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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my four elderly cats to sleep even though they are not dying?

427 replies

Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 16:11

DH lost his job and we've had to move to a cheaper area of the city we live in. The house we have found to accommodate our family and within our price range does not allow pets. We will also probably have to move abroad next year because most of the jobs that DH can get are in Europe.

We have gone through periods of boarding our cats while we have been looking for somewhere new to live and all the turmoil it has brought about. It has been expensive boarding as each cat has a different health condition which needs a lot of attention, giving meds, vet visits etc, so we've had to pay extra for the very kind lady at the boarding to do that too.

I have volunteered for animal rescues in our area for 20 years, and I know what pressure they are under. I know that most people abandon their animals without a second look, and if they do make a donation to the shelter before they disappear, it's usually just enough to cover the initial vaccinations and perhaps a spay. I've also had these cats so long that I don't feel I could trust someone else to look after them in a way that they wouldn't suffer. I know that doesn't sound rational, but I've just had them for so long, I know them so well.

There is also an element for me of feeling terribly embarrassed, after all these years of volunteering and donating, to present the same story as everyone else who we have rolled our eyes at over the years. In the "rescue" world I volunteer in, there is no excuse to abandon your animals.

I am temped now to put them down, so that I can know that they had a fantastic life and that they did not suffer. It will save me a lot of anxiety (yes I'm aware I am thinking about me). I know also that this doesn't sound rational either. But to me it feels like the right thing.

What do you think? The cats are all 16 from the same litter.

OP posts:
Karmapolicearrestthisman · 30/08/2017 19:58

CP fosterers care for cats in their own homes and they do very well. I don't like the suggestion that "shelters are stressful and evil" as it's a huge misrepresentation. I fostered my cat and later adopted her; she went from a frightened puss to a lovely little soul in a short space of time.

Karmapolicearrestthisman · 30/08/2017 19:58

CP fosterers care for cats in their own homes and they do very well. I don't like the suggestion that "shelters are stressful and evil" as it's a huge misrepresentation. I fostered my cat and later adopted her; she went from a frightened puss to a lovely little soul in a short space of time.

Karmapolicearrestthisman · 30/08/2017 19:58

Sorry for the triple...

Minty82 · 30/08/2017 19:59

I can't believe some of the responses to this thread. Posters throwing around words like murder, or comparing cats to people, are where the stereotype 'crazy cat lady' comes from.
OP, you sound an incredibly committed and sensitive pet owner. You've given your cats a wonderful life, and if circumstances now mean that you can't keep them with you and you don't want to distress them by splitting them up and sending them into the unknown, so be it. I don't think you should have any qualms about that; it's a responsible solution to a difficult situation.
We're contemplating getting a cat, and to be honest some of the attitudes on display here are putting me off a bit. I couldn't handle being mistaken for someone who would ever equate an animal's life to a human's. It horrifies me.

BabychamSocialist · 30/08/2017 20:02

Would you put down an elderly relative if they lived with you and you had to move to a flat? No, you wouldn't. Animals are living creatures, and you shouldn't have taken them on if you weren't able to look after them.

Sorry, but I hate this belief that animals can be just put to sleep because they've become a burden.

chips4teaplease · 30/08/2017 20:02

Had three elderly rabbits. Two were ill, life would be less pleasant for them. The third had never been separated from her brother in her life, but was in better condition. The vet agreed it was best for all three to go at once, she was quite firm about it.

I am still a bit shaken over a year later. I know I had them killed. But I watched my mother die slowly over a long period of time and I know which option I'd choose for myself if I could.

melj1213 · 30/08/2017 20:03

a lot of rescues use fosters so the cats would not be put in a cattery with lots of other cats.

The problem is, mydogisthebest is that this is not the case for all rescues and even if they do have foster carers there is no guarantee that all four of the cats would go to the same foster together (not all fosters are set up to deal with 4 elderly cats with medical issues, one or two maybe but not four together)

If the OP had a guarantee that they would all be kept together in a foster until they could all be adopted together then I'm sure she would not be considering having them PTS but since this is a very unlikely situation then it is the sign of a responsible owner that she is considering all the options.

Celestia26 · 30/08/2017 20:09

Greyhorses I appreciate your knowledge and experience on this, but I wasn't suggesting we 'shut the door' on the client. It still stands that I have never seen an animal put to sleep that is healthy, based on the clients situation in no longer being able to look after them. They have always been signed over to us, rehomed or fostered. This even accounts for animals who aren't healthy but can be treated but the owners cannot afford treatment (for example rtas) we do exactly the same. Euthanasia is always a last resort, and I'm surprised by any practices who don't fully explore the alternatives first, especially as in this situation we are talking about healthy animals who aren't suffering.

CheerfulYank · 30/08/2017 20:12

Oh for fuck's sake, some of you. Hmm

OP I'd at least try rehoming if I were you. Ask around. Someone will take them, probably even someone you know. As previous posters said, could they be split 2 and 2?

LilQueenie · 30/08/2017 20:13

Why cant you rehome them. Plenty cat lovers would be willing. Its just a case of finding them.

Findingdotty · 30/08/2017 20:14

It would break my heart but YANBU. It is definitely worth considering. At 16 they are old and not in good health. As a nation we are too sentimental about these things and don't consider the animal's future enough. A house move or removing via a rescue centre will not be in their best interest. And being realistic they won't be rehoused easily and would cost the rescue centre lots of money as they have medical issues. How many more young cats or kittens could be rehoused with the same money that a centre would spend on the medication for four 16 yr old cats.

Don't beat yourself up if you have given them 16 wonderful well cared for years.

Original poster
Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 20:15

Hi All - I have replied to the thread, I think, on page 6, and explained some things, but I know that gets lost because this thread is filling up quickly.

I am looking at all the options. I am going to talk to everyone and see what I can do. Please don't call me names on here, as it's a very upsetting topic for me too.

I am reticent to write anymore because what i am saying seems to be inflammatory to some people.

OP posts:
melj1213 · 30/08/2017 20:15

Would you put down an elderly relative if they lived with you and you had to move to a flat? No, you wouldn't. Animals are living creatures, and you shouldn't have taken them on if you weren't able to look after them.

If they were unable to move to the flat because of their health issues and would otherwise have to go into a care home that they would more than likely never move out of, then yes.

I recently watched my formerly fit, active and full of life grandfather succumb to a very aggressive form of dementia ... three years ago he was running football training sessions every week and running the line if needed in the Saturday games; two years ago he started showing significant signs of dementia but was still able to live at home (with carers) and perform basic functions like feeding & washing himself with help; one year ago it had got the the stage where he couldn't do anything by himself and he had to go into a care home where he very quickly deteriorated to being bedbound and died a couple of months ago.

If we had had the option to euthanize him two years ago when he was a bit unsteady on his feet, forgetful but otherwise was perfectly healthy before the dementia forced him to be moved into a care home, then I'd have taken it.

UnicornSparkles1 · 30/08/2017 20:19

This is bound to get picked up by the tabloids. It's too inflammatory not to.

I hope your rescue friends don't recognise you, OP.

Greyhorses · 30/08/2017 20:20

Celestia, I think we are on the same page in that we don't euthanise healthy animals either. We also have 'stray funds' and actively sign over and rehome unwanted animals brought in for euthanasia or strays. This week so far I've already rehomed one who had bitten and a diabetic cat so we certainly aren't a kill them all type establishment Smile

However, rehoming 4 cats together with health issues is a huge ask. Cats find moving so stressful as it is and finding someone willing to take them on is going to be very difficult.

If they came into one of our consult rooms I can't imagine any of our vets refusing on the basis that its obviously a difficult decision for the Op, who knows the cats better than any of us, and if she thinks it's the right decision then it probably is. The cats aren't healthy as Op stated, they are at the end of their lives realistically, it's unfair to seperate them, the chances of them being rehomed especially together are minisclule. Even a foster home would be massively stressful for cats who have lived in the same home and family group since birth almost not to mention the cost of taking on 4 elderly cats to a charity paying for meds etc.

Maybe us horsey people are harsher than some as it's seen as a real faux pas to pass on the burden of elderly horses yet in the small animal world it seems the opposite Confused

Atenco · 30/08/2017 20:23

I must reiterate that there are people who take on elderly animals

I am a bit bemused by this. I was moving countries and had to rehome my healthy young adult cat. It took me six months to find a home for her.

Ivymaud · 30/08/2017 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ittakes2 · 30/08/2017 20:26

We found it difficult to find a landlord who would accept my mil's aging dogs. So we offered one extra bond and they agreed to let her have them. Sorry you have this dilemma.

Original poster
Turningtiger · 30/08/2017 20:28

Also, why on earth did you post such a sensitive topic in AIBU, OP?

I wanted to see what the general opinion was and whether anybody else had done this and realised it was the right decision.

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 30/08/2017 20:32

Atenco another one of those things you only see on mumsnet: elderly cats flying out the doors of shelters Hmm

Sara107 · 30/08/2017 20:32

Op, I am sorry you're in such a difficult situation. And it's not fair so e of the emotive statement s being hurled around. You know your cats better than anyone and you are the best judge of what solution can be found. My cat is 13 and diabetic, after a life of various ailments. I told the vet I did not want to embark on treatment for her, and the vet said that she respected that decision and that she knew I would not let the cat suffer when it came towards the end. In the event we did start insulin treatment but my point is that if you know your vet and they know you and the cats that they will probably be helpful and ultimately supportive of your decision whatever it is.

Minty82 · 30/08/2017 20:35

Oh for crying out loud. So now apparently the tabloids would be interested in someone agonising over whether to have her elderly cats put down. And the topic is "inflammatory"?!!

AllToadsLeadToHome · 30/08/2017 20:36

People DO take on older pets, I am one of them. They are loved and cared for until their time comes.

An older person is more likely to take an older cat because of the problem of where it would be rehomed if they died first. I have seen people on the Streetlife site (sadly gone now) asking where they could find a pet because they were older and couldn't get to the Rescues easily but wanted a companion.

Veterinari · 30/08/2017 20:37

Half the posters name-calling the OP will have eaten an 'innocent and healthy' animal for tea this evening. The hypocrisy is breathtaking. Or does animal life only matter when it's cute? Yeah that's a rational decision-making process. Or perhaps it is the 'purpose' of livestock to die - that's why we see them lining up at the slaughterhouse, dying secure in the knowledge that they've fulfilled their duty to their human overlords...

The bottom line is that animals don't care what people think, only what we do and how it affects them

What matters to an animal is it's own lived experience - a good life and a humane death, not the sentimentality-inspired ethics of humans.

Op it sounds as if you're making a pragmatic and humane decision based on years of experience as a pet owner and shelter volunteer. You don't need absolution from witch-hunting internet randoms.

LittleBooInABox · 30/08/2017 20:37

YABU.

Your being cruel to them. Killing them for no reason.

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