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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and evening out today

69 replies

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 19:49

Not sure if I am blowing this out of proportion, but I'm really annoyed! About a month ago I booked tickets (£5 each) for DP and I to go to a local event tonight. Not a massive deal but I was looking forward to it and he knew all about it and agreed to me booking tickets. Start of this week he discovered that he needed to go away with work to a meeting today - about a 2hr drive away. This is a fairly frequent occurrence, so not unusual. He told me the meeting was 1 til 4pm. A few nights ago I showed him the flyer for the event tonight with the timings of it, (it started at 6) and said that he'd need to be back here by 7 at the latest for us to go. Fast forward to 6:15pm today and he phoned me to say that he was just leaving the meeting and should he rush back. I said that he wouldn't make it back in time so it was too late for us to go to the event. I had tried contacting him earlier to find out if he had left yet. He told me the meeting went on til 5, then he did some other stuff afterwards. He is rubbish with time, so I just know he won't have rushed or told people he needed to leave at a certain time. He could have decided earlier in the week that he wouldn't be able to make it, or phoned me at 4 to say he wasn't able to leave yet so that I could find someone else to go with or pass the tickets onto someone else. I work in a completely different industry/sector where timings are very much set and if you have plans in the evening. you know you will be able to make it. AIBU to be annoyed? He is currently stuck in traffic on his way back home and I am upset!

OP posts:
ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/09/2017 21:15

Which, BTW, would be very common on my line of work.

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/09/2017 21:17

But what if he couldn't have done the work before the meeting because it needed the input of the people in the meeting???

Exactly!!

Original poster
Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 21:21

You are right, I am making assumptions about what exactly he was doing. I don't think I'm going to interrogate him as to exactly what this extra work was when he gets home - not worth it. But this thread has helped me to see both our viewpoints.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 01/09/2017 21:23

he has not grovelled enough!!

He doesn't need to grovel. He had a meeting and other work to do; he apologised that it didn't work out. Over, done with. No need to be dragged on until you've decided he's "sorry enough" (which is just controlling).

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 01/09/2017 21:24

I don't think I'm going to interrogate him as to exactly what this extra work was when he gets home

Good, because you have no right to. Ask, sure. But interrogate? Ridiculous.

Original poster
Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 21:25

OMG, now I am controlling!! I have no intention of dragging this on until I've decided he's sorry enough. Just trying to explain why I was upset, and get other people's perspective on this, to help us resolve our argument and move on - which I have - many thanks to you all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 21:27

WhatToDo - you are taking my words too literally.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 01/09/2017 21:28

Well if it makes you feel any better my DH is still at work!

TwitterQueen1 · 01/09/2017 21:31

Much ado about nothing OP!
He couldn't make it - the meeting ran over and stuff needed doing. It's work. It happens all the time.
Really not worth making such a fuss about.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 01/09/2017 21:32

Yes, it is controlling if you think he hasn't grovelled enough for something that wasn't his fault and want him to grovel more.

And if you don't want me to go off your words, perhaps you should choose better ones.

silverbell64 · 01/09/2017 21:40

Relationships are all about compromise. You said how lovely he was yet this is one of his foibles. Work with it instead of against it. Don't set yourself up for a fall. Know that he probably wouldn't have got back in time and go with a friend. It's a win win.

MsVestibule · 01/09/2017 22:03

Rightly or wrongly, I'd have been pissed off too. You were irritated, had a rant about it to us, taken on the different viewpoints and decided to not give him any more grief about it. No harm done.

Moving forward, I don't think you should make any weekday plans with him. Or if you do, and a meeting like this comes up, just assume he won't be able to go and ask a friend instead. That way, you won't be on tenterhooks all day, wondering if he's going to make it.

Original poster
Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 22:30

Exactly MsVestibule- thank you. We have had a chat about it. I am going to be more realistic about plans and more understanding of work commitments. He is going to try and think ahead more and communicate better. Neither of us are perfect, so no doubt we will stuff up again, but time to move on.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 02/09/2017 09:45

Hundred.... don't make excuses for the guy.
This wasn't a one off. And it's not about ten pounds.

He would have known there was slim to none chance of him making it but he kept insisting he would be there. He left it to the last minute to say he wouldn't therefore ruining the OPs night. A little bit of common sense and things could have been managed so everyone was happy.

dolcezza99 · 02/09/2017 10:09

He would have known there was slim to none chance of him making it but he kept insisting he would be there.

Well, I'm guessing he was probably trying to avoid the reaction, if this is generally how the OP reacts to him being at work, which he can't help and has to do. Probably trying to avoid getting it in the neck. Backfired obviously, but if the OP has form for getting upset with him simply for doing his job, it's understandable.

19lottie82 · 03/09/2017 10:40

Well, I'm guessing he was probably trying to avoid the reaction

Urggh...... there's nothing worse than this! People who lie to avoid confrontation just to make the situation worse in the long run. It's frustrating and gutless.

The OP has said time and time again it would have been fine if he had been honest from the beginning, she could have found a friend to take or gone herself. Because of his spineless selfishness she missed the whole thing.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 03/09/2017 11:13

OP YANBU. I have a busy stressful job, maybe more so than my DH. But meticulous planning means that 99% of the time I can stick to my plans. This Monday I need to be home on time, so I will leave the house at 5am to get to work. DH will not consider this if this happened to him - he will get up usual time, still go the the gym at lunch, then be late home. Like OP's DP, he has form for this - a one off is more easily forgiveable.

We work in the same type of sector, so he knows he can't pull the wool over my eyes! OP your DP is being selfish. Any of us working outside the home people will always have more work we can or even should do - sometimes we have to prioritise others though.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 11:20

"Sorry, no, I can't come to a meeting that afternoon"
"Can we rearrange to 10am"
"Please put me first on the agenda"
"Hi everyone, I'll be leaving at 3:30"

I wouldn't be able to do any of this in my place of work, not without a good reason. I certainly couldn't phone my boss and say I'm not coming as I'm off out this evening, not unless I took holiday. Leaving early is bad form for just your social life and he may have been attending the meeting not on the agenda.

But I understand the ops frustration. Maybe he could have hurried up and left, maybe he was under pressure to stay with the others. Not enough info here to call it.

19lottie82 · 04/09/2017 14:38

Blunt..... fair enough but if was the case he should get let the OP know that he couldn't promise he would make it.

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