Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I had to report her

66 replies

hannah1992 · 29/08/2017 19:35

Posting here for traffic really I no ianbu. Bit of back story. I met this woman last year as her son and my daughter are in the same class at school. She randomly started chatting to me and I thought "nice woman". After couple of weeks she invited me round hers for a drink, i assumed coffee or something as it was morning after school. Anyway get to her house and she out a beer in front of me. If was half 9 in the morning. I politely declined and said I would rather have a coffee. So she had coffee as well rather than the beer. I didn't mention it just had coffee and a chat and left. As the months went on I went to her house she came to mine all was fine for a while I didn't notice a drinking pattern or anything until the last 5 months.

Was my birthday in march and I invited her and few other friends round to mine. My dh works away so I had my two kids at home so said friends could bring their kids. There was four of us. Me and two other women shared a bottle of wine so we had probably one glass each. She turned up with a crate of 24 beers. Anyway 1 of my other friends left so was just me her and another friend.

This woman has four children aged from 6-12. She drank all 24 beers before leaving. She was stumbling about all over the place and had to walk her kids home in that state.

Anyway this was a Sunday she left mine about 8pm. The following day she was pulled into school because her youngest had told the teacher about her being drunk the night before. They informed social services who made two visits to her and a visit to speak to the kids at school. Then decided they didn't need to take further action.

I've not had much to do with her since then but Sunday night I saw her outside the local pub with all the kids paraletic and shouting and screaming at some woman. Her two youngest were crying and her older two were trying to drag her home.

My dad works at this pub and he phoned me this morning to tell me that she was there again last night and same was happening and my dad had actually had to make her go home as she wouldn't leave and all the bar staff had refused to serve her anymore. Anyway I have rang social services today. Her kids are nice kids they don't deserve to be watching that and having to drag their mother home because she's too pissed to move herself.

My main question is is what will social services do this time or what are they likely to do? She needs some serious help obviously but what about the kids I'm more bothered about them than her

OP posts:
itusedtobeverydifferent · 29/08/2017 21:19

This is so sad. I hope she gets the help she desperately needs. You did absolutely the right thing.

Original poster
hannah1992 · 29/08/2017 21:20

She drank 24 cans of carling. Not sure on the percentage cause I don't drink it but she definetly did because she was putting the empty cans back in the box and she moaned at me for not having room in the fridge for them all. But no she definetly drank all of them. I couldn't believe it myself tbh. She could barely walk when she left mine. She was falling all over and her two older boys were propping her up to walk (in a fashion). I've told my dad he needs to call police if it happens again

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 29/08/2017 21:25

You did the right thing here. Those poor kids Sad.

Lovemusic33 · 29/08/2017 21:34

She will be offered help, sadly sometimes people don't except that help and worst case scenario would be the kids are removed. The fact that she has already had social services involved and things have not really improved will not look good, she will only get so many chances ( which won't be many if they feel the kids are at risk). You did the right thing OP as the children should not have to deal with their mum being drunk.

trappedinsuburbia · 29/08/2017 21:41

You've done the right thing.
I went through a bad drinking phase for a couple of months after a relationship breakdown, I was a disgrace, I don't know how I managed to get to work and feed ds, but I sure could have done with a fright to make me stop sooner.
I still feel horrendously guilty over ds he was about 6 at the time and seen things he shouldn't have.

crazyhairdontcare · 29/08/2017 21:41

You absolutely did the right thing, no question. Your dad or anyone at the pub must call the police if anything like that happens again, which sounds likely.
The police will conduct a welfare check there and then, and if they find her drunk in charge of the little ones SS will remove them temporarily until it is deemed safe for them to return.
Safeguarding is everyone's business.

susurration · 29/08/2017 21:45

coveredinfondant my father is an alcoholic. When I was a child and teenager I regularly witnessed him drink entire 24 crate of Fosters/Carlsberg a night. Often he would buy two crates (48 cans) and drink it over fri evening-sun evening.

OP well done for calling SS, those kids need help. Your Dad or even you if you're witnessing that kind of behaviour could also call the police next time, a paper trail will help.

Bluelonerose · 29/08/2017 22:03

I think you've done the right thing she obviously needs some help.
She probably needs a friend too someone who isn't going to judge her and support her. From what you've said she doesn't have much

Original poster
hannah1992 · 30/08/2017 06:24

She doesn't have much at all. I'm hoping that she does get help. i have said to her before when she asked me why I don't drink when we're out, like at family nights and such and I said because one I have to get my children home and two if (touch wood it wouldn't) but if anything were to happen and accident or whatever I would need to be alert and capable of dealing with it. I'd hate to think if one of her kids was hurt or something and she was so drunk that she couldn't handle the situation or what paramedics think. I only have a glass of wine when the kids are about and that's rare I don't really drink

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 30/08/2017 06:36

OP you did the right thing. It's not an easy choice, I've had to do it myself recently (rapid descent into severe cocaine abuse resulting in kids being at risk), and it's a horrible and sickening feeling.

Original poster
hannah1992 · 30/08/2017 19:07

Ok well social acted very quickly. So I've just had a text off the woman but somebody else must have reported her too because what she said the social worker said to her was nothing of what I said.

She's basically wrote. You two faced bitch, How could you say that I beat my kids and don't feed them.

Now I haven't replied to her, I don't appreciate being called names and she may suspect me of calling them but she won't know for sure (I did it anon) so there no need for that really. But I certainly didn't tell them she beats and doesn't feed her kids so someone else must have called them with other info.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 30/08/2017 19:43

Chances are several people have contacted SS as she doesn't exactly hide the fact that she's drinking around the kids.

I don't understand why some posters feel sorry for her, yes she may have depression and a drink problem but a lot of us go through tough times and we don't neglect our kids, we don't get shit faced in front of them and put them at risk, this woman has already had SS involved and hasn't made changes to improve her life style, she probably understands that she's at risk of the kids being removed.

I know someone who had their children removed due to neglect and substance abuse, at first I felt sorry for her ( she had a bad childhood, she had depression ) but social services gave her so many chances, offered her so much help and she refused all of it, eventually the kids were removed, she didn't even seem that bothered and didn't put up much of a fight to keep them Sad.

JWrecks · 30/08/2017 19:51

You absolutely did the right thing, and I completely agree with PP that your father's input would be valuable to SS. If you can convince him to ring, or possibly make himself available if they want an interview or something - I think he could really help those poor kids.

If you feel like trying to keep the peace with her - which, ehhhhh - you can happily tell her that you have never and would never say such things and not even be lying. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that she sent such texts to several people. And if you don't feel like it, then let her think it was you and she'll likely bugger off for good.

I'm sorry that you had to do that, though. It can't have been fun. You've done the right thing and that's what matters.

Original poster
hannah1992 · 30/08/2017 19:53

It's awful. Well I definetly didn't say that she was beating or not feeding her kids. I just told them about her drinking constantly and it wasn't safe for the kids to be in her care when she is that drunk. Plus the previous involvement. I think others probably have reported her. The village I live in is quite close nit and everyone knows who everyone is etc so anyone could have seen something. Personally I don't know what she does to her kids physically if anything or what she feeds them either

OP posts:
PollyFlint · 30/08/2017 20:51

If she is regularly that drunk, she is almost certainly forgetting to feed her kids on fairly frequent basis, so whoever told SS she doesn't feed them is probably right.

You have absolutely done the right thing. Having spent quite a bit of time when I was younger working in a really grim 'community' pub, I have seen similar situations with my own eyes and it does absolutely need to be dealt with. If she is regularly in this state she is not capable of caring for her children properly and they will already be damaged by what they're witnessing.

Mittens1969 · 30/08/2017 22:32

She definitely won't know for sure that it was you and I really wouldn't engage since she's called you nasty names. She could quite easily get violent with you so I would keep your distance.

It's very likely she has neglected her children and could easily have been beating them. Is it possible the school have said something?

Original poster
hannah1992 · 31/08/2017 11:00

I know she won't know for sure it's me. I did it anon. But I didn't say those things so someone else must have. I don't speak to her very much anymore as I didn't want my own children around it. School in formed them few months back that her youngest who's 6 had gone in and told them that she was drunk the night before and fell asleep on the dining room floor. Social signed her off after 2 visits to her and speaking to the kids. I do suspect though that she probably put in the children's head what to say as I heard her telling her youngest not long after in the playground to keep quiet at school or they would all be in trouble.

I hope to god this time they do something proper this time rather than just signing her off

OP posts:
NotMyPenguin · 01/09/2017 12:52

Can you say something like 'I didn't say those things, but I really hope you will see this as an opportunity to get help with the drinking and I'm here to support you.' ?

That would help to make sure you don't take the blame -- but also show that you do think she could benefit from some help with this, and that it's a problem.

Hope it all works out for your friend. It really sounds like she needs help badly (and so do her poor kids).

PerUnaStubbs · 01/09/2017 13:59

Do you think maybe she's just fishing to see whether it was you who reported her? Ie, hoping you'll say, 'No, no, that must have been someone else - I told them you drank 24 cans of Carling and had to be carried home?'

Poor kids.

Nonibaloni · 01/09/2017 14:09

It's exactly like a pp said, you have given her kids a voice. Too many kids grow up with no one making the call. If she's ranting and raving at home just baby those children can have a little hope that someone cares. Well done op.

UnicornSparkles1 · 01/09/2017 14:32

You did the right thing. I hope SS do something to help.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/09/2017 15:02

If you want to respond you can legitimately say that you have no idea who said that and that it wasn't you. However, I think you are better not engaging, especially as you may end up in a text row with someone who is probably not sober now and has shown themselves to be a stroppy drunk. Its a discussion that will help anything,

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/09/2017 15:03

will not

Hissy · 01/09/2017 15:38

If you don't reply to her, she will assume you have said it all.

I would suggest that you reply and say that you don't know what she is talking about, and that actually if she is going to text you like that, it's best to leave it there because frankly, you don't want to be involved.

Hissy · 01/09/2017 15:39

Other people will have reported her, honestly you have done the right thing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread