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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want house guests in my new house

74 replies

Redadmiralflyer · 02/09/2017 19:43

Moved into a new home and we have a spare bedroom with the view of it being future dc room when we are ready.
Just moved in and already a family member has invited her self round to stay over every other weekend and xmas time.

We live down south and dh sister is in Scotland and visits family every other weekend, other than stay with her parents on a blow up bed she has invited herself to stay at ours and has told all the family that's what she will be doing, xmas too.

I work full time and want to come home to my own house without worrying about guests. I'm the only person who disagrees with these arrangements but I feel livid. This was not the reason I bought a house with a spare bedroom.
I also want xmas in my own home with my own little family, without people staying over.
I'm going to talk to dh tonight but I will be the baddy for having her sleep on the blow up bed at her parents when we have a spare room here. If it was a one off then fine but every other weekend? No, I want my weekends to relax and enjoy time to myself.

OP posts:
Boatmistress17 · 02/09/2017 20:44

Pet rat.
Big cage.
Lots of pics on social media.

Room not available to humans. .

Maelstrop · 02/09/2017 20:44

That is absolutely outrageous of her! There's just no way I would have that. This is your house, not hers. I agree, be straight, just tell her no fucking way

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2017 20:45

Your SIL is one cheeky fucker. Stand up for yourself and put an end to her delusions right now. Tell her very clearly this absolutely isn't happening and it doesn't work for you. End of story.

AwfulSomething · 02/09/2017 20:52

YANBU. Home is my sanctuary, it's where I go to get away from people, if I were to have people in it then I would have to find another sanctuary. Occasionally I have had to be blunt about it.

I hope you can find a honest and calm way to express how you feel without causing any distress.

Eleanorsummer · 02/09/2017 21:00

I would hate that... can just about cope with people staying once in a blue moon. You're definitely not being unreasonable.

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/09/2017 21:02

The height of bad manners to impose yourself on someone without invitationShock

MimsyFluff · 02/09/2017 21:05

Every other weekend she comes home that's insane!

FenceSitter01 · 02/09/2017 21:06

Does your DH mind his sister visiting ?

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/09/2017 21:11

brasty. Why is it mean? It's OP's decision who stays in her house and when. In any case, DH sis has been perfectly ok staying at her parents until now. It's bloody rude of her to think she can demand to stay when she likes.

diddl · 02/09/2017 21:24

She's very rude to assume & not ask.

Interested to hear what your husband thinks.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 02/09/2017 21:28

EOW?! What are you, her NRP? Fuck that for a game of soldiers, it's not acceptable to just invite herself to your home as a semi-permanent lodger. Tell her to do one.

ShitOrBust · 02/09/2017 21:34

She's a cheeky cunt!!!!
Tell her to cunt off.

ShitOrBust · 02/09/2017 21:35

And your DH is a cock if he can't see why she's a cheeky cunt.

DoveOfPiss · 02/09/2017 21:38

So what's the difference between a blow-up bed at her parents house (who she's actually visiting) and a blow-up bed at yours?
Surely if she's going to be sleeping on the same equipment then she might as well keep staying at her parents...??? 😄😜

But definitely agree she's being a CF.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/09/2017 21:39

That's not your spare room. It's your home gym, or home office, or drum kit room, or kinky sex room, or rescue kitten sanctuary, or if all else fails building/decorating project that never gets finished.

nameusername · 02/09/2017 21:41

YANBU. I bet she'll make her self right at home and you'll end up biting your tongue. Definitely talk to your DH to set boundary and rules about house guests for family and friends.

A friend of mine noticed a pattern with her husband's friend and decided to put her foot down. Twice a year annual leave wants to spend over a week at their house and doesn't even bring his own shaving blade. What's worst is that he never brings his wife along and left her home alone. Even when she said nope and may consider Thur -Sun and out on Sunday or Monday the friend got the cheek to say what's the use of paying £60 to travel for a visit. It's not like he spend it exclusively with the husband but use it like a hotel to meet up with his other friend's who are still living here. He's more than welcome to stay with other people or pay for hotel room.

ToadsforJustice · 02/09/2017 21:43

Put your foot down now before she likes the idea too much and just moves in.

missmollyhadadolly · 02/09/2017 21:57

YANBU. A spare room doesn't mean it's free for all.

Fishface77 · 02/09/2017 22:00

Don't put a bed in there. Fill it fullmof boxes and stuff.
or give her a couple of weekends she can stay and say you have friends and family for other weekends and the rest of the weekends are your time as a couple. She will say ooh you won't even know I'm there and you will have to say oh but I will whilst looking her in the eyes.

SabineUndine · 02/09/2017 22:03

It's one of the hazards of living 'down south' I think. When I bought my flat, all kinds of friends and relatives started coming out of the woodwork and wanting to stay. They don't get it it's your home and you live there. Be firm. I was.

BannedFromNarnia · 02/09/2017 22:06

YANBU. The odd visitor is lovely and the perk of a spare room, but what they're doing is appalling.

Reminds me of a distant cousin of mine who applied for a several-days-on-several-days-off job in our area. We had a TINY rented one bed at the time. She stayed at ours on the sofa bed for the interview, and of course we were happy to put her up.

She was a total pain in the arse, appalling house guest. She said after the interview, "This is so great, when I get the job it's going to be such a saving staying here each week instead of paying for another flat."

Luckily she didn't get it - I actually thought my then-DP was going to swing for her when she said that, cheeky cow.

OnTheRise · 02/09/2017 22:07

You don't have to host her if you don't want to. Just laugh and tell her no. Don't make up a reason, don't even give a reason. Just say nopey nopey nope nope. It's not happening. Refuse to discuss it.

AmberStClare · 02/09/2017 22:17

It is amazing how uncomfortable a house guest can be made to feel.

Broken air bed that keeps going flat.

Spare room entirely full of boxes so the only air bed that fits in is a child sized one (particularly good for large tall house guests).

No heating in the spare room, such a shame is so cold at Christmas.

Or.... just say fuck off CFSIL.

SkylarFalls · 02/09/2017 22:30

every other weekend is not visiting as a guest, it's being a weekend lodger!

I'ld call her bluff and say "how funny you'ld say that because we were actually thinking of getting a weekday or weekend lodger to help us save for X, If you are interested in renting the room that might benefit us both"

My money says she won't wanna pay but'll back off and stop assuming!

cluelessnewmum · 02/09/2017 22:30

Urgh what a horrible situation, I hate having guests but I also hate awkward situations and dealing with cheeky requests.

Definitely stand your ground, you shouldn't have to compromise. leave it to your dh to sort as is his family. If he won't then you'll have to make up an excuse but if I was put in that position I'd make sure it didn't paint dh in a good light (eg relationship problems).

I don't think I could pull off faking a lodger as I'm sure she'd find out eventually and then it's not like you can ever say I'm jot comfortable with having people in the house.

Maybe try for a baby sooner rather than later so the room is not spare any more.... Half joking! Wink xx