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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be pissed off or do I need to chill?

37 replies

Shinyhappypeople78 · 01/09/2017 14:43

Sah here to 3 DC youngest nursery age.
We went away for a Monday to Friday break visiting family and stay g in self catering accommodation without dh as he was working.
We than net up for a two week holiday ending today.
I arrived home with children first as dh wanted to stop somewhere enroute and didn't want to take youngest. All OK.
Now before I went away we had issues with the garage freezer and had to throw lots away.
Most of this was placed in the outside food waste bar one bag. I specifically asked dh to put that in the Outside bin once it had been emptied. He did this and also chucked out rest of rubbish but didn't replace bin bags. I can live with this.
But also awaiting us was mouldy bread, empty crisp packets, dirty kitchen worktops and random plate and I haven't been upstairs yet
Now Aibu to expect the house to be as clean as I left it nearly 3 weeks ago.
All he had to do was keep the place tidy in the evening from Monday to Friday I know he was working all day but I had kids with me and still kept the accommodation tidy.
Aibu to be pissed off.

OP posts:
Mothervulva · 01/09/2017 14:45

YANBU.

Dawnedlightly · 01/09/2017 14:46

Let it go. Everyone sees their house with jaded house in return from holiday. He should have kept it nice, but it doesn't sound that bad.

Mothervulva · 01/09/2017 14:46

So depressing to come home to a messy/dirty house-especially when it's not even your mess.

Dawnedlightly · 01/09/2017 14:46

Jaded eyes that should be.

TieGrr · 01/09/2017 14:59

YANBU but... you've just come home from a (hopefully) nice holiday. Don't ruin it for yourself by letting the mess get to you.

Afreshstartplease · 01/09/2017 15:01

Meh if this is all you have to complain about life is good

user1493413286 · 01/09/2017 15:01

I'd be pissed off too. Maybe make a comment when he's back that you're sure he's going to tidy up from when he was there by himself and let it go if he does.

Cambionome · 01/09/2017 15:03

Leave it. Do not clear it up. He does it when he gets in.

ChelleDawg2020 · 01/09/2017 15:04

YANBU to be pissed off, but try to let it go. It's not worth worrying about it. Certainly don't start ranting about it to him at the first opportunity. When you're calm, have a polite and friendly discussion about how you were a little upset by the state the house was in, and perhaps he could be more considerate next time.

RolandDeschain · 01/09/2017 15:08

I'd be upset. I hate coming home from a holiday to a dirty or messy house!

Gemini69 · 01/09/2017 15:12

OP.. I'd be seriously Pissed off..... wtf

InDubiousBattle · 01/09/2017 15:13

Of course you're NBU! Who does he think he is? I would turn around, take the kids out for tea and text him to sort it out before we got home!

redshoes2017 · 01/09/2017 15:15

I'd be pissed off too, yanbu.

PickAChew · 01/09/2017 15:16

Yanbu. He's a grown man and should be capable of cleaning up after himself and it leaving food and mess to fester.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 01/09/2017 15:17

Nope YANBU.

Leaving food for a fortnight to go mouldy is disgusting. He could easily have washed the dishes and put stuff in the bin on his way out.

Grim. Go out and leave it for him to clean up.

Benedikte2 · 01/09/2017 15:20

Yes, you should be able to expect better - I'd be disappointed If I was you. Take the DC to McDonalds etc and leave DH to self cater supper and to clean up.
Good luck

TheSnowFairy · 01/09/2017 15:22

YANBU at ALL.

Inertia · 01/09/2017 15:26

I'd be completely pissed off! Does he think the cleaning fairy washes up and bins mouldy food?

It's really not a case of 'meh- if that's all you've got to worry about', because he's showing you that he considers himself too busy/important to put his own rubbish in the bin, whereas you are merely a skivvy.

I'd lay money on him not actually having to do anything on the way home- I just don't think he was man enough to accept responsibility for leaving his crap for you to clean up, so has found an excuse to be out of the house in the hope that his mess gets absorbed into the children's mess and holiday unloading.

If it were me, I'd be taking the children out for dinner and leaving him to clear up.

ShesNoNormanPace · 01/09/2017 15:37

A friend of mine found this when she came back from holiday with her sister - she'd left an immaculate house, her DH and older teenagers had trashed it. She turned around and booked a local hotel for the night, told them she'd come back when the house looked the same state she'd left it in.

Did he think the cleaning fairy would come while you were away?

Mummaofboys · 01/09/2017 15:37

He should of kept it tidy and clean, he is a grown man and I would have been so angry. It should be just as you left it before you went away. Go out for the day tomorrow and tell him to get it tidy and clean.

Neutrogena · 01/09/2017 15:50

I can understand being narked by this, but it's not worth making a big thing over.
Are you really being the best mother to your kids if you get upset by this?
Love yourself and love your ids by letting it go

RideOn · 01/09/2017 15:52

YANBU this happened once to me.

How on earth he thought it would be ok to come home to a mess (including flies around a bulging, leaking, stinking, food waste bin on the kitchen worktop), when he had been there on his OWN for a week! I don't know.

Allthewaves · 01/09/2017 15:53

This would fill me with blood boiling rage. I often take kids to visit relatives as dh works away but he is home at least couple of days while I'm away. So why does he leave dishes in the bloody sink and crumbs. I gave him such a roasting last time that he's a pug and needs to clean up - hope it sunk in the next time I'm away

Love51 · 01/09/2017 15:55

I disagree with neut. You are not a better mother by letting you partner treat you and your home with disrespect. I would address this. Exactly how depends on his track record but you're not a housekeeper and even if you were, he should be able to pick up after one adult. Address it nicely, by all means, but by not addressing it you are saying it is ok. And it isn't else you wouldn't have posted!

Notonthestairs · 01/09/2017 15:57

YANBU. DH once did something similar- mouldy bread, solid milk, pizza crumbs everywhere and the cups, plates in the dishwasher were covered in green mould because he'd forgotten to put it on before joining us but most importantly he hadn't put the bins out because he didn't know when they needed to go. Hmm So we had another ten days with an already full bin and I knew I'd be heaving new rubbish (two children under 18 months, both with as yet undiagnosed milk intolerance and lots of very stinky nappies) down to the local recycling centre.

I'm afraid I went Red Ross. He hasn't made that mistake again.