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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC's friends parents smoking weed.

38 replies

NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:05

Gah. I hate this, I hate confrontation and I'm having quite a rough time with my MH right now so I may be overthinking.

Basically, we live in a lovely street where all the kids play out, it's not a through road so it's very safe and all the kids are in and out of the houses.

Two of the dads are heavy weed smokers. I mean the type of smoker who literally smokes all day. One smokes outside but the other smokes in his house.

I would really really prefer my dc not to go in the house but of course they do, particularly the teenager (she's very young for her age and is besties with the younger girl of the family).

DD and DS2 (13 and 6) wanted to sleep over there tonight and kicked off when I said no.

I am at a bit of a loss how to handle this. I don't want to cause any bad feeling with the neighbours, and I don't want to tell the kids explicitly why I don't want them in that house.

At the moment DD says I'm ruining her life by not letting her stay there tonight (she'll get over it) but this is going to come up again and I'm not sure how to proceed with this.

They were all a bit frosty with me when we first moved in and my kids met theirs etc because we own our (large) home and they are in the HA terraces. Lots of jibes about being 'posh' which is not me at all. Anyway, over time we have become quite friendly but I'm just not happy about my kids spending too much time in the house.

What should I do? Talk to the mum (who is lovely) and explain my reasons and ask her not to invite them in? That could potentially cause massive drama. Or I could just tell the kids they are not to go in, but they would want to know why and any bullshit reason would be relayed back to the parents.

Or just keep my kids in and stop them playing with their friends?

I'm stuck. I'm not anti drugs either, in fact I think I'd feel the same if he was just smoking fags in the house.

OP posts:
gingergenius · 28/08/2017 21:08

Tough one op. I totally get your perspective. Nothing helpful to add right now, but will happily ponder and come back if I do - just didn't want to read and run. It might help to say that passive smoking (not mentioning the weed) is dangerous????

talonofthepithon · 28/08/2017 21:08

You are the parent.
Tell your children they are NOT to go in the house of known drug users- what is so hard for you?

MadamMinacious · 28/08/2017 21:08

Could you invite DD's friend to stay at yours instead as a compromise?

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:13

I don't want to tell DD that it's because he smokes drugs. At the moment she is still oblivious and thinks they smell different to my fags because they are roll ups.

Also I am a tiny bit scared about any repurcussions. He's mellowed a lot these days but he used to be very well known in my (wasted) youth as a Bad Man. And he does still love a good ding dong with the neighbours apparently. I'd like to avoid that as much as possible.

OP posts:
RedBlackberries · 28/08/2017 21:14

Tough one but if the mum is anything like me she'd be a bit embarrassed by her dh smoking weed so openly in front of children and she might say something on your behalf. Talk about being worried about passive smoking and don't lay on the drugs stuff too heavily and she'll be understanding.

It's not worth the upset from your dd to stop her going over.

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:14

Have had the friend here on many occasions, I'm always happy to.

OP posts:
YouRat · 28/08/2017 21:14

I have neighbours who smoke weed all day long. The stench goes through our walls. I hate it. I would tell your dc not to go there anymore if you're not happy. Trust your instincts as a parent. The kids will have to get over it.

TheDodgyEnd · 28/08/2017 21:15

Would you feel different if they smoked in the garden and not indoors? As in, would you let the kids stay over if there was no indoor smoking? Is it the lingering smoke inside that's the problem or is it that they smoke at all? Am I making sense?

talonofthepithon · 28/08/2017 21:16

You can't be naive enough to think your children can't smell the difference between tobacco and marijuana.
If you insist on sheltering them to that extent, I don't think it's going to go well for you or them.

You're a parent act like one.

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:17

Yes, sorry I meant to put that bit in. I've no problem with them going in the other house where the dad smokes outside. It's not ideal but he's a lovely guy and wouldn't dream of smoking around the kids.

But the other dad literally sits on his sofa smoking all day, often with his mates round smoking as well. Walking into their house is like walking into dense fog. And it reeks.

OP posts:
RedBlackberries · 28/08/2017 21:19

That can't be good for a child's lungs. Seriously have a chat with the wife before you start banning your dd from going round there.

talonofthepithon · 28/08/2017 21:19

Is this the example you are happy for your DC to be se?

talonofthepithon · 28/08/2017 21:19

set- I mean

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:19

My children aren't at all sheltered. My 15yo knows what's going on (he doesn't play out). I'm very open and matter of fact with them about most things, but I don't think DD (who has mild SN) would benefit from me saying 'you can't go round there because DRUGS'.

OP posts:
CosmicPineapple · 28/08/2017 21:20

Just be honest.
If they openly smoke it then they should accept not everyone will like it.
Dont critise them just say you dont lime passive smoking around DD.

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:20

Their relationship is very abusive complicated and I would get nowhere by talking to her. There's no way she could tell him not to.

OP posts:
TheLegendOfBeans · 28/08/2017 21:20

Crikey Talon, I didn't know what weed smelled like until I was 19! She's not sheltering her children, she's trying to find a way to diplomatically explain why they can't have a sleepover at their chums' house.

Crikey.

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:21

See this is where I think I'm just overthinking and should just say to them why I don't want my kids in their house.

OP posts:
talonofthepithon · 28/08/2017 21:21

So you're happy for your child with SN to be hanging out with druggies as oppose to explaining in an age appropriate way that some people make decisions that aren't good decisions, they are illegal and you don't want them around that?

Ok.. sounds more like you're a wet blanket and would rather keep the stoner neighbours happy than keep your kids in a safe environment.

RedBlackberries · 28/08/2017 21:22

Ok fair doos. Maybe just speak to him direct then.

LuLuuuuuuu · 28/08/2017 21:23

What does it matter you live in a (large) house ? Hmm

Seems to me to be a dig at the HA tenants .

As for your daughter, as others have said, you are the adult , say No .

Ummmmgogo · 28/08/2017 21:24

aww op. you are not a wet blanket! I would just tell your DD she can't stay there because the smoke will make her eyes itch if she's there for too long xx

Glumglowworm · 28/08/2017 21:24

If you only smoke outside and not in your house then definitely use the passive smoking argument. It's fine at your house and other family house because everyone smokes outside only. It's not fine at this family house because they smoke indoors.

Of course, that's assuming you only smoke outside yourself

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:24

LuLuu, no sorry, I was trying to make the point that they already think I'm some kind of posh snob and this could just amplify that. Sorry if I wasn't clear, I'm all a bit muddled at the moment.

OP posts:
CosmicPineapple · 28/08/2017 21:25

Hang on.

Their relationship is abusive??

No no no no

Do not let your DC in that enviroment!!

Christ.

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