Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not want house guests in my new house

74 replies

Redadmiralflyer · 02/09/2017 19:43

Moved into a new home and we have a spare bedroom with the view of it being future dc room when we are ready.
Just moved in and already a family member has invited her self round to stay over every other weekend and xmas time.

We live down south and dh sister is in Scotland and visits family every other weekend, other than stay with her parents on a blow up bed she has invited herself to stay at ours and has told all the family that's what she will be doing, xmas too.

I work full time and want to come home to my own house without worrying about guests. I'm the only person who disagrees with these arrangements but I feel livid. This was not the reason I bought a house with a spare bedroom.
I also want xmas in my own home with my own little family, without people staying over.
I'm going to talk to dh tonight but I will be the baddy for having her sleep on the blow up bed at her parents when we have a spare room here. If it was a one off then fine but every other weekend? No, I want my weekends to relax and enjoy time to myself.

OP posts:

CoolCarrie · 02/09/2017 22:43

She is a cheeky bugger, don't let her invade your new home.
My mil wanted to sleep on our sofa 3 days a week when she took a job closer to our flat than her own place, " I don't mind" says she, well I bloody do! No chance. Put your foot down OP, or you will end up unhappy and resentful.

thenightsky · 02/09/2017 22:46

What's she running away from?

Every other weekend down south from Scotland is a LONG way to run.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 02/09/2017 22:48

Have nothing in the spare room apart from a sex swing, and a full length mirror...

PollyFlint · 02/09/2017 22:51

I will be the baddy for having her sleep on the blow up bed at her parents when we have a spare room here

Er, why the fuck can't this cheeky cow sleep on her on her OWN bed in her OWN house at weekends? What sort of grown adult has to spend every other weekend at someone else's house? She's mad.

It's not reasonable to invite yourself to stay at anyone's house. You wait to be invited and you certainly don't bloody assume you're going to be able to stay every other weekend.

Also, Scotland to the south of England is a bloody long journey. Surely she's not thinking she'll do that drive/train journey every other weekend?

Crashbangwhatausername · 03/09/2017 07:27

What does dh say? If it's for future dc there's no point putting a bed in the room. Just ask pil if you can borrow the air bed for sil when she stays. It will get back to her.

Nikephorus · 03/09/2017 09:37

Its mean not to let family stay at Xmas, and some weekends. Every second weekend is too often though.
No it's not mean, it's OP's house!!!!! You invite someone to stay if you want them there, not because they've decided it's convenient. Put your foot down OP and don't make excuses, just say no.

buckeejit · 03/09/2017 09:46

I'd say we're not ready for guests for a while thanks but we will invite you for a stay sometime when we're more sorted.

Do you socialise with her every other weekend?

notreallythere · 03/09/2017 09:50

'Oh that's a shame, we were looking forward to using the spare bed at the weekend...'

DudeHatesHisCarryOut · 03/09/2017 10:01

That's horrendous! We have a friend coming soon staying for a week (I think, though I suspect it may be a fortnight) and I am dreading it. I'm an introvert and need my own space.

I'm sure your DP has a snoring problem, doesn't he? You need to sleep in the spare room at the weekends to get some decent sleep, don't you?

MatildaTheCat · 03/09/2017 10:10

Just knock it straight on the head with a brief message saying that she's got the wrong end of the stick and unfortunately you cannot possibly agree to her plans. You can't have her at Christmas and your weekends will be planned as you go along.

Send a link to a sofa bed or Airbnb.

Finish with a cheery, 'must do coffee some time when you are down!'

Cakeycakecake · 03/09/2017 10:10

How did the talk with dh go?

I'd be putting my foot down firmly. No way. You come to my house if you're invited, and very welcome you'll be made too. You'll not invite yourself because you'd find yourself being told not to be so bloody cheeky and to rent a hotel room

NotCitrus · 03/09/2017 10:33

Inviting herself every other weekend? Fuck that. And I actually have a lodger and people staying half the time, but the difference is, I invite them, for as long as I want. With the odd night for when someone is really stuck, but that's it!

Leilaniii · 03/09/2017 10:44

Poor you, I would hate that. In fact, I never have house guests as I find it so intrusive. I am very good at entertaining and really go all out when we have people over, but then they have to leave.

Do you have 3 or 4 bedrooms? You mentioned you already have a DD?

TidyDancer · 03/09/2017 10:49

I don't think Christmas is cheeky, but the rest of it is. I would agree to a once in a while arrangement but not commit to anything regular.

HelenaJustina · 03/09/2017 10:56

I completely sympathise and don't think you should back down over the EOW, but maybe Christmas... but with a set/agreed start and end date.

If it was my sister I'd be seriously concerned about why she felt the need to travel so far so frequently. What's the draw? Do you have the kind of relationship that you could talk to her about it?

gotthemoononastick · 03/09/2017 11:08

I would pay a professional decorator to turn the room into a beautiful gender neutral nursery complete with murals and a HEAVY cot.Then lock it and give a few 'special' people a quick preview glimpse.

You are 'getting ready' understand? Who knows which year?

YellowLawn · 03/09/2017 11:15

just don't make it up as a bedroom.
put up a lego city/train track, something big and not at all bedlike.

vikingprincess81 · 03/09/2017 11:20

YANBU. Home is my sanctuary, it's where I go to get away from people, if I were to have people in it then I would have to find another sanctuary. Occasionally I have had to be blunt about it.
This! I don't think non introverts always understand how tiring we find company.
And why is she travelling so far so often? I can't imagine wanting to travel down to the SE of England from my home in Scotland EOW. Or indeed more than once or twice a year. What's the story there??

fucksakefay · 03/09/2017 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum · 03/09/2017 12:07

Why is she visiting so frequently? Is it to provide care to her parents, or to undergo vital medical treatment or something? If so, you are being a bit unkind. Otherwise YANBU at all.

MrKaplan · 03/09/2017 12:24

My 70 year old grandaunt had to convert her spare room to a 'reading room' cos her cheeky niece announced she would be coming to stay long term to 'look after her'.

I recommend you do the same.

MarcyMercy · 03/09/2017 12:43

If she came down South less often, she would be able to fund a hotel or air B+B next to her parents.

I would absolutely detest this kind of assumption about staying with you.

Put her up one weekend to keep the peace, but you have to say it won't work anymore than that.

The only reason I don't mind people staying (once or twice a year!), is that it absolutely makes me clean the house to within an inch of its life. Otherwise the basics of housekeeping are fine for me. A flylady I am not!

Some people have absolutely no boundaries. They need to be told off.

MsJolly · 03/09/2017 12:51

SandyY2K · 03/09/2017 12:58

It's down to your DH to tell her this won't happen.

Flip

1 2 3