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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DHs family to come stay 2 weeks before my due date

53 replies

Pooshweens · 31/08/2017 21:28

Just that really. DH booked in for his cousin, wife and kids to stay with us for a night over a weekend less than 2 weeks before my due date

I'm 34 weeks pregnant, fed up, grumpy, knackered, and don't want to be entertaining, cooking, making beds etc in my state, let alone in a few weeks

DH already moved it once so he could go to a rugby match so it can't be that big a deal to him but now he's now got the hump that I don't want them to stay. They live too far away to come for lunch

AIBU?

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 31/08/2017 23:39

You need to woman up now before the baby comes. If he is the sort if man that treats you like the household skivvy and you are the sort of woman who accepts this role, this is your chance to practise not being a martyr. This will be a very important readjustment of both your behaviours before the baby comes.

So, exactly as lelly says. Do nothing except sit on your arse and receive the visitors until you are tired and then go to bed.

TheMaddHugger · 31/08/2017 23:41

((((((((((Mega Madd Hugs)))))))))))) @Pooshweens

Is there anywhere you can stay for the day before, during and after ?
So Clean up and Prep and the clean up after doesn't affect you ?

Gooseberrytart4 · 31/08/2017 23:46

Seriously do nothing and let him crack on. Even if it means they arrive and have to order fish and chips from the chipper or bring their own bedding. Go for lots of quiet naps

timeisnotaline · 31/08/2017 23:46

You have to do absolutely nothing on the cleaning and shopping front!! If you like prepare a statement like 'I'm sorry for the mess, dh said he'd take care of it all but he has questionable standards as you can see. Plan to go out while he tidies. If he can't accept that, uninvite them.

Original poster
Pooshweens · 01/09/2017 05:35

Thanks everyone! I'm just not up to socialising at the mo and want peace and quiet so he'll have to cancel them coming. I'm sure they'll understand when he says I'll be 38 weeks pregnant no have been feeling awful so far! He won't be happy but he'll get over it!

OP posts:
Lules · 01/09/2017 06:05

I feel your pain. All my ILs are coming over when I'm 38 weeks for DC1's 2nd birthday. I've got them to stay in a b&b but what was going to be just parents round for cake has now morphed into a proper party.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2017 06:11

38 weeks is full term. He will as you say have to get over it. Having a house full is too much to expect. One person is very different from a family with children.

vikingprincess81 · 01/09/2017 06:15

Honestly OP, if they don't understand then they're not very considerate people. I wouldn't dream of staying with a relative at 38w pregnant, and on the off chance all the b&bs/hotels burnt down etc, then I'd be going there and looking after her, doing all the work, and buggering off most of the day to leave her alone to cry rest Wink
It's not about housework/feeding them though, it's about wanting to be able to slob round your house and relax. Glad to hear he's going to cancel Flowers

EssentialHummus · 01/09/2017 06:24

Let them come. Do NOTHING.

Exactly this.

ginnybag · 01/09/2017 06:43

Ask him what the plan would be if you were in labour/in hospital/just home with a new born on the day they were supposed to come.

When he doesn't have an answer, point out then that he needs to give his head a wobble and get on board with the reality of what's about to happen, so he needs to first apologise to his cousin but cancel on them and then apologise to you for being a prat.

As a pp said, this is a very good chance to make him start realising that your lives are about to change, and that, yes, that means his will, too, because it's not all going to be down to you no matter what while he carries on as before.

PandorasXbox · 01/09/2017 06:56

Good lord. It's one night. He said he'll do everything. You could do an online shop.

Original poster
Pooshweens · 01/09/2017 07:48

Pandora he hasn't said he'll do everything- and it's 24 hours when all I feel like doing on the weekends when he's home is sleeping!

OP posts:
missmollyhadadolly · 01/09/2017 07:52

Did you tell him no, OP?

If he didn't say he will do everything, then he was clearly expecting you to give in and do it. Idiot.

TheMaddHugger · 01/09/2017 08:08

Realistically, it is minimum 3 days.
the clean before, the actual day, then the day[s] after for clean up. included is sheets etc

PandorasXbox · 01/09/2017 08:15

Sorry I was referring to the comment that said he would say he would do everything.

I guess it's just better to have guests before the baby arrives than after. But if you're not up to it that's ok too.

SheSaidHeSaid · 01/09/2017 08:35

Have them come, do nothing.

Say your hips hurt and you need a walk, go for a walk alone. Or say you're not feeling well for some other reason and go to bed (then binge watch tv or read a book in peace). I wouldn't normally say you should be shut away but in this instance I think it might be the easiest thing for you if you have to stick around.

If you don't actually have to be there the whole time, could a friend of yours organise a 'surprise' afternoon tea for you on the same weekend where the booking absolutely cannot be changed? Whether you actually go for tea or you just go to your friends for relief is up to you.

Neutrogena · 01/09/2017 08:38

YABVU - it's one night and family means everything (as you will soon discover by becoming a mommy)

ShesNoNormanPace · 01/09/2017 08:44

No way! At 38 weeks with DC1 I could not get comfortable, I was up moat of the night on the pc downstairs while sitting on my birth ball and eating biscuits . At 38 weeks with DC2, I was up most of the night breastfeeding Grin Either way there were a lot of toilet breaks and wandering around. Not a suitable environment for guests.

ShesNoNormanPace · 01/09/2017 08:47

And quite frankly if your DH had started the conversation with an apology, explained he understood it wasn't a great solution, that he would be doing Everything and once again he was sorry and here's some cake - well that would be different. The 'I don't see the issue, what's your problem, you're pregnant not ill' attitude would be the thing boiling my piss about it.

NicolasFlamel · 01/09/2017 08:47

Ignore Neutrogena. She has a weird way of getting her rocks off with goady comments.
YANBU I'm surprised the relatives even considered descending on a heavily pregnant woman! Get him to cancel.

mateysmum · 01/09/2017 08:57

I take it this is your first?

Your DH really hasn't got this whole pregnancy/parent thing yet has he. I think sometimes it can be quite hard for men to get just how tough pregnancy can be, physically and emotionally. But.... he is being pretty thoughtless and inconsiderate if he doesn't realise that YOU and his unborn child have to take priority at the moment and if you say you can't cope with guests, that should be the end of the discussion. If you let them come and do nothing to host, you can bet your life he will moan and sulk and try to make you feel guilty. Tell him to cancel.

BlondeB83 · 01/09/2017 09:00

YANBU but it's only one night, let him be the host.

Maryann1975 · 01/09/2017 09:07

mateysmum I'm guessing it is her first. I would think if it were her second or third she would be biting her hand off for grandparents to visit so they could help take care of the older children so she could get a break.

Original poster
Pooshweens · 01/09/2017 10:41

It's actually my second, which prob explains why I'm so tired!! I wouldn't mind grandparents staying as I can slope off with them and they're happy to take over, but I don't know the cousins so well

Anyway after another row this morning he's going to cancel them. I was mostly pissed off as he was happy to bin them to go to the rugby, but if I say I want the house to ourselves then he gets the hump!

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 01/09/2017 16:07

@NicolasFlamel
Ignore Neutrogena

Of course the OP can ignore me. Please stop trying to bully others and close down this discussion if you don't agree with other people's opinion.

One night isn't a big ask OP, and maybe you should stop seeing these things as either YOUR family or HIS family, and see things as OUR family.

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