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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell the neighbour kid to fuck off

54 replies

HerRoyalFattyness · 29/08/2017 11:34

Disclaimer for those who need it: I wouldn't actually tell a kid to fuck off

Today I am ill. I woke this morning and was sick. A lot. It hasn't passed. So I've phoned work to tell them I'm sick.
All good.
The kids dad decides to take the kids out for a bit so I can sleep.
My oldest is 8. His friend from over the road saw them leaving.
4 fucking times in the last hour and a half this child has knocked on my bastard door, meaning I can't sleep.
I've told him repeatedly that DS1 will be out once he's home and that I will get him to call for him.
Argh! As I'm typing, he's knocked again.

WIBU to yell out of my bedroom window "fuck off, I'm not well and want to sleep, go find some other poor sod to bug"

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 29/08/2017 12:13

DS1 has gone out.

I am well aware this kid and his grandad need support.
I am well aware he has been abandoned by his mother and doesn't like feeling alone.
I understand all that and am already doing everything I can to help.

But for fucks sake is it so wrong of me to want a couple of hours sleep when I'm not bloody well?

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 29/08/2017 12:14

storm I'm not going to contact 101 because of a 9 year old kid wanting to play.
I came here to rant, so that I don't actually end up telling the kid to do one. That's the last thing he needs.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 29/08/2017 12:14

Not wrong of you at all.
But getting pissed off with the poor abandoned kid isn't going to do anyone any good either.
It sucks. Poor boy.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 29/08/2017 12:15

onalong I know. which is why I came here. Read my last post. I am not going to take it out on the child so I came to rant.

OP posts:
Parrish · 29/08/2017 12:16

Of course not. You seem a lovely neighbour to look out for this family.

becotide · 29/08/2017 12:18

I know.I get it. Mumsnet gets my worst self so that my kids/stepkids/visiting kids/dogs/rabbits/spiders get the better me.

When you feel better, have a think about visiting Grandad again and having a good long conversation with him, about how children have needs. His wife may well have done all the childcare, he may be ailing himself. This kid clearly needs more input, of every kind (company, discipline etc)

Inertia · 29/08/2017 12:18

Very sensible to rant here- I understand why you feel narked!

It's fair to suggest that the child does need extra support, but you can't provide that when you're vomiting.

Saucery · 29/08/2017 12:19

Of course you're not taking it out on the boy, any reasonable person can see that. I think you are being very kind to him and I fully understand why you are aaaaargh! at today'ssituation.
Hope you feel better soon

Spudlet · 29/08/2017 12:20

That is just a bit shit all round, isn't it? It's absolutely understandable and perfectly ok for you to feel annoyed at being disturbed when you're ill, but it's also a terribly sad situation for the little boy and his grandad.

Hope you feel better soon.

thatdearoctopus · 29/08/2017 12:23

His difficult background doesn't mean you couldn't have been very clear and firm in telling him your ds was out and to please not knock again this morning.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 29/08/2017 12:28

It is a bit shit all round.
I will try and talk to grandad again at the weekend (when I'm not in work)
And I'll talk to the kid about boundaries. He really doesn't grasp it.
I think it's probably fear of abandonment that causes him to come across as so needy.
He does seem to listen to me. He no longer swears (in front of me) and he knows he has to use his manners when with me. He's also been doing better in school recently. He got very excited, telling DS1 that he and his grandad were going to McDonald's to celebrate his report from school as he had improved so much.
Little things like that make me happy.
Just today, I want to sleep, but now the kids are home, I have a 2 and 3 year old who shout. A lot. And want to look after me...Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 29/08/2017 12:30

octopus I did tell him. But every time he was checking to see if DS1 was home yet, and did I know when he'd be back? And what if I forgot to tell him to call for him?

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 29/08/2017 12:49

Okay, I get it. Bit slow today.
Hope you stop vomiting soon, OP.

Evelynismyspyname · 29/08/2017 12:54

We have a local kid like this - most kids get the social norms of kiddom and a small minority don't.

As you have said you know why your one doesn't due to his somewhat traumatic background and abandonment issues / boarderline neglect. Its perfectly possible to both sympathise and look out for the kid and to find them incredibly exasperating!

You already do a lot to accommodate and look out for him and you are allowed to want a day off from him to sleep when you are ill!

thatdearoctopus · 29/08/2017 12:59

I'm guessing he has some possible learning difficulties perhaps?

Whereismumhiding2 · 29/08/2017 13:05

Note on your door next time, over the knocker.... "Do not knock! I'm ill & trying to sleep"
Rant away, we all know just how you feel. Hope you feel better soon. Go hide under your duvet.

Maelstrop · 29/08/2017 13:14

I'm afraid after time 3 or 4, I would have roared at the child. You're very patient, OP. Do you think it's worth notifying Social Services so they can support the grandad? One presumes the school is aware?

Evelynismyspyname · 29/08/2017 13:20

Thatdear the lad who knocks on our door ten times an hour does yes - no traumatic family background as far as I know (certainly lives with his parents and sibling) but has HFA and related behavioural problems.

As I said it's possible to sympathise and try to understand and make allowances/ encourage the kids to play together, but also to be driven up the wall by it some days at the same time, and know that it's because you are patient and your kids are nice and inclusive that you are chosen to be the ones whose door and ear drums are being worn away :o

ohtheholidays · 29/08/2017 13:43

Bloody hell OP it sounds shit all round for you I hope you feel better soon and I hope your DC settle really easy for you tonight so you can hopefully get a good nights sleep and for what it's worth you sound like you've done loads for the little boy!

thatdearoctopus · 29/08/2017 13:52

Evelyn, SN or not, his parents shouldn't be allowing a situation where he's knocking on your door up to 10 times an hour.

FaceOnOff · 29/08/2017 14:02

Maelstrop and thatdearoctopus RTFT!

  • OP has already contaced SS, they're involved
  • the kid does not live with his parents
FuzzyCustard · 29/08/2017 14:05

Absolutely within your rights to tell the kid where to go. And vomit on him. He's been told what to do and is not taking any notice. You just get ion with getting better and ignore him!

thatdearoctopus · 29/08/2017 14:05

FacaeOnOff, I've RTFT, thank you. I suggest you do the same. I was talking to another poster, called Evelyn, who said she has a lad who does something similar but lives with his parents and sibling.

user1467662525 · 29/08/2017 14:17

PUT A NOTE ON THE DOOR!?
'Please don't knock, as my son is out' . Simples!!

thatdearoctopus · 29/08/2017 14:34

It may be that this little lad won't be able to read that.