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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should we have paid for it?

74 replies

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 30/08/2017 11:22

We have just forked out £200 to mend MIL's iPad that DS(1) dropped and the screen smashed.

We were round at MIL's over the weekend and she gave DS her iPad to play with. We took it off him a couple of times and put it on the side because he wasn't really interested in it and he kept leaving it next to him on the settee and then climbing down and it edging toward the end of the sofa and we didn't want it to drop.

Each time she gave it him back, as in, handed it to him. He dropped it once and luckily it didn't break, at which point I said, 'MIL I really don't want it to get broken, it's very kind but he's alright.' She agreed at put it on the side. DH and I were in the kitchen doing the dishes after dinner whilst MIL was in the front room with DS.

We heard her shout 'DS, no! You silly boy!' Went in and lo and behold, the iPad had smashed after she had given it back to him and he had dropped it. She sulked about it and kept repeating 'he shouldn't have nice things if he can't look after them.' DH told her that it was her own fault for keeping to give it him after we told her not to repeatedly but sent her the money to get it fixed anyway.

Ever since, I keep justifying it in my head thinking it wasn't our responsibility. Granted our child broke it and we would never have not paid but she gave a one year old an iPad to carry, what was she thinking would happen? AIBU? More than open to be told I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
ivenoideawhatimdoing · 30/08/2017 11:54

clem no we didn't. DH gave her an earful and we left the second time she said it.

It was a shame because they had been interacting really well. They aren't close and it seemed like she was making an effort.

We also told her if this ever happens again then she needs to pay for it herself. We go on holiday next weekend and handing it over hurt. A lot. But it wasn't worth the fuss to not pay!

OP posts:
youarenotkiddingme · 30/08/2017 11:54

You only give expensive items to small children if you can afford to fix them!

iPads have rubber cases you can buy to prevent them breaking. For the exact reason they break easily if knocked or dropped.

I also think you were very generous to have paid for it - especially all of it.

PeaFaceMcgee · 30/08/2017 11:54

How will you protect your son from his abusive relative going forward, OP? Sounds like she almost wanted him to drop it...

PeaFaceMcgee · 30/08/2017 11:55

... set him up for a fall.

MiddleClassProblem · 30/08/2017 11:55

She's an idiot. But you've paid now so it is what it is. Just tell her next time that he isn't interested if she is dumb enough to try it again.

Maybe use the time she was taking to trust the iPad at him to teach her a sign and make her less of a twat. At least DH called her out on it though and isn't one of those ppl you hear about on here who always sides with IL.

Original poster
ivenoideawhatimdoing · 30/08/2017 11:56

No it definitely wasn't broken, BIL bought it her at Christmas so it was relatively new and it had a huge crack down the middle, in fairness at his feet.

She wouldn't have lied, DH is too soft. If she had told him it was broken he would have replaced it and she knows this. He won't do it again after how she treated DS though.

OP posts:
stella23 · 30/08/2017 11:57

My mums a bit like this with her I pad, she wants the childrnen to play with it so they have fun at her house, but yet really it's an adult equipment that cost a lot of money, and they are only little so really have no sense of money.

I've made it clear I'm not paying if they get broken

stella23 · 30/08/2017 11:58

Also download her a sign language app

Kez100 · 30/08/2017 12:00

No, she needs to learn!

livefornaps · 30/08/2017 12:03

Doesn't sound like she likes your little boy much - who says that to a one year old?! Also cannot believe she has accepted two hundred pounds off a young family when they are about to go on holiday. Beggars belief.

MrsEricBana · 30/08/2017 12:09

Poor little boy, I really feel for him and you. Don't leave her alone with him again so this sort of thing can't happen to you all.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 30/08/2017 12:11

We heard her shout 'DS, no! You silly boy!' Went in and lo and behold, the iPad had smashed after she had given it back to him and he had dropped it. She sulked about it and kept repeating 'he shouldn't have nice things if he can't look after them.' DH told her that it was her own fault for keeping to give it him after we told her not to repeatedly but sent her the money to get it fixed anyway.

He's only one and she kept offering it to him when he had already rejected it, then she sulks when it breaks, so you cough up £200, wow.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/08/2017 12:12

She's not that skint if she's got an iPad... unless you bought it for her.

She's bloody daft to give it to a one year old...he'll have been putting it in his mouth as well as dropping it, what would she have done if it had got wet and she hadn't noticed it not working until after you'd gone?

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/08/2017 12:12

Sorry, just noticed BIL bought it for her.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 30/08/2017 12:16

of course it's not your responsibility, he's 1 and you told her not to give it to him and took it off him, repeatedly, she is also a mother so presumably knows that 1 year olds drop things and don't understand words like delicate and expensive.

GeekyWombat · 30/08/2017 12:18

I wouldn't have paid, but then if that was my MIL she'd have said 'that's what home insurance is for' if she was daft enough to give it to him in the first place

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 30/08/2017 12:19

It was nice of you to pay for it, but you shouldn't have had to as you had asked her not to give it to him.

Why can't she claim on her house insurance anyway? My insurance only has a £25 excess for damage to personal possessions and I got a new laptop after DD (when 3yo) knocked a glass of squash into it.

Ttbb · 30/08/2017 12:20

She was at fault.

Original poster
ivenoideawhatimdoing · 30/08/2017 12:22

Thank you for all your responses.

MIL is very, very selfish, she always has been. But DH loves her and has spent his whole life trying to please her, however, since DS's birth his tolerance and understanding is becoming shorter and shorter.

This was our first visit in a month and will be for a while.

She has an array of sign language paraphernalia. We bought DVD's and books, found apps, both free and bought, offered to pay for classes etc. She claims she practices most nights in bed but we're yet to see the benefits. DH has told her repeatedly but there's little we can do.

We are very limited contact but if this continues I can truly see us going little/none. DS and I especially.

OP posts:
PollyFlint · 30/08/2017 12:23

Trying quite hard to get my head round the mindset of someone who hands a baby an iPad and is then surprised when he drops it.

You shouldn't have had to pay for it. You told her more than once not to give it to him and you told her why. She ignored you. It's her problem.

If she'd brought it with her and your child had yanked it out of her handbag when nobody was looking, that might be different, but she was warned that he shouldn't have it and she chose not to listen to you.

Nikephorus · 30/08/2017 12:28

DS is completely deaf and in the 18 months he has been alive, she has not bothered to learn a single sign.
Shock
And YANBU on the ipad - she handed it to him after you'd put it one side and said you didn't want it to get broken. I think she's old enough to learn that actions have consequences!!

redexpat · 30/08/2017 12:30

I think a rubbercase with big handles and a screen protector should be her xmas present.

dustarr73 · 30/08/2017 12:33

I think she dropped, hence the big shouting to get your are.
Did you ask him did he drop I.

Iwantamarshmallow · 30/08/2017 12:38

usually I would always pay for something dc had broken but in this circumstance you actually told her not to give it to him encase he broke it .. I would not have paid in this instance

NikiBabe · 30/08/2017 12:43

I dont think you should have paid as she let him play with it therefore on her own head be it.

I am in the opposite scenario. My nephew always wants my phone and my tablet etc etc. I say no. his mother encourages me to give it to him and I say no. He will try and take my phone from me and lean over me and press the buttons and say let my play with it. I take it away and put in my handbag. I recently found it out my handbag when he was there and smashed on the floor. I had to pay £150 to repair that as his mother refused.

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