To lie to people

[champagnesky]

Is it unreasonable to lie when you can't be arsed with the truth?

I lie a lot. How bad is it really?

What do you mean by lying to your DH to stop him being pissed off?

Pissed off about what?

An affair? That you drank the last of the milk?

I absolutely hate lying. It really makes me mad. My DS's 'father' lied constantly and I really won't tolerate DS lying to me.

I find it weird that you'd lie all the time. How do you remember what you've said? Trust me, people will get to know that you lie as you will drop yourself in it, and then they won't trust you.

Not a great place to be.

It really depends.

As pp says if its 'i am good' when you arent thats fine.

Making stuff up, for converstation purposes, isnt good. And will catch up with you.

Lying not to piss your husband off. Again does he get really pissed off there is no milk. Or do you lie and tell him you didnt empty the bank account.

A lot of the time I feel I need to lie in order to have things to talk about.

Then I think that is a problem - that is edging into compulsive liar territory, really. Constantly making stuff up to try and make yourself sound more interesting isn't really harmless; it's a bit weird and people will definitely notice eventually.

When you say you lie to your husband to stop him from being pissed off, what sort of things do you mean? Do you mean that you have to lie about things because he's abusive or jealous about things that are perfectly reasonable (eg is he the type that thinks you're having an affair if you mention you had a conversation with a male colleague)? Or do you mean that you do things that you know are wrong and then lie to avoid having to face up to them (eg things like spending money from a joint account that you know you can't afford on something you don't really need)?

The times I think it's OK to lie are to be kind to someone who would be hurt or worried unnecessarily by the truth (eg 'Yes, your newly decorated living room looks lovely/you don't look fat' when you actually think the opposite or 'Sorry I can't come for after-work drinks, I'm not feeling very well' when actually you just find your colleagues massively irritating and don't want to socialise with them).

I don't think just lying for the sake of having something to say is especially healthy and I don't think a relationship where one or both partners routinely lies to the other because they are scared of an argument is very healthy either.

All the time. I've no interest in people's judgements and opinions so I lie

I hate liars! I've always told my kids there would be a worse punishment over lying about a "naughty" thing than there would be for just doing something naughty.

The thing is - most people can see a lie - they know you are lying and you probably know they know as well

Why bother?

DM lies a lot. Stuff to keep up a certain image and pretence. When she was younger she mostly got away with it. Now she's older it's just bloody daft the stuff she comes out with and forgets who she's told what.

Don't get into the habit of lying.

“Is it unreasonable to lie when you can't be arsed with the truth?”

Of course it is

“I lie a lot. How bad is it really?”

If you lie a lot for the above reason then it is really bad. What do you hope to achieve by lying all the time?

I can understand a white lie to save people’s feelings, but just to lie for the sake of it is a despicable personality trait.

“Integrity is massively important to me, I value my own integrity and I don't trust those who don't value theirs.”

This ^^. There is no way I would ever be able to respect someone who thinks it is OK to lie for the ridiculous reasons you have given. Although I respect the fact that you have admitted to it and are asking on here, because clearly you know deep down it is wrong.

"All the time. I've no interest in people's judgements and opinions so I lie"

I judge you for lying PinkSquishy. I agree with GreenTulips. Most people can see through a lie and they don't believe or respect the liar, so why bother?

It depends on what the lie is doesn't it?

"I'm fine" instead of "I feel shit but if I talk about it I'll cry"

or

"I'm sorry I'm busy that evening" instead of "I'd rather eat my head than go there with you"

or

"That was fabulous recorder playing darling" instead of "thta sounded like a cat being tortured"

are all lies. But possibly better than the truth

I've lied about my due date as I don't want people interfering I think that's reasonable

But ...

"Could be better" instead of "I feel shit but if I talk about it I'll cry"

or

"I won't be coming, sorry" instead of "I'd rather eat my head than go there with you"

or

"That was an interesting interpretation" instead of "thta sounded like a cat being tortured"

are all true ... there is generally a true response that doesn't hurt people's feelings.

All the time. I've no interest in people's judgements and opinions so I lie

thats probably just as well then!

I don't like lying and I have troubles trusting anyone who lies habitually.
To me it is a big deal.
The only time I consider it ok to lie is when telling the truth would hurt more than necessary, so diplomacy is in order.

All the time. I've no interest in people's judgements and opinions so I lie

If you really werent interested, you would not lie.

Lying is very rarely necessary. There are polite ways to be honest.
"it's great that you're trying so hard to learn that new tune on your recorder - keep going, practise makes perfect."

"I think the other dress looks better on you than that one..." (Unless they're just about to leave the house)

Integrity is very important. I do understand the odd white lie but you can be truthful in most situations without being a dick.

Lying to be interesting sounds like t could be a problem.

I agree Alexkate I think people who lie all the time lack social awareness and just don't know how to interact with people.

Those are the sort of comments I would make. I remember going shopping with a friend when she tried on a skirt and said (really ) "does my bum look big in this?"

The brutally honest answer would have been yes. Instead I picked out another skirt and said I thought she would suit that better. It isn't difficult.

My brother lies like normal people breathe, it's quite pathetic & utterly tiresome & is the main reason I cut him out of my life. It's a horrible trait to have but a very easy habit to fall into I'd be quite concerned if I had to lie all the time to prevent DH being pissed off.

I like this quote:

The only lies for which we are truly punished are those we tell ourselves - V.S Naipaul

I was friends with a liar at one point. Started off lying about small things, then it got way out of hand. She would lie, she knew I knew she was lying, so she'd lie some more to dig herself out of the lie. It was exhausting. I dreaded speaking to her because it was never the truth. She'd also tell different lies to different people and quiet often forgot who she told what lie to so she couldn't keep up with her lies. She'd also start a row telling you your opinions (on small things) were wrong and ignore you for days if you dare disagreed with her!

She used to say 'I'm so honest, people don't like it' - she wasn't honest, she was rude.

Example:
Poorly friend: 'I feel rubbish today'
Her response: 'You look it, your clothes are horrid, you need to brush your hair, change your clothes and put some make up on because you look ugly. I'm not stepping out with you like that. You look trampy'

She was very hard work. I'm glad we don't speak anymore.

All the time. I've no interest in people's judgements and opinions so I lie Please take a moment and have a think about this comment. It actually means the opposite.

Most of her lies were unbelievable. She'd also tell terrible lies to cause arguments and then act like the victim.
She also lied to make her life sound interesting - it didn't really work. She lost a large number of friends last year due to her lies.

It depends on the lies - something like 'I'm fine' doesn't bother me, whereas big lies do.

Most (if not all) people lie. A lot. A lot of people don't realise just how often they lie because they don't see the lies as significant.

It sounds like you feel it is a problem though so I'd try to address it.

I can think of a handful of girls at DD's school who were inveterate liars. Their friends have dwindled away as they have seen through their lies.