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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Au pair coming to dinner

65 replies

TigerLeo · 31/08/2017 19:30

Have invited a few friends to dinner on Fri and also invited my SIL (husband's sister) and her two children (cousins to my 13 yr old DD). She texted to say she was working late but would send her 15 and 9 yr old with her new au pair whom I have not yet met. AIBU to not to want to have to look after a young woman who does not speak English too well all night. I just want to relax and talk to my friends. Husband doesn't think it's a problem but I know it will be me who has to make the effort with her and I'm just not in the mood at the mo' - especially as my mother (who has breast cancer) will also be there and I want to concentrate on looking after her.

OP posts:
SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 31/08/2017 20:22

Yeah, the SIL's family, not the OP's! YANBU, I wouldn't invite a stranger to my house for dinner myself, let alone one being imposed on me.
Exactly. How strange.

Op if you would have invited the kids on their own, I might say just drop them off and give the aupair the day off.

If not, tell her sorry to miss her but you'll see her another time.

She's never going to be treated as a member of the family by strangers. This is just work for her and awkward unfair work. People who think that's mean, do you actually believe she'd rather be there than home???Confused

UnicornSparkles1 · 31/08/2017 20:23

What Willow said. Tell SIL to get the kids dropped off and then collected at X time. No need for a babysitter surely?

SteelyTesticlesOfObjectivity · 31/08/2017 20:24

Today 20:17 MarcyMercy

What if new Au pair is blonde, Swedish, a dish, and a size zero with humungous boobies.

Could be offputting for everyone. But maybe not for all, wink!

I would say a definite NO. Mums come first, especially yours at this time.

Confused the fuck?

eddielizzard · 31/08/2017 20:24

text back and say don't worry, you'll see her another time. it wouldn't work with the au pair.

she's probably assuming it's a family get together so good chance for her to get to know everyone. it's actually a gentle look after your mother session. if she knew that i'm sure she wouldn't get the au pair to dep.

sonjadog · 31/08/2017 20:24

I don´t know the details of this situation like you do, grand, but when I was an au pair, I was at all kinds of events and met people of all ages. It was really interesting to get an insight into some else´s culture. Certainly better than being left at home on my own.

But if the OP doesn´t want the au pair there, then that´s fair enough. Tell your sister she can´t come. I doubt the au pair wants to go somewhere she isn´t welcome either.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2017 20:26

Yanbu. What Annie said sounds good.

ittakes2 · 31/08/2017 20:26

So I'm guessing this is more about her children than the au pair - you have a 13 DD and you're having a family event. Is it so wrong of your sisinlaw to either assume you want or for that matter for her to be keen for her children to still get to be involved even if she is working? And unless you are in walking distance, I'm guessing the aupair needs to drive her children to your house?
You might be feeling more emotional understandably because of your mother. Just tell sisinlaw you are feeling a bit overwhelmed with your mothers illness and was hoping to keep it close family. So can the au pair just drop the cousins rather than also coming to dinner.

BoomBoomsCousin · 31/08/2017 20:26

YANBU. Being part of the family or not isn't even the issue - if she were SIL's visiting cousin who the OP had never met it would be weird and awkward to send her with the children to a dinner party of friends. If the SIL was coming too and it was thought AP would enjoy it, then extending the invitation would be nice. But in this situation, it's setting up everyone, especially the OP and the AP, but also the other guests) for awkwardness.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 31/08/2017 20:27

Ignoring Benny Hill's post

This wou don't bother me at. Would be interesting to meet her!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 31/08/2017 20:28

*Wouldnt bother me.

ChasedByBees · 31/08/2017 20:29

Nope you are NBU. Are you going to tell your SIL though?

Mittens1969 · 31/08/2017 20:30

Willow, the au pair probably wouldn't understand the personal stuff as her English won't be good enough by the sound of it. (The OP was worrying about having to entertain her because of her lack of English, remember.) But it will feel awkward of course.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 31/08/2017 20:30

Is SIL really working late? Are you sure she doesn't just want some "alone time" with her DP?

JigglyTuff · 31/08/2017 20:32

What if new Au pair is blonde, Swedish, a dish, and a size zero with humungous boobies.

Hmm
Willow2017 · 31/08/2017 20:34

Muttens
Even if she doesn't understand ops mum will not feel comfortable talking about her illness while a stranger is there.
As you say very awkward position to put everyone in

MarcyMercy · 31/08/2017 20:39

Oh FFS would you just try and read a bit of irony and jokiness here WRT the description of au pair as Swedish, blonde etc.

I can just see if she is a beautiful woman that all male eyes will be on her, and all females will want to kill her.

It's a plot for a movie you see.

Jeez is there no humour left in this place anymore.

Maelstrop · 31/08/2017 20:39

Weird, I'd say no and a 15 year old will probably be horrified to be chaperoned by an au pair!

coddiwomple · 31/08/2017 20:43

It's not an evening for the children

Hmm As the OP herself wrote invited my SIL (husband's sister) and her two children how bloody rude would it be to uninvite the kids because their mum is working late!
It's a family thing, the kids know they are invited to see their cousins, who would tell them that they are no longer welcome after all.

OP, why don't you just talk with your SIL, and explain that she and the kids are very welcome, but you would be uncomfortable with the AP on your own for the reasons you wrote here. It's family, why can't people communicate?

CoughLaughFart · 31/08/2017 20:49

It's a family thing, the kids know they are invited to see their cousins, who would tell them that they are no longer welcome after all.

If we'd been invited to a family do as a teenager (and I'm not even sure that's what this is) and my parents couldn't go, I'd think 'oh, shame we'll miss it'. I certainly wouldn't have wanted or expected to go with the bloody nanny.

MrsSchadenfreude · 31/08/2017 20:49

I doubt the au pair would want to come! I can't think of anything worse for the poor girl, either. Why can't she have the evening off?

coddiwomple · 31/08/2017 20:58

I certainly wouldn't have wanted or expected to go with the bloody nanny.

Maybe, but it's up to the 9 yo and the 15 yo to discuss with their own parents if they will attend or not. It's awful for someone to tell them that they are no longer welcome. At best, it's rude.
how would you feel if you are uninvited somewhere because your DH is working late for example?

SweetLuck · 31/08/2017 20:59

Marcy how is that ironic? Confused

ginswinger · 31/08/2017 21:04

Our au pair is one of the family, we treat her as we would hope her family would treat my daughter. I wouldn't see anything odd about this!

NonnoMum · 31/08/2017 21:08

How lovely for the au pair! You must do it. Can't believe you wouldn't think to ask her anyways...

i'm sure she'd appreciate some British hospitality and good food.

MarcyMercy · 31/08/2017 21:13

Sweet,

OK, for you dear, let us just say the au pair is a beautiful 18 year old blonde buxom nymphette who would take the eyes out of any hetero male, and would engender rage in females at this get together.

It was just a joke, but I suppose there is no point in posting anything vaguely humorous here anymore, because some people just don't get it anymore. Too busy pulling up posters instead of reading posts. Typical.