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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should we have paid for it?

74 replies

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 30/08/2017 11:22

We have just forked out £200 to mend MIL's iPad that DS(1) dropped and the screen smashed.

We were round at MIL's over the weekend and she gave DS her iPad to play with. We took it off him a couple of times and put it on the side because he wasn't really interested in it and he kept leaving it next to him on the settee and then climbing down and it edging toward the end of the sofa and we didn't want it to drop.

Each time she gave it him back, as in, handed it to him. He dropped it once and luckily it didn't break, at which point I said, 'MIL I really don't want it to get broken, it's very kind but he's alright.' She agreed at put it on the side. DH and I were in the kitchen doing the dishes after dinner whilst MIL was in the front room with DS.

We heard her shout 'DS, no! You silly boy!' Went in and lo and behold, the iPad had smashed after she had given it back to him and he had dropped it. She sulked about it and kept repeating 'he shouldn't have nice things if he can't look after them.' DH told her that it was her own fault for keeping to give it him after we told her not to repeatedly but sent her the money to get it fixed anyway.

Ever since, I keep justifying it in my head thinking it wasn't our responsibility. Granted our child broke it and we would never have not paid but she gave a one year old an iPad to carry, what was she thinking would happen? AIBU? More than open to be told I am.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/08/2017 12:44

Oh I'm angry for you!
Stupid bloody woman, what on earth was she playing at, forcing something onto him that he wasn't even interested in, had been told that he was too young for, and he'd already dropped once anyway?
She completely set him up to fail.

Poor little soul. At least there's one benefit to his deafness, he didn't hear her shout at him, although he could probably see her angry face :(

I'd reduce contact even further - I doubt she'll get any better. Tell her that you'll let her see DS when she's learnt how to communicate effectively with him.

user1471517900 · 30/08/2017 12:48

This is one of these threads where the OP clearly isn't wondering at all whether she's unreasonable. It's too obvious. So it's basically just an excuse to bash the invisible MIL. Obviously the MIL is to blame here, but the innocent framing of the question in the OP followed up by "here's reasons why she's more evil" is always annoying on here.

Titanz · 30/08/2017 12:53

No it's her own stupid fault.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 30/08/2017 13:02

She obviously enjoys courting drama !
Very silly woman, jeopardising her relationship with you, and very lucky that you paid for the screen fixing.

kaitlinktm · 30/08/2017 13:09

Good grief - I would feel so guilty if my adult children had to pay £200 to repair something which was broken because of my own silliness. I would imagine them going home saying well that was an expensive visit. I couldn't accept it. Some people don't deserve grandchildren (I don't have any, so it annoys me).

livefornaps · 30/08/2017 13:26

@redexpat - I think they've already given her her Christmas present, to the tune of £200! What's done is done, but no more presents for her for the forseeable I would say, and if she asks just say her little repair job cleared you out. Fuck it, these people are not worth trying to please - you will always be lacking something in their eyes. Can't believe she sees her son with a young baby as her meal ticket

TheMaddHugger · 30/08/2017 13:45

Is she jealous of the Attention DS gets [with or without him being deaf] ?

She sounds pretty determined to be the victim - he gosh darn broke my Ipad

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) for your DS. What a horrid Gma he has

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity · 30/08/2017 14:03

You definitely shouldn't have been made to pay! And I say this as someone who is expecting the courier any minute now to pick up my own kid's iPad after "Wasn't Me" smashed it. "Wasn't me" is DD's friend who was visiting. Yeah. Thanks for that, kid. Deny deny deny and I can't bill your mum for it!
Now it's £100 excess to pay and likely higher insurance premiums now for me because I failed to remind my kids again that only they can touch their iPad.

OP your MIL is a joke. Do NOT send her birthday and Christmas gifts for a while, at least to the tune of £200! And let her bloody know why! It is entirely her fault. She was warned.

celeste4 · 31/08/2017 10:28

Why would anyone give their ipad to a one yr old? If you know you have a 1 yr old coming to visit then you place or delicate/expensive things out of reach. The fault lies with the person whos ipad it is in my opinion.

BayLeaves · 31/08/2017 12:37

So it's basically just an excuse to bash the invisible MIL. That's an unsympathetic way of looking at it... The way I see it, something shit happened and OP knows that MIL is the unreasonable one, but still feels crap about it and wants advice/reassurance on here.

TakeAnadin · 31/08/2017 18:21

silly woman, honestly! TUT!

MammaTJ · 31/08/2017 18:36

Totally off topic, can someone recommend a free sign language app? DD, age 12 would really like to learn. I did a basic course years ago, but have forgotten most of what I learnt, due to lack of use. If DD and I learn together, we will use it no, not to have secret conversations DP and DS cannot understand, oh no, not us

MiddleClassProblem · 31/08/2017 19:45

Just make sure it's a BSL one as some are ASL and the Americans don't have the same signs for everything.

If he just tries a few free ones and see what he gets on with and deletes ones that he doesn't, that's what I would do it no idea which are good x

Daydreamerbynight · 31/08/2017 19:51

Didn't we have a similar post some weeks ago where a DS broke an IPad that a babysitter had bought with her and given it to DS to play with and everyone was extremely harsh with the OP when she asked if she was BU to pay for it? Can't see much difference apart from the OP on that post was not at home to tell the babysiter not to let DS play with it in case he broke it.

kaitlinktm · 01/09/2017 09:09

@daydreamer - IIRC on that thread the child was 10 years old though (if I have got the right thread). You expect a one year old to drop things, but at ten you might reasonably expect them to keep hold of it.

Only1scoop · 01/09/2017 09:13

Fool for offering an iPad to a small toddler

She won't do it again

I'd have taken it off him but yes you did right to pay

Rollercoaster1920 · 01/09/2017 11:42

I think you've done the right thing. I.e. you shouldn't be responsible for paying for it. But you have so your MIL who is skint isn't without it.

Tell MIL to be more careful with nice things in future!

NannyRed · 01/09/2017 14:41

So you don't even know if your child broke it or if MIL dropped it and blamed the baby, because at one that's what he is. No way would I have paid.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/09/2017 16:28

What will she give him next, I wonder?

A box of matches and a bottle of paraffin?

KatieC0811 · 01/09/2017 16:33

I'd be cutting contact completely, at least until she apologises for her non-grandparenting.
It's disgusting that she hasn't managed to learn a simple handful of signs (come on, 'hello bobby' isnt exactly rocket science, in 18mnths??) to communicate with her grandson, and even more disgusting to draw £200 out of you and dh when everyone involved clearly understands this was entirely her own doing.
She seems very overbearing and controlling, to not acknowledge your warnings at all, "I know best" springs to mind! Must make family life quite unpleasent for you at times, OP

PollyFlint · 01/09/2017 16:37

Yes, but the child in this case was much older (somewhere in the 7 -
10 region I think, certainly old enough to know that an iPad is fragile) and the teenage babysitter wasn't told not to give it to them. I would say that the babysitter could reasonably expect that a child that age would be able to sit down on a sofa and use a tablet without smashing it. Plenty of kids have their own iPads at that age.

In this case, OP's MIL gave her iPad to an 18-month-old toddler after being repeatedly told that he would likely break it and asked not to let him touch it. Massive, massive difference.

fc301 · 01/09/2017 16:59

I'm with PeaFaceMcgee. This is way more dysfunctional than an accident.
Let's be clear. By repeatedly encouraging him to take the iPad she was consistently and deliberately setting him up to fail. Then she shouted at a deaf one year old, sulked, and told you that (a baby) shouldn't have nice things if he can't look after them. WTAF?
Cease encouraging them to form a relationship and instead create clear and specific boundaries (with your DH) relating to any and all contact she has with your son.

KityGlitr · 01/09/2017 17:23

She sounds horrendous. I can't believe she shouted at him and called him a silly boy. I don't even have kids but if someone did that to my niece or nephew I'd be baying for blood. Kids break stuff at that age. You know this and made it clear to her and tried to take the iPad away. She thought she knew best and was probably acting so viciously as she was humiliated you'd been proved right about the iPad not being appropriate for him, so she had to pin the blame on him. A one your old ffs.

I wouldn't trust someone like that around my kid. You wouldn't have been unreasonable not to have paid but I can see why you did and even in those circumstances if I could afford to pay and the other person was skint I'd have done it just to be kind. But the way she acted would forever colour my opinion of her and I wouldn't want to spend much time with her unless she independently approached you off her own back and admitted she overreacted, was sorry, knew it was her fault not your DS' and would be careful not to let it happen again.

If she didn't acknowledge what she did was wrong I'd struggle being around her. Shouting at a deaf child. I'm not saying what she did is the most heinous thing a GP can do but it's better to have no or low contact with someone like that than to force it just because of blood ties.

cluelessnewmum · 01/09/2017 17:32

Sorry but your MIL sounds like an idiot on several fronts.

Most seriously because she called your one year old DS a silly boy and told him off, I would have stern words with a family member for that and if they kept doing it I wouldn't visit them anymore.

She gave the ipad back to the baby even after you said not to.

She gave the ipad to the baby without your permission. Each to their own but I wouldn't want such a small child having screen time and would be annoyed if a family member gave them a device to play with.

You shouldn't have paid her a penny and your dh was weak for giving her the money.

I would email her and say that in future you're not paying for any expensive stuff she is stupid enough to give to your child.

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