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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you manage bedtimes for DCs of varying ages without technology?

32 replies

LydiaBinn · 31/08/2017 23:31

I am a single parent to children aged 10, 5 and just turned 4 and am about to have a newborn, too. Until recently, my youngest napped during the day and so could stay up until the same time as his sisters at night. However, since dropping his nap he could really do with going to bed earlier, as could DD5. DD10 doesn't need much sleep and could easily be up until 10pm.

Ideally, I'd like the two youngest to be asleep for 8.30 at the latest. However, DD10 is awful at being alone and would no way read quietly in her bedroom until 10. She'd expect to be downstairs with me and then would be likely to be loud and wake the others. At the moment she doesn't have any access to technology and hasn't asked for any so I don't really want to encourage it - particularly just before bedtime. How do other people manage bedtimes with different aged DCs?

OP posts:
Tippexy · 31/08/2017 23:35

At 10 years old she should be going to bed no later than 8 with the rest of them, I'm afraid. You need your own personal time and she needs her sleep! Smile

Crispbutty · 31/08/2017 23:36

Who is in charge?? You tell her she has an option of lights out, or she can read. No other choices.

chitofftheshovel · 31/08/2017 23:37

Get her to help getting the littlest to bed, read them stories etc so it's quiet family time in bedrooms.

Then downstairs for half an hour/an hour of you and her time then off to her bedroom to read for half an hour.

Do they share a bedroom? And when you say no technology...no tv, no films, no computer?

lalalalyra · 31/08/2017 23:38

I'd have the younger two going up at 7.30/8 and elder DD going up at 8.30. Noise that disturbs the younger two would be punished in this house. We don't disturb each others' sleep.

If she wants to be grown up compared to the smaller two and have the extra hour/half hour downstairs then she needs to behave. Same in her room, if you let her read then she does so quietly.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/08/2017 23:46

Does your eldest have sn?

Original poster
LydiaBinn · 31/08/2017 23:49

If she goes to bed at 10,she's up at 7.30 which is just right for school. She doesn't need 11.5 hours sleep - going to bed at 8 like her 4 year old sibling isn't going to happen.
She wouldn't be being loud downstairs to be naughty, she's just naturally loud. She would feel like she's being punished if I told her she could read but had to stay in her room, and like I don't want to spend time with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaBinn · 31/08/2017 23:50

No, she doesn't have SN. But obviously with a recent separation, house move, hormones and a new sibling to contend with she's feeling needy.

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaBinn · 31/08/2017 23:51

Eldest has her own room.

OP posts:
Gooseberrytart4 · 31/08/2017 23:54

Why can't your 10 year old be quiet? Is it worth using audible stories? Your local library might have some online or in store. Or will he/she draw and colour in?

My 4-12 year olds all go to bed at the same time - 8pm. Except for the 4 year old, they all independently read in their own beds or on the sofa downstairs. The 7 year old reads for half an hour. The12 year old reads for an hour or more.

Gooseberrytart4 · 31/08/2017 23:55

Tell her you'll come down and see her if she's quiet and her siblings drop off to sleep as a result

yummumto3girls · 31/08/2017 23:56

4 & 5 year olds bed 7/7.30, 10 year old 8.30/9 latest. Don't pander to the 10 yr old, set rules now before that newborn arrives! Sounds like you've had a tough time OP, hope things get better.

Gooseberrytart4 · 31/08/2017 23:57

Would she do something creative for an hour while you sort the small kids out?

arethereanyleftatall · 31/08/2017 23:57

Could your lie with your eldest in her room whilst she reads? Either reading yourself or playing on your phone or whatever your want to do.
She needs to understand it isn't a punishment to read before bed, it's what most other 10 year olds in the country are doing, especially if they have siblings trying to get to sleep.

zzzzz · 31/08/2017 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MapMyMum · 31/08/2017 23:58

At 10 she needs to learn to be quiet, its really unacceptable for her to potentially wake the baby because she is just loud, same with siblings if upstairs. If she doesnt like reading could she do colouring or a jigsaw, something like that in her room. It really sounds to me like you dont have control and the 10 year old does. 10pm is too late for a 10 year old to be downstairs, that is a grown up bedtime. Do you go to bed at the same time as her?

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 01/09/2017 00:00

Mine all go usually up at the same time for bath /shower, about 7:00pm. They are 13, 11 and 3. We have more than one bathroom, which helps! Then little one has story in bed whilst other two read / do homework / crosswords. When little one is asleep the others sometimes come downstairs to play a board game or watch something with us. All in bed reading for 9pm, but dh and I are in bed before ten most work nights.

Original poster
LydiaBinn · 01/09/2017 00:06

She's not keen on reading to herself or doing anything alone, she likes company.

OP posts:
mrbob · 01/09/2017 00:10

How about a bath/shower while you do bed time then quiet reading in the living room with you (or chatting) for half an hour then up to bed and as long as lights out by ten she can do whatever she wants quietly. I think then she gets some you time and you get some you time too otherwise you will go mad!

MapMyMum · 01/09/2017 00:12

I think you need to be firmer. Does she never go to bed before you?

surreygoldfish · 01/09/2017 00:22

My DD is the youngest and I can remember bed times being tricky when DS1 and 2 were 5/6 and she was a baby/ toddler. Bedtimes took for ever- yes in room / quiet reading or drawing worked for us. DD now 10 doesn't go to bed until 9 although we do aim for in room a little earlier but it generally doesn't happen! She's not home from school until 6.45, then needs to eat! Activities like guides run until 9 so there's no way earlier would work. She's still up by 7 am. Most of her friends have similar bedtimes - those with younger siblings may go to bed earlier with them. If she doesn't like being on her own - would she listen to you reading to younger DC and then have quiet time with her to talk through the day?

Ellieboolou27 · 01/09/2017 00:24

10pm is an adult bedtime Grin I'm adult and only ever to to bed at 10pm if I'm ill, however, I do agree 10 is a bit too late for a 10yo.

My dd's are 2 & 5, the 2yo goes to bed at 7, I take her up at 6.45 for milk and songs, dd5 will watch tv, colour, kindle etc until I come downstairs, she's loud and quite a handful but knows if she makes any noise to wake 2yo she'll be straight in bed no lights, no story, and will not be allowed to stay up later at the weekend.

If my 5yo can manage it then your 10yo will too, you need to be firm.

Original poster
LydiaBinn · 01/09/2017 00:27

I don't go to bed until at least 12 Map, and obviously will soon be up with a newborn anyway. I was thinking she could come for stories with the younger ones then I could read to her downstairs, but this will be difficult if the baby is unsettled.

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaBinn · 01/09/2017 00:29

The only other thing I considered is waking her earlier and letting her have technology in the morning so she's tired earlier at night.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 01/09/2017 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MapMyMum · 01/09/2017 00:33

I dont go to bed until late either obviously as here I am at half past midnight...but i know a lot of adults that go to bed at 10/11 on a worknight. Maybe talk to her frankly about it and explain that the baby will change bedtimes and what would she like to do in her room after storytime and a short alone time with you, see if you can come up with ideas together. You need to prioritise yourself here a bit with a newborn coming.

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