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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Siblings caring for siblings?

73 replies

Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 17:36

I've been very ill for 3 years. Last year was a milestone birthday and I did nothing to mark it as was too poorly. I haven't been anywhere further than the hospital or the dc's school in a long time. I recently recieved new treatment and it has changed my life. Feel so so much better. I want to treat myself to a little break away in the sun to celebrate getting my life back. I have asked my 21 and 19 year old sons to care for their brothers aged 15 and 13 while I am away. My parents are now saying they will call the police on me for child abandonment if I go. Where do I stand on this? Wibu to go and leave siblings caring for them? My parents also refuse to keep an eye on them even though they live 10 mins away. (This is all about control, they are very controlling and hate me doing anything enjoyable or for myself) feel so down right now 😰

OP posts:
AmysTiara · 28/08/2017 17:56

Your parents don't want you going awAy and having fun. So they're threatening you. But they're talking out of their backsides as the police won't care at all.

Have a lovely time.

LuLuuuuuuu · 28/08/2017 17:57

Well then I hope the Police laugh down the phone at him

You are a grown woman

You are temporarily leaving two grown DCs who should be more than capable of taking care of the younger ones.

BeepBeepMOVE · 28/08/2017 17:58

Have the older two been doing a lot of caring for siblings whilst you've been ill?

Could they perhaps be fed up of it and moaned to grandparents?

purplecorkheart · 28/08/2017 17:59

OP, you are an adult as are your two older children. Once your boys are happy and capable to look after the younger to then it is no one business but your own. The Police will laugh at your fathers suggestion of stopping you at the airport. Go off and enjoy your holiday.

Original poster
Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 17:59

Thanks for the support I really appreciate it. Do you think I should log with the police and social services that I am going and what threats are being made beforehand? Just to make the relevant authorities aware that they allegations will be forthcoming?

OP posts:
grandOlejukeofYork · 28/08/2017 18:00

No, of course you should not call the police to tell them you are going on holiday!

Rachie1973 · 28/08/2017 18:01

Your parents are away with the fairies! My older ones have looked after their siblings for years!

Let them call the police, you can laugh later,

Tralalalalz · 28/08/2017 18:01

Absolutely not unless your younger children are on the at risk register in which case then there may be rules about who you can leave them with bit assuming that they're not then do not tell anyone in authority, it's totally irrelevant

Batteriesallgone · 28/08/2017 18:06

No it doesn't need logging with the authorities.

You do need to sit the older sons down and say your grandparents have made these threats, are they ok to deal with the tension while you are away. Are they ok to deal with social services if they call (I know some people get really nervous around authority figures). It might be worth just going over with them what they would say - mum is on a two week holiday, the younger children are staying in the same house as me, I have assumed responsibility for them etc.

You also need to be prepared for your sons to say they don't want to be in the middle of you and their grandparents. In which case rearrange the holiday for another time and don't tell your parents you are going

Ttbb · 28/08/2017 18:07

Your youngest is 13 which is old enough to be able to cook, call 999 etc. Your oldest is old enough to train as a lawyer or have children of his own. It's fine. If your parents s call the police they will get laughed at.

theancientmarinader · 28/08/2017 18:07

Child abandonment? For leaving a 15 and 13yo with two adults from their own family? The police would laugh.
I've left my 15 and 13yo overnight with their 17yo sister and the 18yo friend that lives with us. The 15yo is trying to persuade me to leave him home alone for the long weekend as he doesn't want to come to drop the 17yo at uni. I won't leave him, but mostly because I want him to look round the campus and spend the weekend with us.

helpfulperson · 28/08/2017 18:07

Presumably you have actually asked your older children if they are happy to do this? Have they maybe said something to Grandparents to suggest that they won't actually look after the younger ones while you are away?

leighdinglady · 28/08/2017 18:08

If it'll put your mind at ease, call 101 and tell them the situation. You absolutely don't need too, but it might make you less anxious if you can say "I've already spoken to police, who say you're talking crap"

Go away whilst they're away at the same time

DudeHatesHisCarryOut · 28/08/2017 18:09

Hope you have a lovely holiday. Bet your sons will have a great time together!

Do you think your parents might try and cause trouble for your sons, somehow? (I mean, they're not going to get you stopped at the gate but do you think they might try and send the police round to the house whilst you're away for some made-up reason?) It might be an idea to warn your eldest 2 if so.

x2boys · 28/08/2017 18:10

My niece was 18 when her mum died suddenly ,and she got residency of her brothers aged nine and two at the time so your parents have no idea what they are talking about.

dangerrabbit · 28/08/2017 18:11

I work in children's services and if a case like this was reported it would be seen as not a concern unless there are other factors you have not told us about.

Original poster
Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 18:12

Yes my eldest are happy to supervise the others. They are all very self sufficient as I've been bed bound a lot over the last few years so they can all cook/clean/do their own washing and are all good at organising themselves.

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 28/08/2017 18:12

Your parents are idiots!

Speak to the older 2 about the threats and how to deal with it should it happen (i.e.: police knocking the door while you're away.....they sound nuts enough to lie about the situation), don't tell your parents when you're going.

And enjoy yourself!

Original poster
Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 18:13

No, no other factors at all. Both didn have part time jobs, no criminal record etc...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 18:13

*sons

OP posts:
alisonyawn · 28/08/2017 18:15
  1. Pre warn your eldest two about the threats.
  1. Tell your parents you're going, and to ring the police. You look forward to what they have to say.
  1. If they keep being abusive, report THEM.

Just because they're your parents don't mean they can control you. As pointed out before, your eldest two could technically be married with families of their own. Your parents sound abusive and controlling. Cut them off.

silverbell64 · 28/08/2017 18:18

Your parents are of course being way OTT. Depends how responsible the 19 and 21 year old are though. You know them best and would be able to judge the situation. As much as I adore my 19 year old, no way would I leave him in my house and go away.

Original poster
Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 18:19

Jeeze I'd actually love to report my Dad for maliciousness. They've both made my life a misery for years. That would be sweet revenge. I wouldn't though, but I can daydream... Just can't cope with all this vitriol. The suggestion that I'm doing something terribly wrong is making me feel awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sptownmama · 28/08/2017 18:22

They are very responsible, they are not partiers at all, and don't go out to clubs etc, my eldest is into gaming and movies and he's very much a homebody. I wouldn't for one minute be worried about them having a party or inviting people round, they just wouldn't do it. Very sensible they are.

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 28/08/2017 18:27

Can you imagine the call?

"999, what's your emergency?"
"My grandchildren have been abandoned!"
"How old are they?"
"They're teenagers."
"Are they're alone in the house?"
"No, their two adult brothers are there."
"Right."

Of course yadnbu! As long as all the boys are happy with the situation it's absolutely fine.