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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be getting emotional about dd starting school?

44 replies

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 02/09/2017 00:17

A lot of people including friends are experiencing bittersweet emotions about their dc starting Reception or feeling a bit sad in general. However, I am trying to get myself to feel sad, but I just don't. I think dd is so ready to start and probably was six months ago. Could it be because I can feel a bit detached from her a bit and/ or she is very high energy and needs a lot of attention but does not listen to me that I feel like this?
Anyone else feel like me or differently?

OP posts:
corythatwas · 02/09/2017 00:23

She's not setting off on an expedition up the Amazon; she is still going to spend most of her time with you. I don't think it's a sign of anything other than recognising that she is ready for this and it's a positive thing. There is no rule that says you have to get emotional over every little new thing that happens in life.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 02/09/2017 00:23

Lots of people find this emotional and a major milestone. I didn't so much... my DD went to nursery from a very young age, and spent some time in foundation when she went to her playgroup and (like yours) couldn't wait to start.

Other things will get to you, don't worry. It doesn't mean you don't love your child or love them less just because you don't feel the same way they do.

DramaAlpaca · 02/09/2017 00:25

I never felt emotional about my DC starting school, or even leaving school. I was just happy for them, that they were growing up & moving on to the next stage in their lives.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 02/09/2017 00:27

starting school can seem like a very significant milestone - they're going to be in school for another 15 years or so. You're handing over responsibility in way you don't have to with a childminder or nursery setting. School is definitely a big deal.

But that doesn't mean it has to emotionally effect you. And I think esp when your kid can't wait to be there it's less of a "oh... I'm losing my baby" and more "at last!"

I cried when she went on her first overnight residential (something she was also desperate to do). Different things get to you.

Original poster
ladybirdsarelovely33 · 02/09/2017 00:31

Yes you are right different things get you - today at a playdate, I felt that she was a third wheel and she really tried to join in with the two other girls but they weren't so welcoming. That really got me - to see her sad face.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 02/09/2017 08:00

I found my DCs' first day of full time school to be rather anti climactic. There was maybe one parent and/or child each time who got a bit upset, but for the majority of us, it was more or less "righto then, see you this afternoon".

I think by the time a child has gone to daycare/kindy/pre-school/prep it's all pretty much old hat by the time full time schooling starts.

10storeylovesong · 02/09/2017 08:08

I wasn't at all emotional about the thought of DS starting school in Sept. All my friends kept mentioning it and I just didn't feel the same feelings, until we did a uniform dress rehearsal and his age 2-3 uniform was hanging off him as he was so tiny. It suddenly hit me how far he'd come (born 27 weeks) and it was a mixture of pride and pregnancy hormones. I'll probably be one of those parents blubbering in the playground, which I never in a million years expected (usually a heart of stone!)

NaughtyElephants · 02/09/2017 08:09

I was just like you when my older DC started school. This time round with my youngest I feel emotional. Not sad, but I shed a tear when I saw him in his uniform because the realisation hit that this is the baby of the family and actually he's a big enough boy to be at school now. It's more a case of wondering where the heck those 4 years went. I absolutely feel happy watching him grow up and progress, it's not a case of wanting a Peter Pan child who never grows up.

In my case starting back full time at work after several years PT is probably also impacting on emotions!

FlipFlopFridays · 02/09/2017 08:12

My DD is a September baby so won't be starting until she is 5. I always get people saying 'oh bet you are really happy with that.' But no actually, while I appreciate that I won't have the worry of her not being ready, I also think with how good she is at nursery etc that by 4 she will be more than ready.

So while I can't speak for how I will feel when the time comes, right now I recognise the milestone and the big deal etc, but I am excited for it more than emotional.

DeleteOrDecay · 02/09/2017 08:14

YANBU I am the same. I'm actually really excited for my dd, she loved nursery and is more than ready for reception.

nothingontelly · 02/09/2017 08:14

I feel the same. My daughter is 5 next week and has been going to nursery since she was 2, doing 5 terms in a school nursery setting so is definitely ready! I'm more excited for her than anything, and for the next chapter of our lives.
I feel a bit sad but I think it will hit when all the changes actually happen, especially leaving her younger sibling behind at nursery. She's not the most confident of children either so I'm worried for her too!
Don't believe everything you read on social media either, most people say how sad they are, yet they seem pretty chirpy skipping away from the school gates.

Ninjakittysmells · 02/09/2017 08:17

Ds attended nursery at his school so when he started reception I think everyone (kids included) were a bit nonplussed. This year however (year 1) I am really all emotional about it! We have had 9 weeks off together this summer, and god am I going to miss him!

CountFosco · 02/09/2017 08:20

I'm really looking forward to the extra £900pcm we'll have in our pockets each month when our youngest starts school next week so not that sad! Planning our first foreign holiday as a family with that money.

Thegiantofillinois · 02/09/2017 08:21

Dc were in nursery from 9 months and went to their school nursery. I just felt relief that my childcare bill halved.

FriendshipBraclet · 02/09/2017 08:23

I think different things get you. When ds started primary I was very much ok with it, life is all about growing up etc.
Fast forward to him leaving I was completely taken by surprise that I was as upset as I was! Wait until their first play - people sobbing in the alses.

Eolian · 02/09/2017 08:25

YANBU. I was exactly the same. I can understand a little worry about how they'll get on and maybe thinking you'll miss them a bit, but find the "Waaah, they'll never be my baby again!" thing a bit weird. I was really excited for my dc when they started school.

SleepingBooty · 02/09/2017 08:25

It's my DD bday this week and I can't wait until she starts school the week after, she's ready and I'm looking forward to some freedom.

Ragwort · 02/09/2017 08:28

I was totally the same, my DS was really keen and eager to start school and I was looking forward to have time/space to myself - I feel exactly the same now he is a teenager and I am looking forward to him leaving home for uni/college/work. Was with a friend this week who was really upset about her child leaving for uni - my view is that we bring our children up to be independent adults and it's great when they spread their wings.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuckKeidis · 02/09/2017 08:33

I didn't get emotional about any of my DC starting school. When DS2 (DC4) started, I started a new routine of dropping them off, breakfast in the Sainsbury's café, MN for 2 hours, shopping, home. 😆

MiaowTheCat · 02/09/2017 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliTheMinx · 02/09/2017 08:56

I was excited when my son started Reception last year, because we were delighted with the school and he was SO ready to start (after almost 2 years in Preschool). However, subconsciously I was obviously anxious as in the run up to him starting my sleep went to pieces! The things I worried about were separation anxiety (which he was prone to), the school run as it involves a lengthy journey through the city in rush hour, the school car park (hellishly small and tight) and getting from school to work in time after drop off. It really was a huge change to my routine, but after a few weeks it all fell into place and my son had a brilliant year in Reception Smile

EsmeMargaretNoteSpelling · 02/09/2017 08:56

Im a single parent with only one child who has just done GCSEs and already have people asking how I will "cope" when she goes to Uni (hopefully). I went through huge amounts of family and career disruption when she was very little and have had to manage alone for 15 years now.
I did find myself getting very depressed over being alone and only ever having one child when I really wanted a little boring old nuclear family, but over the years I have found I can CHOOSE how I am going to look at a situation. Be it first day at school or leaving for uni!
I could look at the negatives, on my own etc.... or I could choose to remember that the alternative, her not starting school or uni, would be a LOT worse, the fact that only having one has meant I had the money to send her to a wonderful local private school, that we have been on amazing trips around the world etc. Now I'm not saying these are better aspects to my situation but they are real tangible positives.
Sorry about the rambling, what I think I am trying to say is, yes there is a bittersweet aspect to every stage of a child's life, but it is also the start of the next wonderful bit. You just don't know how wonderful it is going to be!
I teach Year 6 and every year they ask if I'm going to cry when they leave. I have some lovely children and am very, very fond of them, but no, I'm not going to cry because they are off to the next exciting chapter that I can see even if they can't yet. Starting school is an amazing stage, I hope your DD has a wonderful time - get ready to sob at the Nativity though, they are designed to tug on your heart strings!

Natsku · 02/09/2017 09:14

I didn't expect to get emotional when DD started school, especially as she's 6.5 so it was a case of "at long bloody last!" but when it came time to say goodbye on that first morning I found myself blinking back the tears.

MuddlingThroughLife · 02/09/2017 09:16

I've never understood the emotional mum's crying over their kids starting school. I get that it's a big milestone (my kids are almost 16, almost 13 and just turned 10) but I've always had the perspective of things like this being a new adventure in their lives and have felt excitement rather than sadness.

nothingontelly · 02/09/2017 09:23

I think it depends a lot on the child, their age and whether they've ever been in a nursery setting before. This is the first time some of them have been away from their parents, can't imagine many but some.