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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Au pair coming to dinner

65 replies

TigerLeo · 31/08/2017 19:30

Have invited a few friends to dinner on Fri and also invited my SIL (husband's sister) and her two children (cousins to my 13 yr old DD). She texted to say she was working late but would send her 15 and 9 yr old with her new au pair whom I have not yet met. AIBU to not to want to have to look after a young woman who does not speak English too well all night. I just want to relax and talk to my friends. Husband doesn't think it's a problem but I know it will be me who has to make the effort with her and I'm just not in the mood at the mo' - especially as my mother (who has breast cancer) will also be there and I want to concentrate on looking after her.

OP posts:

Mittens1969 · 31/08/2017 21:19

@NonnoMum, it doesn't sound like it's a good time for the OP to be offering SIL's au pair British hospitality. That can be arranged for another time surely?

But I don't think the cousins should be uninvited. That wouldn't be right. As has been suggested, the au pair could bring them there and the SIL could pick them up.

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 31/08/2017 21:21

We do have some MRAs elsewhere on board at the moment pretending to be women.... "women getting the rage at a pretty teenager" might be something they've written

TalkinBoutNuthin · 31/08/2017 21:25

Marcey - to be a joke wouldn't we need to find it funny? Because this is as funny as catcalling builders....

MarcyMercy · 31/08/2017 21:35

Talkin,

Maybe I am right though. What if what I said were true?

Anyway I think some people need to unleash their inner funny bone now and then. It doesn't always have to be oh so PC now does it.

You may not have a humerus, but I still do.

TathitiPete · 31/08/2017 21:48

I'm sorry Marcey I don't quite understand your point. Are you saying "Maybe this au pair is really gorgeous" ? If so, why would that be relevant? Are you insinuating that OP is reluctant to have the au pair at this gathering somehow due to the au pairs looks?

underneaththeash · 31/08/2017 21:49

That's really odd...none of our au pairs (we've 6 now) would want to attend a meal with people they don't know, it'd be very awkward. We've also never been to any of our friends houses for lunch and had their au pairs their either.

Just text and say that you're not really up to having someone you don't know round at the moment.

CoughLaughFart · 31/08/2017 23:10

*Maybe, but it's up to the 9 yo and the 15 yo to discuss with their own parents if they will attend or not. It's awful for someone to tell them that they are no longer welcome. At best, it's rude.

how would you feel if you are uninvited somewhere because your DH is working late for example?*

Anyone old enough to have a 'DH' is an adult who can easily attend a social event alone. A nine year-old child realistically isn't a guest in god or her own right. If this was a children's party of course it would be okay to send them with the au pair - but it's primarily a dinner for adults. The kids were coming to spend time with their cousin.

To follow your scenario, if my partner and I were invited somewhere and he couldn't make it, then no, I wouldn't expect to be 'uninvited'. But I also wouldn't phone the host and inform them that as my partner couldn't come I'd be bringing the gardener instead.

CoughLaughFart · 31/08/2017 23:13

We do have some MRAs elsewhere on board at the moment pretending to be women...

MRAs?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 31/08/2017 23:23

Ignore the goady, Benny Hill type.

The only think amusing about this thread is that the OP hasn't been back.

LondonNicki · 31/08/2017 23:42

I've worked as an au pair and wouldn't have expected (or wanted) to be invited to a dinner party like this. It completely changes the dynamics so you are reasonable in saying no.

Grilledaubergines · 31/08/2017 23:48

I can't imagine for one minute the au pair would want to be there. And that's no offence to you OP, but really she's really not going to feel hugely comfortable.

Andylion · 01/09/2017 00:30

Years ago, I was an au pair. I was invited to a couple of dinners with the family. As polite as the hosts were, it was very awkward.

namechangefordummies · 01/09/2017 00:34

Of course YANBU!!

She's basically sending a proxy in her place for dinner. That's not how an invitation works.

The loons on here who think this is acceptable are bizarre!

VimFuego101 · 01/09/2017 00:35

I can see SIL might want to bring the au pair along with her own two children (you're supposed to treat them like an older sibling I think?) but sending the AP along in her place is odd. I bet she isn't really working late

KeepServingTheDrinks · 01/09/2017 10:09

Sorry, I don't know what MRA is either (and I can't seem to see the place for going and looking up acronyms any more???).

But I totally agree with what PPs have said, and Vim says it perfectly. Au pair welcome as well - lovely. Au pair instead of - awkward for everyone.

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