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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenage party bouncing

77 replies

Dollyparton3 · 01/09/2017 12:50

Sooooo, two friends of ours recently separated and are currently waging the war to be the most popular parent with their only child. So far this has involved an extortionate level of spending, running around, lavish holidays etc.

Now they've decided to throw her a sweet 16 bash (thanks for that, we told ours that it wasn't a thing a couple of months back when it was her turn). This includes village hall hire, a DJ, will undoubtedly have her arriving in a gold carriage pulled by unicorns.

So far there are 60 teens invited. We (a mutual bunch of friends who are all parents) have been told on whatsapp this morning that we're being called upon to bounce this event and make sure it doesn't get out of control. Some of the parents on that list won't even have teens attending. It has been assumed from the word go that our help will be unlimited.

AIBU to say "not my circus, not my monkeys" or am I being a bit mean in thinking that someone else's wild ambition to throw a trouble free 16 year old party when they can't even sort their own divorce out is bonkers?

OP posts:

VeryCunningStunt · 01/09/2017 14:04

Oooh, today's 'Cheeky Fucker' thread!

wibblywobblyfish · 01/09/2017 14:10

I wouldn't. We used to run kids discos and did a couple 16th and 18th parties before we realised why they weren't a good idea. One was in a village hall, the kids were mainly hanging around outside. Some of them were really plastered and went round the village letting people's dogs and livestock out into the roads. One kid ended up spilling his beer all over a speaker and we packed up and left at that point, just as the police arrived. Parent bouncers were totally ineffective and out of their depth.

monkeywithacowface · 01/09/2017 14:15

Ha ha. I would probably go just to watch the carnage! My nephews 16th house party was "interesting". Sex in the garage, 12 year olds turning up stoned, dining room required redecorating and the obligatory drunken fights. Oh and yes the parents were in the house at the time.

MrMessy · 01/09/2017 14:20

I thought from the title this was going to be a thread about a party at one of those trampoline centres.

I am astonished that anyone would think to ask this of others, an extra pair of hands at a party for junior school children if yours are also attending- perfectly fine. Supervising teenagers- hell no! You need to firmly tell them no way.

CanIBuffalo · 01/09/2017 14:22

Stay away from this for sure. It's a disaster in the making.

UrsulaPandress · 01/09/2017 14:24

I was planning DDs 18th in the Village Hall, until the Village Hall people found out and swiftly poured cold water on the idea.

At a 16th, it will be presumed that there will be no alcohol.

Cue the teens eyeballing vodka in the toilets.

No way Jose

KeepServingTheDrinks · 01/09/2017 14:30

also, wouldn't your child be MORTIFIED if you were there? Mine would be, unless I was a v v v good friend of host parents.

Avoid, avoid, avoid!

PerUnaStubbs · 01/09/2017 14:36

Totally agree that they want Someone Else's Mum to be the bad guy, not themselves, should anything go wrong/should anyone strop off about not being allowed to bring their Hooch in with them.

Prior engagements all round.

Hissy · 01/09/2017 14:41

have been told on whatsapp this morning that we're being called upon to bounce this event

Reply: " That'll be a HELL NO from me"

I'm not even sure I'd allow my DC to attend either tbh

eddielizzard · 01/09/2017 14:43

absolutely no. no way.

they do want everyone else to be the bad guys, they obvs haven't the guts to make sure there's no nonsense. if they can't handle the tough side (ie. security) they shouldn't hold the party.

a friend gave her dd a sweet 16th and was in the house the whole time. they hid bottles of alcohol in the hedge, got absolutely blasted, massive numbers of gatecrashers with drugs, killed all her koi in her pond - probably by throwing up in it. and she didn't want to interfere because she didn't want to embarrass her dd. the house was TRASHED.

CoolCarrie · 01/09/2017 14:47

Don't do it and don't let your child go either!
If they can afford to have the ridiculous party, then they can pay for their own doormen, not other parents. They are ridiculous to even ask

Branleuse · 01/09/2017 14:48

The whole thing just sounds like a really bad idea

Bekabeech · 01/09/2017 14:53

Another NO vote from me.
And we even had a party for DD's 18th in the house last year (absolutely fine - she took charge and made sure no-one uninvited turned up).

Kazzyhoward · 01/09/2017 15:01

Not only don't do it, but don't let your child go either. One of our neighbours has had 16th birthday parties for both their kids (one boy and one girl) and both were carnage with broken house windows, used condoms in the gardens, keyed cars in the road, broken bottles on the pavements, and drunken fighting. You'd have thought the parents would have learned from the first one, but the idiots went on and did it again for their other kid the year after, with the same result.

Funnyface1 · 01/09/2017 15:04

That sounds like a nightmare. And thinking back to my own sweet 16, it did get very out of hand. I would definitely say no. They shouldn't just presume anyway.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/09/2017 15:12

No fucking way

Leeds2 · 01/09/2017 15:15

Have any of the people asked actually agreed to do it?

I would be "otherwise engaged" on that particular evening. If it was a good friend, I might have been willing to help if I had been asked, but would not react well to the situation as you describe it.

ujerneyson · 01/09/2017 15:35

They need to pay for security and I would suggest 2 security people. They need to have "if your name's not down you're not coming in" and all kids need to be checked before entering. However, it's not your job to do this, no way.

StickThatInYourPipe · 01/09/2017 16:05

I had a super sweet 16 party in prezzo with 4 friends

Notonthestairs · 01/09/2017 16:06

They are working on the assumption that you'll be so worried about your child attending that you'll attend too and do their dirty work!
Definitely make other plans for the evening.

Vigbymumparis · 01/09/2017 16:16

she didn't want to interfere because she didn't want to embarrass her dd. the house was TRASHED

Teenagers hate to be embarrassed -> I'll let Precious Petal's mates trash my house / not bollock the lot of them at a sleepover when they're still up playing loud music at 4 AM and I'm trying to sleep / not go and pick her up, however late.

eddielizzard · 01/09/2017 16:30

crazy huh?

NC4now · 01/09/2017 16:35

Ha! Not a chance. I well remember the parties we had at 16. I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole.

Original poster

Dollyparton3 · 01/09/2017 17:39

Phew! Glad everyone agrees that this has got vomit-fest written all over it. We've been told that the village hall stipulates no booze to be served or consumer by under 18's but let's face it. Everyone who's invited will be trying to tank up in the park up the road first or smuggle it in.

Fair point about DSD, and you're right, they are trying to play good cop whilst we all look like bad cop. There's a reason why we've all said no to similar requests for parties so far, even multiple sleepovers have involved hard negotiation and strategy.

They've suggested this afternoon that one of our friends who's a copper will be outed as the one who will be in the room to the kids as a "signal" not to get silly. She's particularly unhappy about that and has said a firm "no way"

OP posts:

RubyMyrtle · 01/09/2017 17:52

I think some of these posts are a little harsh on teens. Mine two had a village hall disco for their 18th earlier this year. It was free alcohol for anyone over 18 & soft drinks only for under 18s ( I suspect there was some toilet drinking going on but they were no bother so I ignored it). There were 50-60 kids there and no trouble - Just a room full of happy, bouncy people. It was lovely. I run the building so they were all forewarned that I'd squash them hard if there was a sniff of any problems....

Having said that, no way would I help with someone else's event unless they asked me in person, very, very nicely & I really liked them

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