AIBU - OH not taking responsibility!!

[BabyAndBunny]

Backstory: my OH went to get our teething baby (nearly 5 months old) Calpol from the kitchen.

He was going to give it to him and I noticed he'd got 5ml not 2.5ml in those mouth syringe things you get!

I asked what he was doing and he said he thought that was the amount! And had given 5ml two nights ago!

I've since called NHS direct and been told not to panic and we would have seen any reaction by now etc etc.

Anyway - I completely blew my lid but mostly because his reaction was 'why are you being so dramatic'/ 'it's completely fine'/ 'it's only paracetamol' etc etc - just a bunch of rubbish, basically saying it's not a big deal and doesn't really matter!

That's the thing that really pevved me off! If he had been horrified he'd double dosed his son rather than shocked that I was so worried and convinced it didn't matter I would have been fine! I know mistakes happen and it's okay but really it's the attitude!

How can you not feel bad/concerned?! It's just him not wanting to take any responsibility!

Now I'm upstairs in a pitch black room with a sleeping baby and he's downstairs - AIBU to be so angry that he doesn't want to admit he'd made a mistake and just wants to force that it doesn't really matter onto me?!

OP I think you owe your DH an apology. You've massively overreacted. I wouldn't want to admit I made a mistake in front of you with that reaction I'm afraid. He's trying to parent, same as you. I'm sure you'll fall down from your high horse at some point too. It's not nice to be attacked for trying to do the right thing. Your baby is fine and I assume your husband is not such a psychopath that he won't check correct dosages from now on.

That's also going to seriously impact on ops ability to do basic things like go out for a coffee with a friend or even have a long bath.

But then maybe that was the plan all alomg...

As a children's nurse you should know that 2x5ml or calpol in place of 2x2.5ml of calpol is not "very dangerous".
Or indeed dangerous at all.

Unless he can convince you that he'll be more careful in future, I suggest a blanket ban on him giving your DS medicines of any description.

'Banning' the other parent from doing a normal parenting job, is not the way to go. In a few years time you'll be back on here complaining that he doesn't do anything to help parent your child.

Be calm, talk to him about the dosage, ask him to double check the next few times he gives calpol. Even if he's not as upset about it as you think he should be, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose.

Grand ole - I wasn't the poster who said a small overdose could be fatal, but I did quite from the NHS, which lists kidney and liver malfunction as side effects, and says that in cases of overdose, this malfunction can be severe. I.e. It's not likely, but it is possible.

Giving a small baby twice the recommended amount for two days solid could (note could, not will) cause such a severe reaction. Obviously this was only one dose, and no harm done. But OP's dp does need to be aware of correct dosages in the future.

NB ibuprofen is far safer even in larger than recommended doses OP, and comes in liquid form.

He's an adult and presumably is able to learn from experience? Assume that he's capable of checking in the future, or never leave your child with him again nder any circumstances no matter how grave.

"NB ibuprofen is far safer" not for kids with asthma and some stomach issues, please be careful.

OP, just ensure your DP reads the instructions in future and knows any dire reactions from him not doing so will result in him taking all responsibility for the consequences.

OP - it sounds like you are doing your best to kill this relationship. I feel for your child.

There are also 2 different types of calpol the regukar and the 6 plus.

If he doesn't read bottles there's no way of knowing he will even pick the right one and that won't just be 2.5 mls more it's double strength so far worse.

The needs to take this seriously or she can't be sure he can ever be trusted.

Thanks guys all made up! Everyone's apologised for shouting!

We were chatting and he was like oh I've looked up if this is okay and seen some hilarious responses on mumsnet (thought he saw my post so mentioned it - turns out he was speaking of something else).

He's read the comments and had a good giggle at how much I've been brutalised 😂 ... probably going to set up his own mumsnet account now 🙄

Ps Nutragena - pretty brutal comment, real helpful. I guess I should pussyfoot around him like a good little housewife ❤️

That's also going to seriously impact on ops ability to do basic things like go out for a coffee with a friend or even have a long bath.

But then maybe that was the plan all alomg...

Yeah that'll be it. He's an evil genius.

Wouldn't he the first or last partner to deliberately screw up so that they don't have to do something again

Check out the "incompetent husband"" threads

I would be really pissed off too. Firstly he was a total prat not to bother to read the label before giving a 5 month old baby paracetamol and secondly because he didn't seem that bothered about the mistake. As a one off it will be okay but if you hadn't intervened he would have continued to do this which could have caused serious harm. All the posters who think you are over-reacting are idiots too.

yuck :)

You going off and shouting at him is hardly going to help is it? We're all human and all make mistakes.

A week ago, dh gave ds3 a x 10 dose of medicine by mistake. Ds3 is 3 months...it was Abidec vitamins. He picked up the wrong syringe and gave him a 3ml dose rather than a 0.3ml dose.

Hence panic as we called NHS Direct when we realised but as it turns out it's not actually a problem, just don't do it again territory. How would me shouting at dh have benefited anyone?

I found my ex to be just as laid back/irresponsible when looking after our child. I was told I was overreacting.

Sadly it wasn't a one off incident and I ended up taking charge of everything. I wrote down correct doses on the bottle in sharpie pens and did a medicine schedule chart on the door. It was a constant nagging of 'Have you done the 10 am dose etc.

A week ago, dh gave ds3 a x 10 dose of medicine by mistake. Ds3 is 3 months...it was Abidec vitamins. He picked up the wrong syringe and gave him a 3ml dose rather than a 0.3ml dose.

I would call that a genuine mistake though. It's a bit different to not bothering to read the label in the first place which is what OP's DP did.

Luckily our baby was ok but the lack of reaction to what could have happened and then the repetition of fucking up the dosages and timings was very concerning.

Hopefully your partner understands how serious it could have been and will not fuck up again.

They've made up now and all is well with BabyandBunny. She's shown DS this thread and they're having a great make up bonding laugh at posters expense. Weird.

YANBU
As you say yes mistakes happen but it's the lack of ownership of that mistake that the big issue.
Without ownership you can't tell if he understands the seriousness of the mistake and can't be confident he won't do it again. I too would of blown my top at the blasè attitude he took!

Glad it's all sorted.

Maybe next time, think about how you deal with conflict as I think he was minimising due to your reaction.