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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP and evening out today

69 replies

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 19:49

Not sure if I am blowing this out of proportion, but I'm really annoyed! About a month ago I booked tickets (£5 each) for DP and I to go to a local event tonight. Not a massive deal but I was looking forward to it and he knew all about it and agreed to me booking tickets. Start of this week he discovered that he needed to go away with work to a meeting today - about a 2hr drive away. This is a fairly frequent occurrence, so not unusual. He told me the meeting was 1 til 4pm. A few nights ago I showed him the flyer for the event tonight with the timings of it, (it started at 6) and said that he'd need to be back here by 7 at the latest for us to go. Fast forward to 6:15pm today and he phoned me to say that he was just leaving the meeting and should he rush back. I said that he wouldn't make it back in time so it was too late for us to go to the event. I had tried contacting him earlier to find out if he had left yet. He told me the meeting went on til 5, then he did some other stuff afterwards. He is rubbish with time, so I just know he won't have rushed or told people he needed to leave at a certain time. He could have decided earlier in the week that he wouldn't be able to make it, or phoned me at 4 to say he wasn't able to leave yet so that I could find someone else to go with or pass the tickets onto someone else. I work in a completely different industry/sector where timings are very much set and if you have plans in the evening. you know you will be able to make it. AIBU to be annoyed? He is currently stuck in traffic on his way back home and I am upset!

OP posts:

KungFuEric · 01/09/2017 20:47

If it were me at the point he told me he had a meeting I'd have arrange to go with a friend.

Buglife · 01/09/2017 20:48

I'm amazed that some people think you can say to an employer and colleagues "I can't make this meeting in the working day because I'm off out tonight.". I barely make work night plans with DH as he works in financial services and he could have an overrunning conference call, meeting, or have some work he needs to finish held up by waiting for extra info or data. Of course he wouldn't say "nah I'm leaving at 5 because I've got plans" that would be wrong and doubt he'd do well at work at all. Adding on an unpredictable commute time as well. It's annoying and I can see why you'd be disappointed but really, you say you want him to 'grovel?! Bit harsh!

Original poster

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 20:49

I just wish he'd said earlier in the week, "look, I might not be able to make it, so do you want to see if anyone else wants to go with you". But he just doesn't think ahead or think of anyone else. I could have thought of that option, but discussed the timings with him and was hopeful that he would make it.
You are right that it is only £10, which doesn't bother me. It's just the principle!
I will definitely try to make sure I do not rely on him for stuff like this in the future, which is sad.

OP posts:

CockacidalManiac · 01/09/2017 20:50

YANBU.
I'm not the type to appreciate people who prioritise work over the rest of their life though. I work to live, not vice versa

RonSwansonsMoustache · 01/09/2017 20:50

It depends. Meetings do overrun and sometimes you can't just leave to make a phone call, or tell your boss you're leaving early anyway.

But the fact he admitted to farting around for ages afterwards would piss me off - it's like he didn't care enough to even try.

Gingernaut · 01/09/2017 20:52

Is there any reason you couldn't go by yourself.

Coming home to an empty house and a frozen meal for one might buck his ideas up.

Original poster

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 20:53

It's useful to hear about other people's work commitments as that helps me realise that I am being a bit unreasonable / was over ambitious. I think I need to realise that, and he needs to be more proactive in thinking ahead and thinking about how his actions impact on me.

OP posts:

Gingernaut · 01/09/2017 20:53

Sorry about the lack of a ? at the end of the question.

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/09/2017 20:54

I just wish he'd said earlier in the week

But what makes you think he'd know earlier in the week? You're being a bit unreasonable here. You can't predict a meeting overrunning (usually!) or something urgent coming up. I can have a (rare) quiet week and be 5 mins from walking out of the office when something urgent comes up and I have to stay and end up late or cancelling the plans I have. It happens. It's annoying but it's life.

Kindoline · 01/09/2017 20:55

Honestly....you were the one looking forward to it and you know he's rubbish with time.

I would've just said "don't forget event is on tonight if you aren't here by 7pm I'll go on my own and/or give ticket to a mate"

Not sure what the big deal is

Original poster

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 20:56

I wasn't really in the mood to go by myself - that's not me being a wimp, I am normally quite happy to do stuff on my own, it just was the sort of thing where you want to look round with someone else. Plus I went to this venue a month or so ago anyway, I just wanted to go back with him to an evening event there. I have told him he needs to sort out something for dinner though.

OP posts:

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/09/2017 20:56

I'm with him on this one. Sometimes these things just happen.

I'd also be interested to know that "farting around" means. Often the post meeting time - a chance to make connections, or send the email your boss has just told you is critical, or deal with agreed action points while they're fresh in your mind - is vastly more valuable than the meeting itself.

silverbell64 · 01/09/2017 20:57

You cannot change a person. You know what he's like. He has many a good attribute, but this is not one of them. Make your own arrangements due to this otherwise you will constantly be disappointed.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/09/2017 20:58

Neutrogena
Sounds like a typical MAN

Ok then....

Original poster

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 21:00

I do get that I sound like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill about this!! You are helping me give myself a bit of a kick up the backside. I think I am making a big deal of this as it is symptomatic of him being a bit thoughtless/selfish, so I am more fed up of that than missing the actual event tonight. By the time I knew he wasn't going to make it, it was just too late to find someone else to go with me. Lessons learnt though.

OP posts:

Buglife · 01/09/2017 21:01

Also interested if "farting about" means doing work. Because as above something could have been said/done in the meeting that meant he had to change/finish something. If you mean he looked around the shops or had a coffee etc you'd have a point. But work isn't "farting about" usually.

EggysMom · 01/09/2017 21:04

I'm not the type to appreciate people who prioritise work over the rest of their life though. I work to live, not vice versa

I agree with this but, reading the thread, it seems that considerate family-oriented people are in the minority.

Personally I think that if you make plans - with anybody, whether work or partner or family - then you keep to them. OP's partner effectively placed work as being more important than his own relationship.

Gingernaut · 01/09/2017 21:04

If there was stuff to do, then someone more sensible would do that before the meeting, make the meeting the last thing to do before he left and tried to get the meeting wrapped up asap.

He didn't.

Original poster

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 21:06

Just to clarify, it wasn't me that used the phrase "farting about". He did some other work stuff after the meeting ended - responded to a few emails I think. I think in my annoyed mind I am thinking that he could have done these at home over the weekend, and he didn't make any effort to get back home in time.

OP posts:

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/09/2017 21:06

But it depends what the "stuff to do" was. If it was changes that were agreed during the meeting then they couldn't have been done before.

You can be considerate and family minded and still get unexpected delays at work....

Original poster

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 21:10

I also have a very busy, long hours, stressful job. But the difference is, my hours a work are somewhat predictable, and if I need to leave at a particular time but there is still work to do, I do it later in the evening at home or at the weekend.

OP posts:

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/09/2017 21:11

Which is great for you. But it's not how my job works.

dolcezza99 · 01/09/2017 21:12

Work comes first, isn't that obvious? Qwerty, what cloud cuckoo land do you live in where you can tell your boss sorry, you're not coming to a meeting that day because the mrs wants to go out? Ridiculous.

Original poster

Bubble77bee · 01/09/2017 21:13

Not wanting to drip feed, but he left for the meeting quite late this morning (stayed in bed) so didn't have any time before the meeting to do any other work. This adds to my annoyance that he didn't make any particular effort to try and get away on time.

OP posts:

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 01/09/2017 21:14

But what if he couldn't have done the work before the meeting because it needed the input of the people in the meeting???

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