Being pregnant making me a shrill bee

[aureliaboredom]

I hate being pregnant. Pregnancy fear and self loathing taken over atm (as a change from just usual brand of self loathing).

I'm happy to be having a baby and we were very lucky to have it happen straight away, I didn't want to start until 9m before a big work project was due to finish so now I'll be going on leave just as that winds down (hopefully). Have friends who have been trying for ages and I know that if it had taken us a while (or hadn't happened) I would have been really sad and I don't mean any disrespect to those who are suffering.

I also know that I'm only 21/22w and there's a lot to happen. So far, everything looks healthy (again, very lucky - I know this).

Loss of control over body. Morning sickness/nausea stopped by 12w (again, lucky) but I resent all the other symptoms – tailbone pain, not being able to take medication for migraines, sleep being affected (or just stress affecting sleep), occasional but v painful leg cramps, constipation, looking more like a blobby fatso and knowing these things will just get much worse as time goes on because I'm in the 'good' bit. And it takes so long (knew I was preg straight away, before the test went pink so it feels a long time already). Terrified about birth and everything after.

Lovely lovely partner is already fed up with my moaning. He is a kind and thoughtful person and how he puts up with me I do not know. He is quite useless when it comes to practical things and we're both a right pair of slobs (at least I know how to clean/do things, even if I resentfully choose not to).

I'm just resentful about how much life, my body is going to change and any example of him being a bit useless/not doing practical things makes me think about how it will be a hundred times worse once the baby is here. It's making me a shrill b*tch and I keep shouting at him, which is not really deserved.

That's the other thing – I have a terrible temper now, what on earth am I going to be like with a kid?

The reality is that I'm just not that nice a person (not looking for sympathy). I'm not the biggest fan of myself and worried about messing up a kid.

Preg Pilates and preg massage both great tips. And self limited morning sessions/moments. All good advice.

Thank you to all for posting helpful kind messages. Has really helped and been a lovely intro to mumsnet (long time reader, first time poster).

Yy to antigrinch's comments Re rejection of feminist notions reflecting in his lack of respect for women. That he would outsource to you and anyone else who he can pay suggests this too... sorry OP. You have handled the painful truth well though and it's positive your eyes are open to this.

Something my friend said was that often men don't become feminists until they have daughters (and we're having a girl!). So I have hope that his views would change.

He has an insane (properly insane) mother who (forgive me for blaming another woman!) sounds like she was a nightmare growing up and his parents had a hideous marriage so i'm frankly surprised it hasn't messed him up more. But she has some pretty retrograde ideas and to the extent that he is normal at all it is in spite of her. And that's not me taking his side and believing him blaming her, that is based on my having had to deal with her crazy antics over last few years (including being nasty and abusive to me). If your mother is your formative experience of women and your mother is a manipulative loon, you're starting off with a bit of a handicap.

He is keen to do NCT classes funnily enough so I'm going to try and funnel that time/money/engagement into counselling sessions, which I think will have much more impact. I don't believe (as he does) that if you are right as a couple that things work out. I think you have to work at it (and sometimes it still doesn't work out ) but there's a lot that you can do...

To all the preg ladies, may you have settled stomachs and cramp free evenings/sleep tonight! Baby currently kicking me quite a lot (only weighs a pound now, imagining that x7! )

I was the same. We REALLY wanted this baby and we tried for 2 years after a miscarriage so when I fell pregnant we were over the moon. And yet, pregnancy was not my bag. Nausea, feeling bloated and huge, heartburn and excruciating rib pain in third trimester made me a mardy cow.
My job is a fast paced one and the fact I felt myself being slower than usual used to drive me crackers too. My partner understood that and put up with my bouts of rages. However, my rage was definitely anxiety related as well as hormonal so I used to see a therapist who I really trust for by-weekly catch ups to get things off my chest and process the fears that fuelled my anger. It helped immensely and my DP was grateful too.

Yoga was another game changer. I was a keen exerciser pre-pregnancy but I was feeling so rubbish I couldn't do my usual high intensity circuits stuff. Katy Appleton on YouTube does the best pregnancy yoga out there and her sets are 10 mins long so I'd always do at least one a day and it used to help with pains and aches and anxiety too.

My DP can be a bit like that in a way that he also needs a kick up the arse when it comes to housework. He'll do it when told but I was done with telling.
Get a cleaner. And get one now. I had my cleaner start when DD was a week old and it saved my sanity. I also regretted not getting her in earlier. When you say that cleaner won't solve everything, I felt the same. However, since, i had her come over for extra hours to do things more ad hoc too. Clearing out the spare room, doing windows, defrosting fridge, helping with decluttering wardrobes etc. She likes extra cash, I love her helping out.
Also DP fears the cleaner for some reason so when I say: You have to tidy up for the cleaner, he does.

One thing I learned about myself was that the cleaner had to prize things out of my hands as I actually thought I had to do it myself even when she was there. I do have overdeveloped sense of responsibility - I'm a project manager by profession, which is not an incident One of the lovely side effects on motherhood on me has been letting go a bit more and accepting support.

Hope this helps

OP I know there are other issues and m you don't like cleaning and completely get the resentment Ud feel at cleaning up after someone so lazy. But do u think part of the stress is living somewhere so chaotic as uv said it is. I hate mess and dh is much like yours. I'd suggest organising a cleaner ready to start then blitzing the house top to bottom before she comes. After you've done these two things if dh leaves anything laying around- dirty pots, shirts anything put them all in a bin bag unwashed and dump it in his car. Keep doing this until he gets the message. Try not to worry about what he'll be like with baby my dh is useless round house and amazing with dc x

I don't hate cleaning, but hate it when I'm the only one doing it! Living in chaos/ mess definitely doesn't help and you judge yourself/ feel stressed when can't find things etc, so getting on top of it is impt. Hopefully I will have a couple weeks mat leave before baby to get organised! Won't have much time until then.

Discovered fun new preg symptom. Being ridiculously hairy. Thought was just the hair on my head that would be lustrous...Barnet looks as rubbish as ever but rest of me looks carpeted!

Just a cautionary word re leaving everything until mat leave... I've done the same. Not massively untidy house but lots that needed doing - back room clearing out for nursery, shelves putting into downstairs cupboards to increase space, wardrobes etc cleaning out. Between PGP and anaemia I'm struggling with my day to day cleaning and ironing and am definitely not able to take on additional tasks. I've also been told to rest as whenever I do something active, mild contractions start. I really wish I hadn't left everything to the end as starting to get stressed about all the things I wanted to do and can't!