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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New job ungratefulness?

39 replies

FlirtyCat · 01/09/2017 18:53

I know IABU but this is my situation.

I have had the worst 6 months, unemployed and homeless. Today after months of applying for jobs, I've been offered a position. In my new job I will not be allowed to wear acrylic nails.

So even though I should be elated that I'll finally be able to get back on my feet, I can't shift feeling sad about not wearing acrylics. I know this sounds silly but I suffer from depression and borderline personality disorder and getting my nails done (by my DP who is nail technician) is the only bit of self care I manage most the time. It offers me a little bit of comfort having them on knowing some part of me is put together.

AIBU and totally ungrateful for thinking this? I know most people won't understand but it's the only thing I've always been able to do when I feel rubbish.

OP posts:
Holidayhooray · 01/09/2017 18:55

Now you will get your pleasure from working and earning.

See it as replacing the pleasure you got from your nails with the pleasure of working, saving, spending, being independent, building a future.

Original poster
FlirtyCat · 01/09/2017 18:56

That won't be the case though. I did the same role in my last job and my nails was still always my pick up.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/09/2017 18:58

Could you swap to painting your nails on weekends instead?

Congratulations on the new job. Try and think about all the positives although I can appreciate you're sad right now.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 01/09/2017 18:59

Well, you need to pick another thing.

HarrietKettleWasHere · 01/09/2017 19:00

I mean, something that makes you feel good, if your nails did that, then there'll be something else that will also.

Undercoverbanana · 01/09/2017 19:00

How about really arty decoration on your toenails instead?

TinyRick · 01/09/2017 19:01

Crux is if you really wanted this job then the nails wouldn't matter.

Seems like you may be using them as an excuse.

Amanduh · 01/09/2017 19:02

I'm sorry you have the problems you do, but yes you're being very unreasonable. Homeless, jobless, penniless with acrylic nails, or a career and a home and a life but without acrylic nails? Honestly in the plain light of day you're being ridiculous. I know your conditions make it hard to rationalise that but really, life will be so much better even if you can't have fake nails.

BlueIsYou · 01/09/2017 19:18

Sorry about the nail situation OP Flowers

Something like this would grate at me too. I know you've had threatened homelessness but there's been times that my depression/anxiety has got me fixated on ridiculous things. Just last week I had fleeting thoughts of not wanting DS to be born anymore if I couldn't have the pram I wanted (DH lost his job recently and money has been tight). Luckily I now have said pram but those were horrible thoughts and incredibly irrational, thinking back. Compare that to your nail situation and everyone who's said you're sounding daft would see you as the reasonable one!

Couldn't you get clear acrylics with an overcoat in a natural shape that is quite short? I know it may not be to your taste but they're still acrylics.

A good friend of mine does the above and she's not suppose to have acrylics either (she's a dental nurse).

Perhaps that may work for you?

Roughly, what job is it?

NicolasFlamel · 01/09/2017 19:25

I also have BPD and I get how things like this can turn into a big deal that you go over and over and work yourself up. You need to try to use some techniques to deal with cyclical thought patterns as it's not helpful to you. I dont mean this in a harsh way but the worst thing you can do with BPD is indulge the thoughts and feelings, it just feeds on them.
Stop it dead. Think of all the positive aspects of being employed and work hard to find something else that makes you feel good.

KindleBueno · 01/09/2017 19:26

Well you know you're BU which is the main thing. You're allowed to feel shit about it. Could you maybe get your hair washed and blow dryer instead as a wee weekly pick up to look forward to?

RobinHumphries · 01/09/2017 19:57

That is disgusting that a dental nurse is wearing acrylics. It's a massive cross infection risk.

Original poster
FlirtyCat · 01/09/2017 20:09

Ah well looks like nails are the least of my worries. DP has just said he doesn't love me the same anymore. This should make a fun evening Sad

OP posts:
dolcezza99 · 01/09/2017 20:37

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read.

Neutrogena · 01/09/2017 20:42

Please prioritise the 3 things:
Partner

Job
Nails

and let us know

HarrietKettleWasHere · 01/09/2017 20:43

Wow, that was a change in thread direction

Original poster
FlirtyCat · 01/09/2017 21:17

@HarrietKettleWasHere tell me about it.

OP posts:
witchofzog · 01/09/2017 21:21

It seems like many people here do not understand mental health and how one thing, which might seem silly to them, is so so important to someone with bpd. You are not being ridiculous as one "kind" poster has said, but it is important to try to find something else to focus on. As someone else with more understanding said, could you have fab toes instead?

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/09/2017 21:21

Please prioritise the 3 things:
Partner
Job
Nails

I'd change this to:
Job
Partner
Nails

A job will ensure the roof over your head and give you some independence.

There's that great Lady Gaga quote: “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.”

witchofzog · 01/09/2017 21:22

Ah shit. Just read your update. I am really sorry op. How long have you been together?

Guavaf1sh · 01/09/2017 21:25

I was going to comment on the nails but got sideswiped by the sudden change in direction. I guess you have deeper issues than nails and I wish you all the best

ChocoholicsAnonymous · 01/09/2017 21:25

What about just having your nails painted and not false ones?

silverbell64 · 01/09/2017 21:27

So you were homeless etc. with no job how on earth did you manage to get your nails done then?

Redsippycup · 01/09/2017 21:28

I understand about the nails - can you switch that feeling to another pamper activity? Hair done, make up done at a posh make up counter, pedicure etc.

As for the partner - what is he saying he wants?

JustHereForThePooStories · 01/09/2017 21:28

OP, are you the poster who is staying with your on again/off again boyfriend in the flat he shares with a friend?