To decline a wedding invite and give this reason?

[Sayyouwill]

My old friend and my boss started dating and are now engaged. The wedding is in December. I was always rooting for them to get together and helped him pick out gifts for her etc.
Anyways after they had been together a few months she changed. She started getting involved in my work which she felt she could because she was seeing my boss. If I ever whinged about work around her she ran off and told him and I ended up in quite a bit of trouble.
I then changed jobs and she just stopped speaking to me. I did notice that the person who replaced me at work seemed to also replace me as her friend. Anyways, I did receive an invite to their engagement party and thought that I would go along as they had been good friends of mine. It was awkward, that's all I'll say.
Anyways, it's been around 2 years since the party and the most contact we've had is basic 'congratulations' when we had kids.
I've was invited on the hen do which I found odd. It was abroad and going to cost close to £1000 to go so I declined. Now I've been invited to the wedding and it's on a Wednesday. DH can't get the Wednesday off work, we'd need to arrange additional childcare, would have to take the Thursday off work as well because we wouldn't get back until late and it's just unworkable.
I could get the Wednesday off work and go, but I really don't want to without DH. I don't know anyone else going.

AIBU to decline the invite because DH can't get the day off? Or should I go? I've tried to reach out to her a few times in the last two years and the messages are 'seen' but not replied to so I don't think this is an olive branch invite. DH thinks I should go because I introduced them etc.

Just send a card (or the RSVP card) back with: "thank you for the kind invitation, we regret we are unfortunate truly unable to attend. We wish you all the best for the future." We didn't have reasons given for a lot of our "no" RSVPs, they just ticked the "regretfully declines" box and filled their name/s in.

What crucru said.

You don't have to tie yourself in knots, they probably don't expect you to acceptable anyway. Just reply saying that you regret you are unable to attend, and wish them well. If they press you (which is very unlikely) tell them that you have unavoidable work commitments.

Yes...just politely decline. That's totally acceptable.

This lady is a sneak. I dislike sneaks of all things. I too second Francis Crawford's reply.

No need to give this any headspace at all. You're really not friends anymore, in fact she showed you that she wasn't a friend while you still worked there! It's just an invitation from former colleagues, it's not like there's even any potential "fall out" from not going as there might be with relatives or close friendship groups. Polite declinature and forget all about it.

How many more reasons do you need not to go? It's a gift it's on a Wednesday as you can just say you haven't the annual leave etc.

I know. I'm being daft.
I shouldn't have even given it this much thought lol.

Absolutely don't go. Politely decline and then forget all about them both.

I wouldn't go, just send them a wedding card. The end.

It seems a shame of a story though op, how long were you friends for before you introduced them?

@KungFuEric It seems a shame of a story though op, how long were you friends for before you introduced them?

3 years. But we were inseparable. We were there for each other when we went through some big things. I thought the sun shone out her arse tbf.

I'd say 'thank you for the invite eventually as clearly a last minute replacement for others who can't come but unfortunately we cannot make it, I hope you enjoy your day

But we were inseparable. We were there for each other when we went through some big things. I thought the sun shone out her arse tbf.

That's sad and its hurtful but unfortunately there are people who discard friendships as they move into different phases of their lives. I know somebody who for a few years at a time will seem to have these really close friendships, BFF type, then suddenly has moved on for no particular reason and is raving about the new friend/group. Weird. Meh, forget about them Op.

Just decline using the RSVP card. There is no need at all for any sort of drama or explanation. She cut you off, so serve it back and move on with your life. No present, either.

I wouldn't attend either but to soften the blow I wouldn't tell a lie or make and excuse just tick the 'not attending box' on the invite, but send a generous gift, so it doesn't look like your bitter or hold a grudge or anything to be misconstrued.

I wouldn't go.
I would just send a regret card - the card says no for you, you don't need to give a reason. Inside the card you could write best wishes for your future etc but make no reference to the reason for not going.
Loooks like contact will dwindle to nothing naturally enough you can cut them out with no drama

She sounds like a dick. So you've sent messages which are received but not replied to? You owe her absolutely nothing more when it comes to declining the invitation - you're doing better than her if you bother to do more than RSVP at all really, aren't you?!

'Apologies, we will be unable to attend. Wishing you all the best.'

I wouldn't even lie and put in regretfully, to be honest!

I have never needed to give a reason for declining a wedding invitation. I just bought a card that said 'sorry we won't be able to attend' and that's it.

Don't fret about it, honestly. Just say thanks but no thanks.

Fuck that

Wouldn't you love to reply: "I'm sorry, I am unable to attend because you are such a dick."