Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu for asking her not to smoke?

43 replies

Calmanglass · 02/09/2017 17:06

At an event today... involved standing a long line with cordons either side and nowhere to go forwards or back. Woman in front of us lights up a cig and proceeds to smoke over my baby and young ds. I asked her not to and she put it out gracefully so no drama but my dh thinks I was unreasonable to ask (he's an exsmoker).
Now out at a cafe or park fair enough but as we were standing in a restricted queue with nowhere to go was I wrong?

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 02/09/2017 17:09

I don't think you were unreasonable to ask but were very lucky she obliged.

Shoxfordian · 02/09/2017 17:10

I think you were unreasonable; it's legal to smoke outside. I wouldn't have asked her to put her cigarette out.

LucieLucie · 02/09/2017 17:10

Yanbu.

Passive smoking is a serious health risk, it was incredibly selfish and irresponsible of her to light up around children and others in a confined area.

jaseyraex · 02/09/2017 17:14

I don't think you were unreasonable. Whilst she had every right to smoke, it would just be good manners not to in that situation I guess. You were definitely lucky she obliged with no drama!

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo · 02/09/2017 17:14

No, I don't think YWBU. I probably wouldn't have felt confident enough to ask, but would have felt very uncomfortable if someone was smoking that close to me, and I'm an adult.

I'm surprised anyone would smoke next to a baby, but perhaps she hadn't noticed.

Anyway, I'm glad she put it out :)

uokhunni · 02/09/2017 17:14

Totally unreasonable, I had this happen queuing outside Sheffield Arena years ago.i don't even smoke now but the woman was so dramatic over me lighting a fag, others lit up too. She was at least 30m behind us!

Even as an ex smoker I don't mind the puffs. (I prob miss smoking more than I'd admit)

Andrewofgg · 02/09/2017 17:14

You were right to ask and she was right to do it.

LuLuuuuuuu · 02/09/2017 17:16

I am a smoker but YANBU

Queues, I will not smoke in.

Glad she obliged for you

Alexandra87 · 02/09/2017 17:16

I smoke but I wouldn't dream of lighting up in a que of people especially with children there. Ywnbu

Babyblues14 · 02/09/2017 17:16

I think it's fine you asked. As a smoker (or ex as I am currently pregnant) I wouldn't of lit up anyway if i saw that there was children nearby. No one is that desperate for one

uokhunni · 02/09/2017 17:16

Totally missed the bit about young DS and baby. No way would I have smoked next to them. Yanbu

Glumglowworm · 02/09/2017 17:19

Yanbu and she clearly agreed because she did as you asked without fuss

ClumsyFool · 02/09/2017 17:19

Yanbu, when I used to smoke I would never do it in a queue, if waiting for a bus I'd stand well back and away from the bus stop and other people, then just join the back of the queue when I'd finished. It's just about respect for others really and especially when it affects a child. You were polite by the sounds of it and just asked her rather than passive aggressively tutting or coughing so far more likely to get a mature response.

Gemini69 · 02/09/2017 17:20

rightly or wrongly... it's DISGUSTING OP.. .. I hope she gets helps soon for her filthy habit Flowers

LuLuuuuuuu · 02/09/2017 17:21

Yes I do that ClumsyFool

Stand well away from bus queues too .

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 02/09/2017 17:21

She shouldn't have lit up with hen there in the first place but obviously she just wasn't thinking and to her credit put it out. Your dh is the only one with an issue!

LuLuuuuuuu · 02/09/2017 17:21

And then we get Gemini69 , , total overreaction .

LuLuuuuuuu · 02/09/2017 17:22

Is it DISGUSTING Gemini ? [hmmm]

UnicornSparkles1 · 02/09/2017 17:26

YANBU.

I was once sitting on a bench outside a supermarket holding my newborn daughter. She had reflux and had to be held upright after every feed. Elderly lady sat right next to us on the same bench (despite other benches available) and asked if I minded if she lit up. My daughter was literally weeks old. Old bat looked quite put out when I said that actually yes, I did mind.

BakedBeans47 · 02/09/2017 17:32

Not U. It might be legal to smoke outside but it's not pleasant to smoke over other people who might not like it.

Elendon · 02/09/2017 17:37

I don't think you were unreasonable at all to request this.

If someone had asked to keep their place in the queue whilst they went somewhere quiet to smoke, I would be happy to do it - unless the queue quickly started, in which case they are on their own.

PookieSnackenberger · 02/09/2017 17:38

Not at all.

You are right to protect the health of your children from other peoples bad choices.

My MIL has terminal lung cancer and it's vile. I wish smokers could see the terrible trauma smoking causes. It's horrible and my kids are really troubled by it.

My DH was exposed to passive smoke as a child (from parents and relatives) and although he has never smoked in his life it has had a lifelong effect on him; asthma, allergies and breathing difficulties.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/09/2017 17:39

I think you were unreasonable; it's legal to smoke outside.

That doesn't mean people cannot be considerate.

YANBU, glad she obliged gracefully.

GardenGeek · 02/09/2017 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gemini69 · 02/09/2017 17:40

takes a bow... thank you Flowers