To decline a wedding invite and give this reason?

[Sayyouwill]

My old friend and my boss started dating and are now engaged. The wedding is in December. I was always rooting for them to get together and helped him pick out gifts for her etc.
Anyways after they had been together a few months she changed. She started getting involved in my work which she felt she could because she was seeing my boss. If I ever whinged about work around her she ran off and told him and I ended up in quite a bit of trouble.
I then changed jobs and she just stopped speaking to me. I did notice that the person who replaced me at work seemed to also replace me as her friend. Anyways, I did receive an invite to their engagement party and thought that I would go along as they had been good friends of mine. It was awkward, that's all I'll say.
Anyways, it's been around 2 years since the party and the most contact we've had is basic 'congratulations' when we had kids.
I've was invited on the hen do which I found odd. It was abroad and going to cost close to £1000 to go so I declined. Now I've been invited to the wedding and it's on a Wednesday. DH can't get the Wednesday off work, we'd need to arrange additional childcare, would have to take the Thursday off work as well because we wouldn't get back until late and it's just unworkable.
I could get the Wednesday off work and go, but I really don't want to without DH. I don't know anyone else going.

AIBU to decline the invite because DH can't get the day off? Or should I go? I've tried to reach out to her a few times in the last two years and the messages are 'seen' but not replied to so I don't think this is an olive branch invite. DH thinks I should go because I introduced them etc.

Never mind your dh - I wouldn't go because she clearly isn't your friend!!

I wouldn't explain why. I'd just say you won't be coming, hope the day goes well etc and send a card.

Don't go. You haven't seen or spoken properly for years, you don't particularly like her by the sounds of it -send a nice card declining (no reason) and hoping they have a nice day.

I can't think of one good reason why you would go. I think she's invited you to make up the numbers and for the present. Decline without another thought.

If you don't want to go, then don't.

A simple refusal "due to a prior engagement" is sufficient.

You don't need to give a reason, just thank them for the invitation and say how sorry you are that you are unable to attend.

Your heart isn't in it. You have barely spoke in two years so therefore you don't HAVE to go, don't NEED to go and clearly don't WANT to go.

Just don't go. Simples!

Just decline, give no reason and go NC. You really don't need to maintain any kind of relationship with them. Also having a wedding on a Wednesday they're going to have people decline as it's just unworkable for so many.

Just decline without any qualms. People with whom you've only had sporadic contact over the years are not actually your friends.

You don't give a reason when you decline a wedding invitation. Just thank them for their kind invitation and regret you are unable to attend. I doubt you'll hear from them again anyway.

Could it be a courtesy invitation and they're not really expecting you?

I'd reply declining "because of work commitments" but wish them very well.

Refuse the invitation politely but without giving a reason.

If she asks, and given the lack on recent contact why should she, just respond that it can't be fitted in with other commitments. No further detail.

You're all right, I don't want to go. I wouldn't say I didn't like her anymore, I'm sure I'd have a good chat if we bumped into each other, but she's not involved in my life, nor I in hers.
I felt like I should go if I could to be polite but I'd rather not. We're not friends and I'm pretty sure I would just feel awkward being there.

I also think deep down I'm still bitter about what happened, which I know is my own problem and totally unreasonable of me to feel that way, but the way it all went wrong just stings a little bit.

It's quite acceptable to say something along the lines of "Thank you so much for the invitation. Unfortunately I won't be able to make this. I hope you all have a wonderful time".

You don't have to give a reason - if they're getting married on a Wednesday you won't be the only one who can't make it.

Could it be a courtesy invitation and they're not really expecting you?

This was my first thought. One of them (probably him judging by her recent behaviour) has said 'She did introduce us - we can't really not invite her'.

Politely decline and move on.

This is the key phrase in you whole post If I ever whinged about work around her she ran off and told him and I ended up in quite a bit of trouble - she isn't your friend.

OP
I'd do as Frances suggested.
The bride sounds horrible and is no friend to you.
Hopefully Karma will bite her in the ...

I couldn't get past "Simples".

If you don't want to go then don't go. You don't need to give a reason - just decline!

I love a party and would probably go and have a ball. Few glasses of fizz, hit the dance floor without having to worry about DC's. Don't worry about a gift, you are clearly not on gift terms if they didn't send you anything when your DC's were born.

Decline politely and wish them well. That's all you need to do.

*Could it be a courtesy invitation and they're not really expecting you?

This was my first thought. One of them (probably him judging by her recent behaviour) has said 'She did introduce us - we can't really not invite her'.*

Absolutely. I completely believe I have been invited but purely as a courtesy.

Never mind your dh - I wouldn't go because she clearly isn't your friend!!

Hole in one!