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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to hate chit chat? (buses..work etc)

54 replies

FizzyJelJel · 29/08/2017 10:10

I don't know why but lately ill actually get annoyed if I see someone coming near me on the bus if I think they're going to try speak to me. like general nonsense.. similar in work seeing my boss everyday in passing and when she comes in doing the "hello how are you" and a constant repeat conversation .

am I being unreasonable to say / think not everybody wants to just randomly chat? mainly on buses. just leave me the fk alone Grin I must be miserable. or just straight to the point..

OP posts:
Anatidae · 29/08/2017 13:09

Move to Sweden. it's taboo here to engage in chit chat ..,

Fleshy · 29/08/2017 13:29

I'm an introvert. Not shy,, just hate meaningless contrived interactions and being around people drains me. Also have anxiety and if I'm outside I will be trying hard to fend off a panic attack, and trying to concentrate on my audiobook so anyone who sees the headphones and still feels entitled to interrupt my day can fuck right off.

Openup41 · 29/08/2017 13:34

I too cannot abide by colleagues who fake interest in order to pass a job onto you. I see them coming a mile away!

Threenme · 29/08/2017 13:38

whattodoaboutthis I wouldn't say I interrupt people's day and initiate the chit chat! However I am not adverse to it and will happily waffle rubbish if someone wants to! I don't acost people on the street!Grin

hellokitsy · 29/08/2017 13:42

Chit chat is the reason my hair is awful. I have such a loathing of salon chit chat with the hairdresser that I actually never go. An hour or so making small talk? I'd rather look like Worzel Gummich.

People say you can just signal you aren't up for a chat, or say outright that you don't want to chat but then I feel rude saying it and uncomfortable sitting there in silence thinking the hairdresser finds me to be cold and unfriendly.

KeiraH · 29/08/2017 13:51

I can't stand small talk! I just can't do it. I am better now than what I used to be but I still find it so hard. I just don't see the point. I am always polite but the pointless chit chat for the sake of it, I just can't do. I hate it when hairdressers or taxi drivers, do their "from the script... so how was your holiday this year" small talk. I am from Russia, we don't smile at strangers and we don't do small talk with people we don't know. It's actually considered rude and insincere. Just a cultural difference and I got accused of being stuck up a few times, which I am not.

PollyFlint · 29/08/2017 14:17

I'm not a fan of small talk either. I don't mind it at work when it's a colleague I know well and we can pass a few minutes while making a cuppa talking about things we're genuinely interested in, but complete strangers making small talk with me is something I find really difficult. I just prefer to be alone with my thoughts and small talk wears me out; I'm very much an introvert.

Things I have done to avoid small talk include:

  • Changing my working hours slightly so I didn't have to get on the same bus as a colleague every day
  • Changing hairdressers even though I was perfectly happy with the styling, purely because we had exhausted all the potential small talk topics
  • Hiding in toilets or pretending to have to make urgent phone calls at work events during the 30 minutes of 'coffee and networking' time
  • Postponing lunch for ages even when I'm starving so I don't have sit in the kitchen area at work with a chatty person
  • Feigning illness and ordering room service to avoid having to eat dinner with a colleague when attending a conference
supermoon100 · 29/08/2017 14:32

Oh dear all these people being friendly. How dreadfully tiresome. How about living on a remote island so there's no need to interact with the irritating human race

TheLegendOfBeans · 29/08/2017 14:34

So you've never had to conduct a conversation with a complete stranger when you're just not feeling up to it supermoon?

Do you live on a remote island?

Mittens1969 · 29/08/2017 14:37

There are only so many times you can chat about the weather, that's what chit chat really involves. It gets very tiresome after a while.

Nikephorus · 29/08/2017 14:39

How about living on a remote island so there's no need to interact with the irritating human race
If I could find a remote island with internet access (so I can watch NFL & do my online shopping) & a helicopter to drop my supplies off I'd be delighted!

purplecorkheart · 29/08/2017 14:42

I seem to attract people who want to chit chat particularly on trains. Not just general chit chat but really personal stuff.

ChickenBhuna · 29/08/2017 14:44

If I lived on a remote island I wouldn't be able to sit at the window seat of a coffee shop and judge the fashion sense of passers by...one of the few pleasures of living on a big city.

The people can be there , I just don't wanna talk to themWink

TheLegendOfBeans · 29/08/2017 14:55

Having lived on a remote(ish) island, trust me when I say you'd need a BA in Chit Chat to get by.

Laiste · 29/08/2017 15:17

People don't seem to know when to STOP!

I'll smile and exchange a few words with anyone you like - until it's clear one of us have to go and the chit chat has reached it's natural end.
Natural ends:

  • you've put your coat on and are holding young DCs hand in order to go.
  • you've packed your shopping and it's time for the next person to get to the till.
  • you've laughed together about picking up the same item in a shop or whatever, but one of you is now literally backing away.
  • you've said
''anyway must get going''. '' ^aaaanyway i must get off''. ''yes DC we're going right now i know you're hungry - ANYWAY ...''

and still they rabbit on.

I know it's partly my fault for not being assertive, but ultimately it puts me off joining in with small talk.

BackforGood · 29/08/2017 15:29

It's just unforgivably rude to talk to strangers like that

No it isn't. What a ridiculous thing to say.

The OP might not want to engage, you might not want to engage. Clearly, from the replies, there are lots of people who don't want to. However there are equally thousands of people for whom it brightens up the day to chat to someone.

Nobody is wrong for not wanting to chat. Nobody is wrong for wanting to chat. But it isn't rude to be friendly Hmm

Want2beme · 29/08/2017 15:34

I don't mind having a chat if someone starts, but I never start a conversation.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 29/08/2017 15:43

whattodoaboutthis I wouldn't say I interrupt people's day and initiate the chit chat! However I am not adverse to it and will happily waffle rubbish if someone wants to! I don't acost people on the street!

If you start talking to someone on the bus or in a queue then yes, that is interrupting their day.

If you don't start talking random shit to people you don't know I'm not sure why you implied earlier that you do Confused

supermoon100 · 29/08/2017 15:45

Sometimes I don't want to chat but it doesn't take much to be friendly to another human being and perhaps make their day a little better for the brief interaction . It's just a bit mean and scrooge like to dislike talking to others so much - imo!

TabbyM · 29/08/2017 15:52

Actually I quite like talking to random strangers at bus stops though on buses / trains I prefer to sleep/read/stare at trees.

As the person upthread said I hate when it is at work when how was your weekend is a prelude to dumping more work on you.

user1497997754 · 29/08/2017 15:56

Now I am getting older i really don't feel the need to try and make idle talk with people who have no real interest in me and visa versa. I find it hard work and I value my time now...when younger i used to be the life and soul of the party...now you would never get me to one even family ones...no way...I prefer the company of my husband and 2 dogs. Although I am very much aware that should for example my marriage ends I would have to put myself out there and that I should make more of an effort I just really can't be bothered. God I sound a miserable old so and so...but I like my own company doing my own thing so why change what makes you happy.

Sienna333 · 29/08/2017 16:01

I despise small talk, I am not a people person.

SapphireSeptember · 29/08/2017 16:04

I do enough chit chat at work, (It drives me mad, If I hear one more person say it's hot/cold when it's neither I might just scream...) I'm introverted and like being on my own, a lot. When I'm with people I know well I can talk about things properly and get into deep conversation, which is much better, (and then I don't shut up. Grin )

I love London for this reason, no one chats and I can just listen to music in peace. Bliss.

DancesWithOtters · 29/08/2017 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShowPineapple · 29/08/2017 16:28

I hate small talk and chit chat and am cursed with a friendly sort of face that is completely not representative of my actual feelings of wanting to be left the fuck alone. If I consciously try and frown and look unapproachable I get randoms saying "you ok Love?"! Combined with my inability to remember faces I'm never even sure if I know them so feel like I should be vaguely polite. All I actually want to do is ask them nicely wtf they want and why they aren't happy enough entertaining themselves for 5 mins in their own brain that they have to try and rope in mine to keep themselves occupied. Glad to get that off my chest, thanks OP!