Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC's friends parents smoking weed.

38 replies

NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:05

Gah. I hate this, I hate confrontation and I'm having quite a rough time with my MH right now so I may be overthinking.

Basically, we live in a lovely street where all the kids play out, it's not a through road so it's very safe and all the kids are in and out of the houses.

Two of the dads are heavy weed smokers. I mean the type of smoker who literally smokes all day. One smokes outside but the other smokes in his house.

I would really really prefer my dc not to go in the house but of course they do, particularly the teenager (she's very young for her age and is besties with the younger girl of the family).

DD and DS2 (13 and 6) wanted to sleep over there tonight and kicked off when I said no.

I am at a bit of a loss how to handle this. I don't want to cause any bad feeling with the neighbours, and I don't want to tell the kids explicitly why I don't want them in that house.

At the moment DD says I'm ruining her life by not letting her stay there tonight (she'll get over it) but this is going to come up again and I'm not sure how to proceed with this.

They were all a bit frosty with me when we first moved in and my kids met theirs etc because we own our (large) home and they are in the HA terraces. Lots of jibes about being 'posh' which is not me at all. Anyway, over time we have become quite friendly but I'm just not happy about my kids spending too much time in the house.

What should I do? Talk to the mum (who is lovely) and explain my reasons and ask her not to invite them in? That could potentially cause massive drama. Or I could just tell the kids they are not to go in, but they would want to know why and any bullshit reason would be relayed back to the parents.

Or just keep my kids in and stop them playing with their friends?

I'm stuck. I'm not anti drugs either, in fact I think I'd feel the same if he was just smoking fags in the house.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 28/08/2017 21:25

Just say that you don't want them in there because they smoke indoors, hopefully you don't, so this will be a great explanation.

I would have thought the eldest would be able to understand though, they do educate them at school by her age about drugs.

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:26

Ummmmgogo Thank you! That is actually a really good way of explaining it to DD, she'll get that.

Any yes to the passive smoking reason too, yes I only ever smoke outside and won't let the kids get too close when I do.

OP posts:
Mulch · 28/08/2017 21:28

I think at that age, however tactful or blunt you are your going to be the bad guy to them.. I'd offer for them to stay with you instead as a compromise.

Bluelonerose · 28/08/2017 21:28

I agree use the smoking indoors as an excuse. My ndn are constantly smoking weed outside.
I used to live next door to hard core druggies so I'm not too bothered by it

Cleanermaidcook · 28/08/2017 21:28

I'd say she can't stay because "dad smokes inside which is very bad for you and can make you very ill, he's an adult and it's his choice to do that in his home but I don't agree with it so you won't be staying. " end of discussion. If she then tells them this you just stand by your reason.

Ummmmgogo · 28/08/2017 21:29

you are welcome hope it works x

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 28/08/2017 21:29

Right, I think I've decided I am overthinking and just need to talk about passive smoking.

DD knows about drugs in a sort of abstract way, but I think she'd be mortified/fascinated to realise she knows someone who sits in front of her doing them. She's a complicated child and has to be handled a bit.

OP posts:
RedastheRose · 28/08/2017 21:30

I wouldn't mention what he's smoking just have a chat with your DD and tell her that it is concern for her health as the dad smokes in the house and it is very bad for young people particularly to be around smoke and exposed to passive smoking. Look up some of the scary images from smoking and show her and explain that's why you'd rather that her and her little brother didn't play over there. At 13 she is old enough to understand this and accept what you have said.

Mumof56 · 28/08/2017 21:34

You can't control what goes on in their house. What's the point in talking to the parents. I don't get why the mother would tell your child to stop going over.

Encourage them to have sleepovers in your massive house

Mistigri · 28/08/2017 21:35

I wouldn't want my children in a house with heavy smokers. What is being smoked isn't really the main issue here - just explain to your kids about the dangers of passive smoking, and offer to host the sleepovers yourself.

zzzzz · 28/08/2017 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ummmmgogo · 28/08/2017 21:44

if you smoke your self don't go tooo heavy on the dangers of smoking or you will traumatise her!

notangelinajolie · 28/08/2017 21:44

Say no, and have an adult conversation with your DC explaining why. Never let your kids push you into a corners.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page