Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Is this a bit weird?

36 replies

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:24

Forgive me for such a bizarre first thread! Maybe I'm still a bit delicate and overthinking this one. I had breast cancer last year and was treated by the most fabulous oncologist. Professional and kind and I was very grateful. She retired a few months before my treatment ended (about 6 months ago) and I sent her a gift to thank her and she called to say she'd received and wished me well.

I have joined (and paid a lot!) for a v fancy squash membership and notice that she is to be in my very small class for the next 15 weeks. Am I overthinking this or is it a bit too much and maybe I should cancel? What are your thoughts? Technically I'm not under her care anymore but nevertheless she helped to save my life and it might be a bit weird.

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 29/08/2017 23:26

Surely you will both be pleased to see each other then?
She saved your life!!
She will be glad you are enjoying your life!!

Original poster

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:29

Haha when you put it like that! Maybe I put her on a bit of a pedestal but we were never chatty hence why my immediate reaction was to think it was a bit of an intrusion on her privacy! Not quite sure why.

OP posts:

Belindaboom · 29/08/2017 23:30

what a ridiculous thing to say mrscropley.

It's up to you OP - do you find it difficult to think about that time? Is it still raw?

If it is I'd swap class.

If not, she's nice and you just feel it's a bit odd but you're not sure why, don't worry too much about it. I would hate to play squash with any of my consultants but that's just me!

Belindaboom · 29/08/2017 23:31

Cross post - it's no invasion of her privacy, do you feel she's invading yours? I'm assuming not 😊

If you've paid and can't swap just go and see how it is. Enjoy it.

Original poster

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:34

Thanks Belinda. Yes and no, above all I am very grateful and feel lucky that I find myself not too traumatised by it (I had stage 2 BC and saw people with much more horrific cases, so all about perspective I guess).

There is literally a beginner class and a v experienced class so would be money down the drain. I suppose my reservation comes from the fact that she'd be peeved about a patient showing up but no one would be any the wiser (I'm 29 and she must be about 60 tops) because I wouldn't draw attention to it.

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 29/08/2017 23:35

Ridiculous to be pleased see the person who gave you your life back?
Odd response. .

Mrscropley · 29/08/2017 23:38

Surely she will be pleased to see you enjoying your life? How is that ridiculous? Or that you shouldn't go?
Some responses are odd!!

BenLui · 29/08/2017 23:39

I think that you need to separate, in your mind, the person from the job.

She must encounter patients all the time e.g. At church, hobbies, restaurants, as neighbours.

I'd just nod politely and not say anything about it unless she does.

Seren85 · 29/08/2017 23:40

I'm wondering if you're concerned because you knew her in a professional capacity and feel like you will now see her in a capacity where you're more "equal" i.e. both learning a new skill and thinking that might make her uncomfortable? I do think you're over thinking it. If you are comfortable seeing her in a different environment and it doesn't bring back memories you'd rather not bring up then it be fine. I suspect she will be thrilled to see you doing well after your treatment.

Original poster

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:41

BenLui - thanks. Makes perfect sense.

OP posts:

elephantoverthehill · 29/08/2017 23:41

Just go for it and enjoy.

TheStoic · 29/08/2017 23:42

what a ridiculous thing to say

I'm lost...why was that a ridiculous thing to say?

Original poster

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:43

Thanks Seren - that is exactly it I think. I couldn't care less, I'm not one to feel self conscious or give a monkeys about looking daft etc but I would just hate to think I would ruin her private time for her. I don't know any doctors so not sure how they feel about these things. I'm a teacher and it wouldn't bother me but I don't think the roles are particularly comparable.

OP posts:

PeppaPigObsession · 29/08/2017 23:44

Are you sure she'll even remember you? Consultants with lots of patients will probably forget a lot of people particularly if it's been awhile since she treated you.

Zool69 · 29/08/2017 23:45

Belindaboom - what s weird response to mrscropley's post, which there was nothing wrong with.

OP - I don't think there would br an issue from her point of view.

elephantoverthehill · 29/08/2017 23:45

Sorry I meant to add your Oncologist needs a life too! If she shied away from anyone she had ever treated she would probably not make it out the house to buy a pint of milk I do live in quite a smallish community

CremeFresh · 29/08/2017 23:46

Is it that you're worried in case she thinks you're stalking her ?

I would go and not
Mention anything to her , just in case she likes to keep her profession a secret ( I know a couple of docs that don't mention what they do because they get asked to diagnose when off duty)

Original poster

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:46

That's a definite possibility 😳 Like I said, I'm not about to start talking about it with her and would happily pretend I didn't even recognise her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:49

Gah perhaps a little, CremeFresh! I absolutely am not but she has a very unusual Asian name and I would be very surprised if it is not her. I wouldn't feel like this about any other profession I don't think.

OP posts:

Seren85 · 29/08/2017 23:51

I do see where you're coming from. I'm an overthinker so would possibly feel the same. I know it isn't comparable but my DM is fairly well known locally due to her job and went to a Zumba class where some of her previous clients also attended. One of them did ask her if she felt awkward and she was bemused more than anything that they were concerned. Obviously she assured them it was fine!

Belindaboom · 29/08/2017 23:52

My response was that just because someone saved your life doesn't mean you want to play squash with them and will be pleased to see them or vice versa.

Original poster

Justgiveittome · 29/08/2017 23:54

That's nice to know, thanks Seren. What I liked about her was that she didn't have the usual swag of a doctor (I don't mean that rudely, she was utterly fab, as were all the other docs) but I liked that somehow. She was the only one I sent posh chocs to and a card expressing my gratitude so maybe that adds to it. Cringe 😂

OP posts:

2017SoFarSoGood · 30/08/2017 00:00

I'm sure it is fine, so no cringing necessary.

If you want cringy: While I was mid OB/Gyn appointment - mid, as in business end working with me in the stirrups - new doctor asked me where I lived. He whooped with delight when I told him, and invited me to attend his church; said what a delight it would be to introduce me around.

Mid 50's man. Quite lovely. Great reputation. I never went back, nor to his church.

Pollypudding · 30/08/2017 00:03

It sounds like you have both been kind to one another. I am sure that after a lifetime of being a doctor she will be well used to meeting patients in social settings and will probably be very gracious. It may be a little awkward for you at first. I would acknowledge her but not bring up anything about your treatment. Enjoy your new class and hope your health remains fine

Italiangreyhound · 30/08/2017 00:06

Well done for beating that foul disease.

Enjoy your class. Just keep it 'professional' in that you don't talk too much about hospitals etc. She may even become a friend.

Flip

1 2