Hi. I need a bit of help about this ongoing situation with a close family member. I fully intend to be told that Aibu and that I'm being bitter and I will admit right now that I am bitter but I don't want to be. I'll explain why and then you can tell me straight. I don't want to out myself so can't go into every single detail but I'll say what I can.
This person, let's call her Sarah (obviously not real name) is a close family member of mine. We have had a moments over the years rowing and having disagreements but mainly because she can be hard work, is very obsessive, and I've realised exactly what type of person she is.
For years now I've known she has created a situation were she has lied to friends and family members about the relationship with her children's father. The top and bottom of it is she is in a relationship with him but claims some benefits as a single parent. Now yes, I'll admit the claiming money as a single parent is very annoying but what annoys me more is that at first she pretended she was on her own and now to friends and family she is very open about the fact they whilst they aren't together for the intents and purposes of claiming help financially they are still very much in a relationship i.e. he spends most evenings at her house, they spend holidays, days out together etc.
That is what it is but there are a couple of things that are making it hard to be around her. Earlier this year I found out that her and her children's farher were involved in something very serious and also very much illegal. The way in which I found out means I'm 99.99% sure that this is true and looking back now the pieces have fell into place. What they have done is not only illegal but it's immoral. It also means that she has lied to me and manipulated me into believing things that aren't true. I won't say exactly what they have been doing but they have benefited quite generously from it. I decided to keep what I found out to myself but it's become increasingly difficult. She has risked her job, her children and the safety of others by doing what she has done and whilst I know this type of thing goes on I really didn't expect a family member of mine would be involved in it.
A couple of months after finding out what had been going on she came into some money, quite a considerable amount. Under normal circumstances I would have been ecstatic for her, just like I would be for any of my friends and family members but how can I be happy for her when I know previously (I'm assuming they've stopped it) what they have been doing to make money.
Of course now they are booking holidays left right and centre together and whilst it's nice for the children not one of her friends, or our family members are questioning why her children's dad is going along to.
I won't lie to you, I'd be a bit jealous if anyone I knew came in to such a large amount of money, I'm only human but I'd move on, get over it and be happy for them, but I'm finding it really hard. The dodgy dealings that she was involved in has meant she has carefully created situations to make people believe things that aren't true and she has spent years lying to everyone. If I'm being honest she is such a difficult person and has been since we were younger. She brings nothing positive to my life and even before all this she made me feel stressed and rather inferior at times. Now she's shoving her money in my face and making out her children will experience far more than mine will that I just want to scream. I want to shout at her and tell her that she is a liar and despite this money she has now, I know what she has been doing and that I'm disgusted with her. But as it will affect our entire family and some mutual friends I decided to keep my mouth shut. I really really want to me happy for her but how can I be when I know what I know. If one of my friends, parents, grandparents etc had come in to this sort of money I'd be over the moon for them as I know that they are honest hard working people who deserve a break but I can't be happy for her. My worry is now that I think she is starting to notice I'm not over the moon for her.
I expect to be told Aibu but I can't help it. Don't get me wrong I'm that busy with the kids and work that I don't exactly have time to sit round and dwell on it, and won't discuss it with my partner as he thinks she's a disgrace for what she's done, so I have no one to talk to about it. What options realistically do I have?