I had to report her

[hannah1992]

Posting here for traffic really I no ianbu. Bit of back story. I met this woman last year as her son and my daughter are in the same class at school. She randomly started chatting to me and I thought "nice woman". After couple of weeks she invited me round hers for a drink, i assumed coffee or something as it was morning after school. Anyway get to her house and she out a beer in front of me. If was half 9 in the morning. I politely declined and said I would rather have a coffee. So she had coffee as well rather than the beer. I didn't mention it just had coffee and a chat and left. As the months went on I went to her house she came to mine all was fine for a while I didn't notice a drinking pattern or anything until the last 5 months.

Was my birthday in march and I invited her and few other friends round to mine. My dh works away so I had my two kids at home so said friends could bring their kids. There was four of us. Me and two other women shared a bottle of wine so we had probably one glass each. She turned up with a crate of 24 beers. Anyway 1 of my other friends left so was just me her and another friend.

This woman has four children aged from 6-12. She drank all 24 beers before leaving. She was stumbling about all over the place and had to walk her kids home in that state.

Anyway this was a Sunday she left mine about 8pm. The following day she was pulled into school because her youngest had told the teacher about her being drunk the night before. They informed social services who made two visits to her and a visit to speak to the kids at school. Then decided they didn't need to take further action.

I've not had much to do with her since then but Sunday night I saw her outside the local pub with all the kids paraletic and shouting and screaming at some woman. Her two youngest were crying and her older two were trying to drag her home.

My dad works at this pub and he phoned me this morning to tell me that she was there again last night and same was happening and my dad had actually had to make her go home as she wouldn't leave and all the bar staff had refused to serve her anymore. Anyway I have rang social services today. Her kids are nice kids they don't deserve to be watching that and having to drag their mother home because she's too pissed to move herself.

My main question is is what will social services do this time or what are they likely to do? She needs some serious help obviously but what about the kids I'm more bothered about them than her

I think you have don't the right thing OP. The kids will be better off in the long run and it sounds like the mum really does need help and the kids need a better environment to grow up in.

Re: the kids not telling social workers the truth. They probably didn't to protect their mum.

I grew up with an alcoholic father (my mum was there too and didn't drink - they did split up when I was 8 due to his drinking). On the occasions my dad was looking after me on his own he would get drunk and pass out most times but I wouldn't say anything when asked as I didn't want to get him in trouble. He would say don't tell your mum or she won't let me see you again - so I didn't.

Some examples: on the bus one time he passed out and I couldn't wake him. I think we were in our way to see a pantomime. We must have been on that bus for at least 2 hours going round in circles. The driver eventually woke him at the end of his shift as the bus was heading back to them depot. I didn't tell my mum or anyone about that, or the times he forgot to feed me all day when I was at his - he didn't buy much food as all the money went on drink- or he couldn't take me to brownies because he was too drunk etc.

Exactly what Hissy suggests
You absolutely did the right , responsible thing

Hi guys thought I would update you all. So since kids have gone back to school I've had a few sly comments from her if we've walked past each other or she's seen me in the playground. What bothers me the most is I've had to go in to school 3 times since they went back because her youngest is still in my dds class and she's come home and said to me. First time:
Mum what's a slag? I nearly choked on my coffee. Asked her where she'd heard that she said (her son) called me a dirty little slag and I told the teacher and she put him in time out (so he stayed in a playtime) so I know it's bad I just didn't know what he meant.
Safe to say I was mortified.
Second time she said he had said he called her a bitch
Third time he was scaring her and 2 other girls by telling them all about IT the killer clown and how he killed kids and what he did to kill them!
They are 6! One of the other girls mums (were friends) said her dd was petrified and wouldn't go to bed.
The third time I went in I spoke to head teacher and said it's not acceptable for 6 year old to say and know these things and she agreed said she would have a word with his mum.
I honestly don't know whether ss have done anything or stayed involved but I do think something needs to be done because I don't want my dd being exposed to that at all.
So far (past couple of weeks) things have been ok I think. She's not said anything else.
Also my dad said she has been barred from the pub because kids left a load of crap from chippy all over tables and floor couple of weeks ago. She was inside the pub drinking and kids were outside eating chippy (kids aren't aloud in the pub) and left it all everywhere.

Can’t believe she got banned from the pub because her poor children made a mess with some food. Drunk mother in same pub leaving those kids to deal with themselves is not an issue

I know I thought that too. But because she wasn't "drunk" whilst at the pub there wasn't much they could do. It's just very concerning. She has a 9 year old and I saw him the other day riding all over the road on his bike by himself and was almost hit by a car. I feel like ss aren't doing enough at all to protect them because obviously nothing has changed over the past few weeks

You did the right thing. My mum used to 'self medicate' with 4 liters of strong cider every single day when I was a child.
One day we went to visit my Nan (my mother's mum) and whilst there my mum got a small whiskey bottle out and drank it all.
This was on top of a couple of liters of cider.
My Nan kicked her out and told me I could stay overnight. But my brother was in school and I had to make sure he was OK.
A taxi was called (we would normally use the bus), but she was very nasty to the taxi driver. Kept kicking his seat.
But he took us all the way home (45 min trip), because he was worried for MY safety.
But this was in the early 80s and no one would think of calling the police or SS.
We just had to live with it .

As someone who grew up with a parent who was a functioning alchoholic I would say report.
My mother would drink and then turn very nasty. I mean she was nasty when not drunk as well and would beat us etc but as a teenager it was awful having to constantly walk on eggshells as you didn’t know when she started drinking if she would just pass out or becoming nasty, she would often wake us up in the night to have a go at us about something,
Even if she is not physically abusive there will be a layer of beniegn neglect, she will be too drunk to make sure the kids go to bed washed and brushed and at a reasonable hour and probably too hungover to ensure they have a decent breakfast and get to school on time.
Rhodes kids do not have a voice, they will not have any idea of how to get help so it is up to the responsible adults who see this happening to speak up for them.

Keep detailed records of the events: dates, times, what you saw, what you were told.
Keep reporting to social services with the records.
The records will also help if she or her children start to harrass you.
You are doing the right thing.

You are doing the right thing so lets hope SS do something soon. At the end of the day the kids are the most important thing and they are reliant on people like you reporting their mothers behavior so don't for one second feel bad.

I see her kids a lot in the street when going to the shop or whatever and they don't talk to me or say anything it's her youngest that's saying awful things to my dd and her friends. How do you explain what IT the killer clown is to a 6 year old? He shouldn't know or be watching that.

I rang ss earlier to tell them what he had called my dd but they didn't seem interested really. Just said well kids do hear things and don't understand what they mean and repeat it. I know this my dd has said things in the past she's heard but we explain why it's not nice to say and now she knows there are words that children shouldn't say and they are not nice words. I also mentioned the film and they said well it's illegal for children to watch at the cinema and buy dvds etc of adult nature but whether a parent decides to allow them to watch it at home is up to them

The Pub Syaff should have contacted either the Police or SS, they have failed those children.

Part of your licensing conditions mean that you have to have your own Safeguarding policies, as well as abiding by the LA's.

I was a CP SW, we have had to send the Police to clarify with Pubs and Security Staff in Supermarkets what their duties are.

You don't live in the close knit village that you think you do, it sounds more busy-body.

The school should be acting on the offensive language and the child being exposed to horror films, it comes under abuse. They may be doing that, but if not, you can also report that.

Who did you phone and they said it's up to a Parent what a child watches?

It could be that there is going to be a follow up and that's why they've fobbed you off.

I phoned the local ss. Apparently it's up to parents what they allow their children to watch at home. I didn't know that either, I would say it's extremely irresponsible.

The school said they had kept him in at playtime when he called my dd a slag but my dd said the teacher didn't hear him call her a bitch and when I said about that to the head teacher she said well if the teacher doesn't hear it hey don't know whether it's been said or not so they can't really act on it. I don't know what was done about the horror film. My dh said he might have heard it off his older brother and not actually watched it himself but his older brother is 12 so he shouldn't be watching it either

It’s possible SS are still involved; as it’s all confidential you wouldn’t know about it. They have reviews every 3 months whilst a child is under a Child Protection Plan.

I am surprised that SS didn’t take an interest in a child watching an adult DVD at home, it’s certainly very irresponsible.

heh. my mother and stepfather spent weekends getting shitfaced and watching banned videos that they got under the counter at th video shop.

my ‘treat’ was to watch these things on a sunday morning. it was the only time my mother spent time with me/

so from about 7 or 8 i watched Driller Killer, the uncut original Evil Dead, the Halloween movies, anything really.

oh! and I Spit on Your Grave and The Hills Have Eyes.

i’m an adult now, and i am fucked up beyond help.

please keep reporting the serious stuff, but i don’t know why you rang SS to give them playground gossip.

It wasn't playground gossip it was vulgar language coming from a 6 year old.
Why would a 6 year old be calling a girl a dirty little slag?
I was also friends with this woman for some time so I know how her kids behave and they all swear and use horrible words a lot and they never get disciplined for it.