Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Siblings caring for siblings?

73 replies

Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 17:36

I've been very ill for 3 years. Last year was a milestone birthday and I did nothing to mark it as was too poorly. I haven't been anywhere further than the hospital or the dc's school in a long time. I recently recieved new treatment and it has changed my life. Feel so so much better. I want to treat myself to a little break away in the sun to celebrate getting my life back. I have asked my 21 and 19 year old sons to care for their brothers aged 15 and 13 while I am away. My parents are now saying they will call the police on me for child abandonment if I go. Where do I stand on this? Wibu to go and leave siblings caring for them? My parents also refuse to keep an eye on them even though they live 10 mins away. (This is all about control, they are very controlling and hate me doing anything enjoyable or for myself) feel so down right now 😰

OP posts:

Glumglowworm · 28/08/2017 18:28

*"are they alone" not the grammar travesty in my post obviously

sonjadog · 28/08/2017 18:36

Go on your holiday and try to put your stupid parents out of your mind. What does your father think the police are going to do? Your children are in the care of adults. If he threatens to call police or social services, tell him to go right ahead.

purplecorkheart · 28/08/2017 18:37

Honestly forget about them. There is no need to contact social services or the police. Go and enjoy your holidays.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 28/08/2017 18:38

Sounds like you need a permanent holiday from your horrible parents. It would serve them right if they got a flea in their ear for wasting police time.

Original poster

Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 18:47

Thank you all. Feel a bit better about it all now. I knew legally I wasn't doing anything wrong, just being made to feel like shit isn't nice is it.

OP posts:

MrsTrebus · 28/08/2017 22:09

OP this situation is utterly ridiculous. I suggest you have a great holiday, bring back lovely gifts for your dc and never discuss anything with your parents ever again. Wtf is the matter with them. Remember if you're arguing with a mad man, it's hard to tell who's mad!

SheepyFun · 28/08/2017 22:20

When I was 21 (admittedly not recently) I was left caring for my siblings while my parents went on holiday. The youngest was 14. My parents did write to the school to let them know - partly so the school would understand when there was a different signature on the detention slips! So you might want to let the school know, and give them your eldest son's contact details for emergencies, but otherwise go on holiday and enjoy!

melj1213 · 28/08/2017 23:15

I would ignore your parents OP, they just sound spiteful. By 19 I was living at the other end of the country and pregnant ... by 21 I was living in a totally different European country with my DD and my Ex.

I work for a company that runs teen summer camps and earlier in the summer 70 14-18 year olds were left in the care of 6 22 year olds for a fortnight. If they can watch 70 teenagers at camp, a 19 & 21 year old are more than capable of watching a 15 & 13 year old in their own home!

I would however use their threats to prepare your boys for any issues that might occur while you're gone and what to do in those instances.

Inform their school that the younger two are being looked after by their brothers while you're away and give them their details in case they need to get in touch with someone (or if your parents call the school to cause trouble they will be pre-warned)

I'd also make sure they have a friend or someone to call in case of emergency that knows you will be away and the situation with your parents, just so they can call on another adult's support (eg if your parents come round or the police turn up and they feel out of their depth, having a family friend on speed dial may reassure them.)

I'd make sure the cupboards were stocked with the basics, make sure they have money for groceries/petrol (if one or both of the older two drive) and maybe leave an extra £20 takeaway fund emergency fund just in case.

I would also leave your itinerary with them - what hotel/resort you're staying at; it's address/phone number; your flight details so they know when you'll be gone & when you're due back. Again, if the police do get a call and show up, the fact that your kids have the info (and you have a return flight!) shows that they haven't been abandoned and they can contact you if needs be.

KweenOfFarts · 28/08/2017 23:21

1)Don't engage anymore.
2)Make sure kids know what to do in emergency (all though at that age they should know)

Enjoy your break.

Hopefully your parents will get bollocking for wasting police time

Finally come back and tell us all about your fabulous break.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/08/2017 23:29

My 20 year old nephew and his 19 year old girlfriend have been left in charge of a child for the past 10 days. A much younger, much more vulnerable child as well. so far the police don't seem to have taken much interest. They have even chosen a name for him!

(Their brand new teeny tiny baby!)

FretYeNotAllIsShiny · 28/08/2017 23:36

I left a 16 year old in charge of an 8 and 6 year old for two days, I wasn't out of the country but in the maternity hospital with my 18 year old. He coped fine with his sisters. And his eldest sister coped with her baby, because, she's an adult.

Your parents are being ridiculous and will be (metaphorically if not literally) laughed out of the police station.

Madwoman5 · 28/08/2017 23:41

How dare you get better and treat yourself? Out-bloody-ragous. Tell your oldest kids that gp want them to fail so don't give them the ammo. Go and have a wonderful time and tell your dps you are disappointed that they cannot support your decisions to leave your ADULT offspring in charge. The police will only get involved if your older kids are clearly not taking their responsibilities seriously.

Mittens1969 · 29/08/2017 00:12

I'm so sorry your parents are treating you like this; there really is no way they can get the police on to you as you've left your 2 adult children in charge. Hope you have a really lovely holiday.

Best never to tell your parents what you're doing in the future.

faithinthesound · 29/08/2017 02:21

I thought this was going to be about leaving a toddler with a five year old! Your parents are being ridiculous, hysterical, and unnecessary. If t'were me, I'd just laugh in their faces. But I like what PP have said about giving your sons a heads up about what their 'D'GP might do and what they can do if that situation does eventuate.

If you want my honest opinion? I think you should be damn proud of yourself, that you've raised four great children. The two oldest are not just responsible enough to be left in charge, they're willing to do it (ie, not selfish/lazy/not willing to pitch in). All four of them are pleasant enough people that they get along well enough (the two oldest haven't refused to care for "two brats", and the two youngest haven't refused to stay in the care of "two tyrants"). And okay some of that is personality, but it doesn't happen in a vacuum - a lot of it has to do with your parenting. So well done.

(Sorry for the derail!!)

Rainbowqueeen · 29/08/2017 04:06

You sound lovely. Your boys sound lovely. Your parents sound deranged.

Do everything that Melj suggested and then go and have a lovely time

QueenOfVipers · 29/08/2017 07:26

Worst case scenario is they phone the police, tell them kids have been abandoned and don't mention your adult DCs, police attend your home, oldest DCs clarify the situation and that they are there supervising, police go oh ok, tell your parents they are being knobs (more politely of course) and that they have no concerns. No issue,
And that's worst case scenario if your parents deliberately don't mention there's an adult there

FeistyColl · 29/08/2017 07:52

Can you do a last minute booking while your parents are away? There is absolutely no reason for them to know anything about it.Your dcs will have other people to turn to in the extremely unlikely event of an emergency.
Your parents sound totally deranged and have caused enough damage.
You thoroughly deserve to treat yourself and your dcs sound fantastic !

dontbesillyhenry · 29/08/2017 08:14

Your parents are nasty revolting human beings. Please print this thread and post it to them so they are in no doubt how nasty and weird they are. Then go nc as they are toxic to the core. Enjoy your break and use this time to think about making yourself a happier less stressful life

junebirthdaygirl · 29/08/2017 08:59

Im jealous you ha.ve such orlganised responsible dc. I feel for you with yourdps. Aside from this incident they sound so horrible and so unsuppirtive to their own dd who has been so ill. You would think they would be saying go! go!
Is there any way you can not tell those people in futyre any of your plans?
Is the df of your dcs around anywhere? Could he drop in now and then or could a good friend or neighbour? Not because they need it but lm thinking you wont enjoy the hokiday with that threat over you. I dont know what sickness you had but wondering if your bad health is connected in any way to having such awful parents.
I do think that tip of notifying the school is a good one as they could easily contact school and it would be good to be ahead of them.

Bluelonerose · 29/08/2017 09:05

By 19 I was pregnant with my second child never had police knock my door.
My parents are be exactly the same. Dh treated us to a weekend away couple of years ago (90 mins drive away from home)
My mom acted like ide left my kids with Jimmy Savile not the own bloody father.
There will always be people who don't like what you do long as you and your kids are happy let you mom ring the police then she can be done for wasting police time

Highpeak · 29/08/2017 09:08

So sorry your parents are such bad humans and have taken away the excitement from your upcoming trip.

You know your adult sons are more than capable of taking care of their siblings. it sounds like they have more life skills than the average young adult due to your circumstances. As PPs have said, they could have their own kids, be working as nannies etc!
Your parents are nuts

Voiceforreason · 29/08/2017 09:15

If this wasn't so unkind to you it would be laughable. Sounds like you have raised/are raising wonderfully sensible and competent young people. Well done! Enjoy your hols.

Penfold007 · 29/08/2017 09:50

All that matters is that your four boys are happy with the arrangements. If their DF isnt going with you and is involved in their lives maybe he could offer some support.

Flip

1 2 3