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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

home schooling year 11 son

154 replies

barbsbarbs · 02/09/2017 16:29

I have just made the scary decision to honeschool my son for five gcses from next week, He has failed badly at school, always in trouble and bunks off all the itme. Thsi way I know he will get some education. Any ideas? Also does anyone have any links etc to find out the gcse curriculum.

OP posts:
ITCouldBeWorse · 02/09/2017 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 02/09/2017 17:11

If you're not on FB you need to join, there are loads of Home ed groups nationally and most likely locally to you. They are your first port of call. You will get much more useful support than here

SpringTown46 · 02/09/2017 17:15

he-exams.wikia.com/wiki/HE_Exams_Wiki

Huppopapa · 02/09/2017 17:16

I'm with ItsAllGoingToBeFine on this one.
Though there are some people quite able to take on their child's secondary education, they are rare and it is my experience as a child protection lawyer that there is a very strong correlation between home-schooling and children with deficits in their emotional &/or societal &/or physical care. As I say, there is variation, but it is always a flag to those in my line of work.
Now an essential part of education is knowing how to present ones knowledge. It has been pointed out to you that the appearance of your first message indicated that you might not be the best candidate for teaching your child. Despite that, you have posted two further messages with typos and other errors. That is perhaps nothing more than curious, but again it raises questions about how well you are likely to be able to provide for all your son's educational needs for the next five years.
Frankly, that; the fact that you have offered no explanation for his problems to date; the fact that you seem to have concluded that there is no alternative despite several being suggested and the fact that you appear to have concluded that he is bound to fail, cause me to be gravely concerned that this boy should be home-schooled by you.
Could it be OP, that you might have contributed, if only in a tiny way, to his problems at school?

Sophiealice95 · 02/09/2017 17:18

How are you going to make him apply himself OP? I think you are going to be very stressed my dear Good Luck .

SandyDenny · 02/09/2017 17:22

I agree that your first post appears incredibly naive. Not only do you not appear to have Googles GCSE syllabi but you haven't managed to find out if MN has an HE section.

I hope it works out for you but the circumstances you've described don't sound positive. As a start you need to know the system inside out, imo that's as important as the content of what you'd be trying to teach.

ommmward · 02/09/2017 17:25

Huppopapa did I read that right? Home education at secondary level would always be a red flag to you?

It's certainly fair to say that there are some home educating families who have never got beyond PFB/golden child stage (and therefore the nasty schools kept blaming Jimmy for things that weren't his fault, even though actually the family dynamic is all a bit skew-wiff). And there are some families who are so chaotic that they can't easily commit to a once-a-week thing in the HE community, so I can see that they wouldn't have managed the daily grind of school.

But that's a small minority. My experience of home educating teens (and it's pretty extensive now) is that there are a LOT of children with anxiety and depression, who were bullied at school for enough years to seriously compromise their mental health, and another LOT of children who are autistic and simply not school shaped, and quite a few children whose families are deeply hippy, and they are getting a rather splendid free-wheeling (or more structured) education that ends up in just the right sorts of pieces of paper for a successful adult life.

It really bothers me that you're holding a "red flag" view about home educating teens when the vast majority of them, in my experience, are gentle souls with loving and competent parents who simply couldn't bear to see them ground down by crappy unsupportive schools any longer.

langkaw · 02/09/2017 17:25

How much of year 10 did he attend? Has he at least made a start with some of his main subjects?

I'm an experienced secondary teacher and I really couldn't teach to GCSE outside of my own subjects.

I would ask to have a team around the child meeting. If he is a school refuser there are chances of him doing a reduced timetable and I know some boroughs will provide home tuition with links to resources provided by the school.

You say behaviour is an issue. Is he at risk of exclusion?

DumbledoresApprentice · 02/09/2017 17:27

I'm a secondary teacher. Which subjects are you thinking of doing with him? Some are more practical to homeschool for than others. My subject (history) could be done at home with textbooks and careful use of the exam board materials. Maths and English Lang and Lit should be possible too. I think Sciences and MFL are more tricky because (I think) the new GCSEs have retained practical or coursework style elements.

langkaw · 02/09/2017 17:28

I know it's difficult in year 11 but a managed move might be an option. He just needs to hold it together for another year. Does he want the succeeed?

EezerGoode · 02/09/2017 17:31

I homeschooled for primary ..nearly sent me under mentally...think long and hard before you do...explore every avenue first...could he go to college a yr early? They do that near us ,could you change schools? Get the school on board to work through the problems..it's also going to be expensive for you paying for him to sit the exams..the LEA won't pay if yr homeschooled

Schroedingerscatagain · 02/09/2017 17:32

If you go to the education section on this site there is a home ed sub section with lots of home edders on who can help you

VioletCharlotte · 02/09/2017 17:42

I hope this works out for you OP. My DS had just spectacularly failed all his GCSEs, despite school telling me their were no issues. I can't tell you how many conversations I had with various teachers and heads of year about how concerned I was. He was just left to flounder. I'm sure he'd have done better if had been possible for me to home school him ( he certainly couldn't have done worse).

Good luck with it.

Original poster
barbsbarbs · 02/09/2017 17:42

I have done a lot of research. Mums net is a great source of information. I am ill equipped, nervous, worried, however we have discussed, referred, had endless meetings, and it has made me feel that homeschooling is my only option. It really isnt my first choice. However I have the drive, knowledge and pasion to get jhim through at least some GCSES's.

OP posts:
Original poster
barbsbarbs · 02/09/2017 17:44

thanks so much. my son will fail year 11 if he carries on at school. I hate to say it. I just want to give him a chance and emotional support and give him a solid foundation..

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 17:47

I'm a secondary teacher.

I'm sorry he's had such a shit time so far - why has school been so difficult for him?

Original poster
barbsbarbs · 02/09/2017 17:51

He attended 30% of the school year. he has chronic anxiety, adhd (menbtal health isues) and a very bad attitude. When he has been in school, he doesnt do any work. He is ecstatic he is being home schooled. For the first time in a long time, he looks slightly relaxed and happy. I have only started my research today, give me a chance.

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 02/09/2017 17:52

Has that been the case all the way through OP?

Is he getting support from other agencies?

ommmward · 02/09/2017 17:56

we've got a few friends whose children have acute anxiety. If you are in my area, you'll find support and company (and teens whose anxiety is now manageable, and addressing it is a large part of what the education does and should comprise).

ommmward · 02/09/2017 17:57

NB lots of people I know blench when you mention CAMHS. Somewhere between chocolate fireguard and actively damaging.

I'd go down the exercise + meditation route myself, rather than CAMHS.

Kardashianlove · 02/09/2017 17:59

Some great advice from ommmward especially about taking time out. I would definately consider a year or two away from any formal learning.
You can still attend the home ed meet ups, there are often some fantastic activities available.

It may also give him a chance to really think about what he wants to do and what GCSEs are most suitable. He could take them over a few years, so only a couple at a time meaning lots less pressure.

Join your local home ed Facebook group as pps have suggested. You'll get loads of advice and experience from people who are doing this/have done this.

There is lots of help out there and loads of activities, so many more people do this than you realise. You just have to look for it.

Good luck.

SummerKelly · 02/09/2017 18:01

ommmward that's exactly my experience too from home educating my teen and meeting other home Es families. A lot of people here seem to have the impression that parents teach kids everything themselves. We used a mix of online distance learning, tutors and small groups put on by HE parents (a mix of parents with particular skills and external tutors). You can do it fairly cheaply if you join up with others.

Someone upthread has already addressed the issue about practicals - HE kids take IGCSEs where appropriate (I because they can be taken internationally in countries where practicals can't be arranged. I read in the paper this morning that a lot of private schools are taking IGCSEs too to avoid the changes).

My DD was so anxious that anything was better than staying at school, though with some time out she has now gone back. It can be really difficult and stressful but it's also really rewarding. I wouldn't encourage anyone to do take the decision to do it lightly, but it can definitely be an option.

langkaw · 02/09/2017 18:03

That's a bit of a blanket statement about CAMHS. Yes the waiting lists are long and it's hard to get access, but some kids need proper professional therapy.

The combination of ADHD and anxiety is truly awful. Is he medicated? Has he been seen by anyone recently?

Copperbeech33 · 02/09/2017 18:04

If your son needs a year or two to recover and then get a clutch of GCSEs later, after he's got his mojo back, life will not have left him behind!

This is rubbish, your son is entitled to three years free post 16 education, if he whittles away that time playing around with delaying his GCSEs, then there is no chance of him ever taking on any sort of level 3 course, academic or vocational

Somerville · 02/09/2017 18:06

Whilst child mental health services in large parts of the UK remain so pitifully underfunded, Home Ed as the seemingly only option is going to become an increasingly frequent scenario.