Another Baby?

[ThunderR0ad78]

I have two children, DD 10 and DS 8 - both nearly 11 and 9 - going in to Yr 6 & 4.

Always felt that two was my lot - felt done!!!

I am 39, DH is 45, both work full time. Recently I have been considering a 3rd.....not sure why, am very surprised by this, wondering if it's related to my age, in that I'm approaching the age whereby my time is running out!!

We are financially secure, no concerns regarding this aspect, just wondering if I'm crazy......haven't broached subject with H, think he would laugh out loud initially thinking it was a big joke, no idea what he would say if I pressed on

Anyone one else been here, what did you decide - posting here for traffic!!!

I wouldn't...I have two both at primary age. I have so much I'm looking forward to doing once they are adults... working in any job I want without worrying about childcare, going out for the evening at a whim without organising a sitter, going on holiday to places that aren't geared towards families, traveling the world. If I had a third, all these things I'm looking forward to would be put back years.

If I were in your position I most definitely wouldn't want to be starting over again. Enjoy the two you've got and maybe take up an extra hobby. Lol

user149
You are either very young or very ignorant.
Perhaps both?

User I worked in a school in a very affluent area all mums collecting kids were 40/45 when kids were reception age-had great career before baby and chose to conceive later. Slightly older mums are the norm I think Especially in some areas. Also I'm sure the mum of the 9mo will get through without the help of her kids without suddenly hating her baby when he's 4-8 yo!!! She was pointing out some of the positives of the age gap not listing the 3rd parent!!!

Obviously I am 39 now so was 29 when my daughter was born. From experience I am definitely one of the younger mum's in my Daughters class, most are at least 3-5years older than me - we are in Surrey if that matters!

I don't think being 44 and a mum to a child in reception is a problem at all, more the different life stages of my older two and whether family life will be somewhat disjointed between the older ones and the "baby" and whether this would affect our unit!

I'm going to spend a few days remembering the tough sleepless nights that are a distant memory! Getting up at 10am each morning here on hols.....

You're not too old to have a baby at all. Personally, I think the issue is more the stage of life you're at with your existing children.

I wouldn't personally. I'm about to pack DC2 off to high school and am relishing no more school runs. We're already enjoying not having to get a babysitter every time we leave the house and that soon we can go out for whole days or evenings It would also affect the kind of holidays and days out we could do as a family.

I would also be worried about losing friends. Most of my circle have kids similar ages to mine. Would they really be so interested in someone with a baby in tow?? I'm sure they wouldn't be too interested in discussions on nappies and feeding It would also be harder to join in the outings with other families like we do atm. Yes, you could make new friends at groups but they will almost certainly be first timers.

Not trying to be negative, just more things to consider.....

I'm sorry to say I agree with a lot of the nay sayers. I say this as someone with similar age children 8 and 9 and one of 6. I posted yesterday that I'm finding it very painful that my DC are growing up and part of me thinks a baby will help with the pain but it isn't the baby that I want - I want to rerun it all again and I know a baby isn't going to help in reality. My husband says it is unfair to the other children and the potential new addition to have a baby to distract myself and occupy myself when I should focus on doing something career or hobby wise instead.

I'm the youngest of four, 14 years younger than the eldest. I started school at the same time my brother went off to uni. I remember good and bad things about my elder two siblings (12 and 14 years older than me respectively, with a sister 2 years older than me also).

My older brother having fun swinging us over the stairs (we liked it!). My older sister adoring us as toddlers. My older sister getting very narky looking after me once when she was 18, I was about 6. Both of them being infrequent visitors to the house through the uni years etc.

I'm barely in touch with the older two now, even though I live closer to my brother than any other member of my family (10m drive). I would say it was more like young aunts/uncles or cousins than proper sibling relationships.

In almost entire seriousness, how about a puppy or kitten? My MIL's greyhound is essentially the daughter she never had (I'm not girly enough), and they got her when her youngest was 12. You'll get to do the nurturing thing but without the full impact of a baby.

Thecatsthecats

That's hilarious 😂 thank you for your comments. We have a Labrador and am seriously done with dog hair! No more.....

Thanks for your perspective though, interesting to hear the impact of such a big age gap! I think I'll be sticking to two! 😬

There is 2 years between me and my closest DB and 7 between the next and I can honestly say when he was born and I was 7, I was so excited by a little brother. When I was 12 and he was 5, he was so much fun for me to come home to after school and play with. When I was 18 and he was 11, he was going into secondary school and would ask me for advice and help and was growing up so was easy to talk to. Now I am 24 and he is 17, we are very close and he's very chatty and mature so we get on well. If anything I get on with him better than my sibling who is closer in age, because we were so close in age it would sometimes cause a dispute! I loved the age gap between me and my DB and am thinking about an age gap of this size between my two also now!

Also my parents had me at 28 and DB at 35. They are now 52 and say having my brother at such a young age keeps them young!

Hi OP i put a very similar post on to yours just a few months ago as I was coming up to my 40th bday. I had always been content with my 2 DS 13 and dd 10 and my life is very full with a part time job as well as their school and hobby commitments. Plus I have elderly parents and I am the nearest sibling to them so I am helping them out more and more as my DM is quite ill. I think if I had gone for another baby a few years ago we would have had 3 but at the time I was changing job so it didnt feel right. After I had settled myself down and made up my mind not to go for it again (DH was up for it but we really aren't financially secure and would be better both working) then both my Sis and Sister in law are both expecting soon so I am going to be an auntie and my 2 are delighted to have new babies in the family. eWe will get to see them loads. The kids do still mention it still from time to time DS just said to me the other day could he have another brother or sister and that is what tugs at my heart strings but in my mind the practicalities of caring for them in their teenage years plus my parents has to come first. I think the big age gap can be both a good and a bad thing and I know plenty of people who have made it work. All the best with whatever you decide xxxx

I have teenagers. My friend dropped by recently with her 2 year old grandson. He is gorgeous and well behaved. They stayed 30 minutes. Fucking hell i was knackered when they went. I realised my house is not child-proof anymore, I have twigs and candles everywhere, locks on the bathroom door again, 2 day old dog poo in the garden etc.

When they left I sat down for an hour, with a cuppa conveniently next to me on the the table just MNing

Purplesky- you've explained the feeling brilliantly!

I'm sure it's quite normal when your children are getting older and a bit more independent, and when you know you're approaching the final chance fertility-wise, to feel wistful about it all. It's almost as if you want to experience all the excitement of having a first baby again but feeling you'll know how to do it 'properly' this time, and will savour every moment and not worry about all the little things.

However, as you say, it's more a case of wanting to hypothetically re run it again rather than actually bring another person into the family.

If it's any consolation OP, you might find you'd get these feelings no matter how many children you have. When mine were about 10,8 and 6 I had a sudden pang, wondering what it would be like to have one more and imagining how easy it would be with the older ones all in school. Then I pulled myself together!

Of course the reality is sleepless nights, dragging buggies and changing bags round whenever you set foot out the house and of course all the worries that come with every phase of parenting. Obviously lots of lovely things too, but I think once we're a few years away from the baby years it's so easy to romanticise it all, when the reality is that a lot of it is hard grind.

I'm sure most mums identify with this feeling though.

I had my third baby when I was 40. My two sons were 18 and 15 when dd was born and they absolutely doted on her. Dh and I had said over the years that if we had an unplanned pregnancy it would not be the end of the world and when younger ds was 14 I had a late period and although I wasn't pregnant it did give us pause for thought as we both decided that we wanted another child.

We decided that I would try to get pregnant for 18 months and if if it didn't happen we would carry on as we were. I was pregnant within three months of trying and dd is now 25 with her own baby. We have never had any regrets and I believe having a child at 40 has kept us young.