrock · 03/09/2017 15:19

Pebbles I wondered (perhaps cynically) if they somehow think it might make people consider them when doing a postgrad - another tick in the "pro" column for College X.

Our college set a 5 year time limit. DP cut it very fine indeed .

MrsHathaway · 03/09/2017 15:22

We got married six weeks after Finals ... No idea if there would theoretically be a time limit but judging by alumni comic I'm guessing not.

AlexaAmbidextra · 03/09/2017 15:31

Not being goady but why all the secret squirrel stuff about identifying colleges by just their initials? What's the big secret?

Original poster

ComingUpTrumps · 03/09/2017 15:35

Alexa I just preferred not to reveal the full name of the college on here in case it would be too identifying. Having said that though, I'm sure that people could work out the name of the college if they wished.

OP posts:

DimsieMaitland · 03/09/2017 15:47

I have been to 2 weddings in my college chapel. For the first, both bride and groom had been to that college, for the second, only one of the couple was a Cambridge grad.

In both cases the reception was a meal in college immediately following the ceremony, with strawberries and cream out on the lawn afterwards. There was no dancing etc (but it is a tiny tiny chapel and so the reception was also small.)

MrsHathaway · 03/09/2017 16:00

Alexa, it cuts out Google.

Allthebestnamesareused · 03/09/2017 16:03

Sheene Mill is nearby for receptions but not in Cambridge.

SacharissaCrisplock · 03/09/2017 16:06

I've been to three college weddings now and none have felt like just a formal hall. I think the thing most of the college grads were excited about at all of them was standing on the grass in the quads for photos ;)

There are lots and lots of really nice reception venues around Cambridge if you don't want to have the reception in college but don't forget the handiness of a college is it's all in the one place.

SockQueen · 03/09/2017 16:14

We had a college wedding. I'm a Cambridge grad, DH Oxford, but my college is very popular for alumni weddings (old, on the river, lovely gardens) and wasn't available for ~2 years, whereas we could have DH's much sooner. In the end, we actually got married at another college across the road - DH is atheist and didn't want a religious wedding ceremony, so we went to the nearest college licensed for civil ceremonies - and then went to his college for a blessing in the chapel and the full reception. Drinks in the gardens, dinner in the Hall and evening bash in the bar!

I've been to several other Cambridge college weddings, a couple of which didn't use the college for the whole day. One got married in the other P college and had drinks there, then moved to a marquee on the college's sports ground on the edge of town for the rest of the reception. Another got married in exam term so the college wouldn't allow them to have music in the bar in the evening, so after dinner we all got bussed to a pub in Grantchester for a ceilidh and cheesy disco. One final one, which I didn't go to, got married in your college chapel and had drinks in the Deer Park, then they all went off to a restaurant for dinner - this was a fairly low-key one though, not large numbers of guests.

QueenOfTheHighCs · 03/09/2017 16:21

OP I got married at the old P! The DH was organ scholar there so was allowed to. We had a winter wedding and the Chapel was candlelit and looked stunning. Drinks were in the panelled room (SCR?) Then dinner with candlelight and roaring fire, followed by dancing in the big hall off the bar/jcr. It was amazing and all our guests were wowed. The catering was also splendid (better than your average formal!)

Original poster

ComingUpTrumps · 03/09/2017 17:33

Queen your wedding sounds incredible! I would love something similar.

When I was there, I wasn't particularly active in the chapel (not in the choir or an organ scholar or anything) but did a couple of readings at chapel services and got to know the Dean a bit, who's lovely. Not sure if he was there when you had your wedding? (His initials are SH?)

Had a bit of an embarrassing incident in my final year though when I stupidly managed to set off all the fire alarms in the college after frying some sausages (definitely not allowed!). My friends all found it hilarious, but understandably the college staff didn't at all. I had to apologise and get 'gowned' by the Dean!! He was really nice about it, and also helped me through some other things and was generally very supportive, but not sure how much the sausage-frying incident would affect how he remembers me!

OP posts:

PiratePanda · 03/09/2017 18:25

Outing. @QueenOfTheHighCs I probably taught your DH (or maybe even you with a name like that!)

ProvisionallyAnxious · 03/09/2017 18:36

DH and I got married in our college chapel. For complicated reasons we had to bring our wedding forward by a year with two weeks' notice and the whole thing was a real credit to the old-fashioned and eccentric collegiate system... We had the chaplain ringing up the secretary to the archbishop to speed up our special license, organ scholar coming back from holiday to play for us, and all of our tutors in lieu of extended family (who couldn't make it at short notice) to fill the chapel. Horribly stressful situation but the wedding was wonderful and everyone rallied round.

In terms of the practical stuff you can choose between a special license for a college wedding (if you want to be officially married there) or do the formal stuff at a registrar and then have a blessing.

Before we had to bring it all forward our plan had been to have drinks in college then have guests bus down about five minutes down the river (at t'Other Place!). Does that amazing tea place in Grantchester do wedding receptions, do you think? You could have punting!!

PiratePanda · 03/09/2017 19:14

Ahem. The Orchard at Granchester is no longer so amazing since they changed hands. Atmosphere is still the same, and there's not much you can do to ruin a cream tea, but the rest of the food is now distinctly sub par.

MaroonPencil · 03/09/2017 19:18

My Cambridge college allows both civil and religious ceremonies (only religious in the chapel of course). I would have loved to get married there but didn't because a/ thought it a bit unfair on DH who had no connection to the place and b/ it was booked up for the next two years!

Hotfootit · 03/09/2017 19:20

My FIL was connected to an Oxbridge college, so we had our reception in the college dining hall (could have got married in the college chapel, but for various reasons we didn't marry there - we married elsewhere beforehand). Very restricted dates - had to be out of term, but that was ok by us.
I went elsewhere to Uni, and could have got married in the Uni chapel there, but we had moved away from the Uni town and it was just too far away to go back to get married. Quite a few of our friends have since married in the Uni chapel and it was just lovely - various religious flavours of minister officiated, so the services were tailored to the couple. They both had receptions elsewhere - no way would a marquee have been allowed in the grounds, but there were plenty of university halls which could have accommodated the reception, should they have wanted to use them.

Dates were easier at either location if you were prepared to have the reception elsewhere.

ProvisionallyAnxious · 04/09/2017 02:25

PiratePanda

Oh no! What is this "change" business doing in Cambridgeshire?!

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