Another Baby?

[ThunderR0ad78]

I have two children, DD 10 and DS 8 - both nearly 11 and 9 - going in to Yr 6 & 4.

Always felt that two was my lot - felt done!!!

I am 39, DH is 45, both work full time. Recently I have been considering a 3rd.....not sure why, am very surprised by this, wondering if it's related to my age, in that I'm approaching the age whereby my time is running out!!

We are financially secure, no concerns regarding this aspect, just wondering if I'm crazy......haven't broached subject with H, think he would laugh out loud initially thinking it was a big joke, no idea what he would say if I pressed on

Anyone one else been here, what did you decide - posting here for traffic!!!

I think many women get the urge to have one more as they get older. There's no right or wrong but I guess it's what suits you and your family. Talk to DH and see what he says.

We have 3 and decided to try for 1 last baby.

Fast forward a few months and I'm pregnant with twins! Just something to keep in mind

Twins 😮 - imagine!!!

Have the boys name sorted, what is wrong with me 😃!!

Ours wasn't exactly a decision (more one hell of a shock ). But we have ds1 9, ds2 7 and ds3, 3 months.

In terms of the age gap op, it's fabulous. The older dc are old enough to enjoy him, they were excited about a new baby etc. It kind of felt like our baby this time (as in the whole family's iyswim) rather than just dh and me having another.

Practically I'm loving this time. The older two more or less do for themselves now so it's almost like having your first. Compared to when I had ds2 and ds1 was only 2, this is a piece of cake lol.

Well, DH had had a VR when our DDs were 6 and 5, but it took three and a half years for anything to happen, so I was just a fortnight off 39 (DH was 40) when I had DD3. By then DDs 1 and 2 were 10 and 9. Our DDs are now 18, 17 and 8, and we haven't regretted a thing. If you both want it then by all means go for it. I was going through menopause by 42, so it really was my last chance. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I had a very strong temptation for a 3rd at around 40, and even tried for a year or so. No luck. Nothing happened. Now at 50-ish, me and DH have our kids left home, the house to ourselves, no money worries, no school run, no school gate mafia, holidays for 2, netflix nights in, long day trips out, romantic long weekends to Paris and Rome, meals out as a couple, and the world at our feet.

I am so glad now that we DIDN'T have a third. He/she would only be 8-10 and would probably be at home for another decade minimum. We'd be pensioners by then!

If you have already had 2, who are near to senior school age now, I would definitely not have another.

And it will melt your heart seeing your big ones with the little one.

My older two get along well half the time and argue and fight the other half. Seeing them being so consistently gentle and loving towards ds3 is lovely.

Yes the age gap does worry me. I worry the the 3rd will feel separate to my other two who are so close in age and that it will feel disjointed.....

Also wondering if the novelty will wear off once the reality of nappies, bottles, car seats hitting my legs, buggies, and coloured plastic loud toys are back in my life!! Obviously I would never regret once baby here, but do I really want that now that my two are so self sufficient?

Currently on holiday in the Algarve, on a sun bed - haven't seen kids since breakfast, off with their friends, do I really want to go back again? Sorry genuinely not a stealth boast, just very confused as to why I'm contemplating this!

Oh god, my hormones are trying to do this to me, too. I don't want another baby. I don't want to lose the freedom we are beginning to see in the future (kids are 3 and 5). Youngest has just left the nappies behind. Life is slowly getting easier. Another baby would be a terrible idea! But, my ovaries keep whispering in my ears...

Oh, and am forty next month. Am sure that's entirely unrelated.

I wouldn't- your kids won't thank you when their teenage years and important exams are disturbed by a baby/small child and all that entails.

Also the risk of having a child with a disability or deformity is much higher at your age and again, that would be hideously unfair for your existing children.

I harassed dh relentless for the 3rd! He gave in to shut me up I'm sure, but we came to conclusion I wanted one a lot more than her didn't! I'm so glad we did I was in the mind frame that I desperately wanted a 3rd and nothing would change it!

I had my last DS late 30's after a big age gap due to feeling like you. Obviously wouldn't change things now but I do think what User said is very sensible and is worth thinking about. You're over the hard bit too in the way of small children but have the teenage years soon to contend with which bring a whole new set of worries!

For me, definite no.

• Drags the lifestyle limitations of parenting young kids out way too long.
• You could have 2 going through puberty and one with the terrible twos at the same time
• There's no guarantee the older two will be interested in the younger one. Dh has a brother 13 years younger. They only became friends as adults. The youngest slightly resents the fact that the other 3 (18 mo/18 mo gap) are much closer, and have a lot more shared memories/ experiences/friends.
• Because of the age gap you're effectively having an only child so you'll either end up having a 4th or you'll have to do a lot more entertaining that you did with the other two
• Do you really want to spend two more years watching a toddler like a hawk?
• No sun lounger time for another 4 years! You're 2/3 years away from having holidays with kids who for holiday planning purposes are basically adults. That's a pretty cool thing.
• You're 2 years from not needing childcare which is money you can put into your pension or whatever. You say you're financially secure but I'm assuming you don't mean money's no object.

sally bet that was a fun scan, so wonderful though, congratulations

I feel I'll be in this situation, I have a 7 year old and an almost 4 year old now. I would have had a third already but youngest has some special needs and is under assessment for autism so it's been a really difficult time and I really wouldn't have coped with a third right now.
I am beginning a degree in September which will last 3 years and then I want to work for a couple of years too in my new career so by then the age gap will be a farely big one. I am happy with my two but I do feel like I want another one or even two but the age gap scares me, y'know starting allover again kind of thing.

Op certainly discuss it with your dp and see how he feels, or may be just a passing phase of broodiness but you certainly don't want to regret not having broached the subject.

I imagine it to be very much like flanders (congratulations) situation which does sound lovely indeed

Not for me. Last ones about to start school. I'm looking forward to a few more me centred activities, days out without buggy and nap planning, even just going to cinema as a family

@ThunderR0ad78

You are contemplating it, because it's natural and normal to feel as you do at almost 40. You are nearing the end of your fertile years (sorry if that sounds rude!!!) and your mind and hormones are raging for another child 'before it's too late!!!'

However, as I said, and a poster above me (cantseethewoods) said too, I would not do it. And from your last post, you sound doubtful anyway.

Good luck, but I wouldn't do it. For all the reasons me and cantseethewoods gave, and the fact you sound content as you are no, and the fact you sound doubtful now.

(And no, you don't sound like you're boasting.)

You sound content as you are NOW (not no!)

One couple among our friendship group had a 'late baby' like you're contemplating. The early months seemed to go reasonably smoothly but once the child reached toddler stage and beyond, the age gap was very noticeable. The rest of us all had kids between about 8-12, so doing family weekend things as a group became tricky for them. (Their other kids were 8 and 10 when their baby arrived) And now as a group our kids are in their twenties, and this couple have a 12 year old so they're just starting the whole secondary school thing again... honestly it would finish me off I think!

Of course they love their child dearly and don't regret having him, but their lives are very different because of the age gap and it definitely restricts what they can do.

Having said that, we had 3!! But we had them all close together so went through each phase together.

I'm sure whatever you decide will work out fine, but it's not a bad idea to consider the impact it will have longer term. It's very easy to just think about the first year or so and having a baby around but it's probably the following 17 years which will be more tricky

I did it. I had my 3rd at 39, He is now 9months and his brothers are 7 and 10. They dote on him, its great they help loads and can entertain sort themselves out when I need them too. I am also enjoying the baby stage so much as I am savouring every bit. My husband would love a 4th but I don't think I can do another.

Btw OP i agree that you sound very content as things are now, but actually if you decide to go for no.3, that's the best position to make the decision from

As a teacher I've seen many women go for a 'bonus' baby once their older ones are quite a few years older and more independent , and sadly it's often to fill a gap in their own life- they need to feel needed, or at staving off getting back into the world of work. Surely the only good reason for having another is precisely because you are very happy with your life as it is, so it's not about filling a gap, it's about having a great life but wanting to have an equally great life in another direction iyswim

I did it. I had my 3rd at 39, He is now 9months and his brothers are 7 and 10. They dote on him, its great they help loads and can entertain sort themselves out when I need them too. I am also enjoying the baby stage so much as I am savouring every bit. My husband would love a 4th but I don't think I can do another.

@sunnybunnydownunder

I am glad you're happy, and I know you love all your kids, but your little baby is still only 9 months old. So you can't judge how you're going to feel at 50, when you have had a baby/ toddler/infant/junior around you for a decade, along with the other 2 kids who will be teenagers/youths (with all the problems THAT brings!) And you will still have roughly another decade before your baby - who is 9 months old now - will even think about leaving.

You're 40 now, and your baby will still be in junior school when you're in your 50's. Most of the other mums will be in their 20's and early to mid 30's when your youngest son is at junior school, and it will be very noticeable. In addition, you will be knocking the door of your pension years by the time he is at college.

Also, your kids who are 8 and 10 now won't be remotely interested in playing with and occupying your baby when he is older, (say, 4-8 y.o. when he will NEED entertaining and will be very active,) as they will be teenagers getting on with their own lives/meeting new friends/taking up new hobbies/dating girls/taking exams etc... As someone said above, they had 2 kids with a decade or so age gap and they never really had much to do with each other until fully into adulthood.

So having a baby at 40-ish and assuming your older kids will be there 'to help out' is not a good idea at all. Your 2 older boys may 'dote' on your baby at the moment, but they won't always be bothered with him, or be available to 'help you loads.'

I would take heed of what @BabbityWabbit says above ^ if I were you @ThunderR0ad78.

Ahh thanks all for the replies! Very helpful....

Yes I have given some thought to the fact that I am older and the added risks this brings.....I must say this does worry me!

To be honest a few posters have pointed out that I should look beyond the initial cute baby stage, and the impact on my older two during important stages, exams etc! Technically if I was to go ahead I would have one finishing sec school and one starting in reception ! Scary to think I will be needed for school drops etc for another 10 -11 years 😮

Like I said we are financially secure but of course we both work full time so it's not as if we are multi millionaires! The chances are if I was to have a 3rd I would want to work part time at the very most so this would add pressure to my husbands need to earn.

I think it's probably just last minute nerves, and perhaps if I really wanted a 3rd he/she would already be 6 or 7 by now!

Will continue to ponder but think it's most probably not going to happen! Thanks all x

Most of the other mums will be in their 20's and early to mid 30's when your youngest son is at junior school, and it will be very noticeable.

To pick just one thing out of your generally pretty horrible post: given that the average age of a first baby in the UK is 28 then actually, no, the average junior school child doesn't have a mother in their 20s or early 30s.

user1497435493 Ouch. Be kind.