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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - OH not taking responsibility!!

76 replies

BabyAndBunny · 28/08/2017 17:19

Backstory: my OH went to get our teething baby (nearly 5 months old) Calpol from the kitchen.

He was going to give it to him and I noticed he'd got 5ml not 2.5ml in those mouth syringe things you get!

I asked what he was doing and he said he thought that was the amount! And had given 5ml two nights ago!

I've since called NHS direct and been told not to panic and we would have seen any reaction by now etc etc.

Anyway - I completely blew my lid but mostly because his reaction was 'why are you being so dramatic'/ 'it's completely fine'/ 'it's only paracetamol' etc etc - just a bunch of rubbish, basically saying it's not a big deal and doesn't really matter!

That's the thing that really pevved me off! If he had been horrified he'd double dosed his son rather than shocked that I was so worried and convinced it didn't matter I would have been fine! I know mistakes happen and it's okay but really it's the attitude!

How can you not feel bad/concerned?! It's just him not wanting to take any responsibility!

Now I'm upstairs in a pitch black room with a sleeping baby and he's downstairs - AIBU to be so angry that he doesn't want to admit he'd made a mistake and just wants to force that it doesn't really matter onto me?!

OP posts:
FallingOrbit · 28/08/2017 17:57

Huge overreaction. I'm sure (very sure) you've made it clear he got the dose wrong. Shit, even I'm sure he got the dose wrong and I'm not even in the same house, or likely even postcode as you.

He got something wrong, no harm has been done and I'm quite sure he won't ever dare to be so imperfect around your precious arse ever again.

grandOlejukeofYork · 28/08/2017 17:58

You said a "small dose" which is not remotely the same as the NHS advice which, as you yourself quote says "severe cases" and refers to a LARGE overdose.

Do you people not even read what you are quoting before your regurgitate it?

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 28/08/2017 18:01

While I understand you wanting him to be bothered you are massively over reacting... It's done, it's passed & cant be changed, your DS is fine, so you need to let it go. My DH once gave our 18 month old the 6+ calpol by mistake - these things happen!

alisonyawn · 28/08/2017 18:01

YABU.
He more then likely knows he's done wrong, and probably would have reacted more to it, if you had not reacted enough for the both of you, your neighbours and your entire postcode and their pets.

Do you lose your shit like that at him often? If so, it can be very draining and he'll start to just "not care" when you start.

LouHotel · 28/08/2017 18:01

I think it sounds like this is your first child so your a bit scared about what could happen and thats perfectly normal and is what 111 is there for. I think some posters are being a bit OTT in their critisism of that.

In regards to your husbands reaction; there's trying to minimise because you feel guiilty or minimising because.you dont think you've done anything wrong. If he's the type to do the latter and never apologise then i think your justifiably angry; instructions are there for a reason and when it comes to babies this can build up. For example putting baby to bed on his front because he cries less, facing the carseat forward ect...we do things a certain way because its safer.

Gorgosparta · 28/08/2017 18:02

Just a small overdose of paracetamol can cause the kidneys to malfunction and can cause death

No its not.

silverbell64 · 28/08/2017 18:04

DS has a bad reaction tonuts and carries an epi-pen. I remember his first reaction vividly (when he was 2). Blue lighted to hospital etc. they gave him what is probably equivalent to a whole bottle of piriton, then some more. So the dose you're DH gave your child is nothing.

silverbell64 · 28/08/2017 18:04

*to nuts

Ttbb · 28/08/2017 18:05

He sounds like a bit of a man child.

Hairyfairy01 · 28/08/2017 18:08

It's not smack therefore yabu. That said with my PFB I may have been the same as you.

Somerford · 28/08/2017 18:08

You "blew your lid", he knows he was wrong but he's adopted the polar opposite stance to you because you've massively overreacted. I would I wager that had you pointed his error out calmly, he probably would have acknowledged that he should have been more careful. Screaming and shouting at people is counter productive, he might dig his heels in now in which case you're wasting time having an argument about whether it's a significant issue or not when he knows full well that it is.

If I were you I'd sort it out quickly and get on with your life. Calm yourself down, tell him you shouldn't have overreacted but ask him to be aware of how serious it could have been. Then it's finished and you don't need an all day back and forth over it.

zippey · 28/08/2017 18:08

You're probably both very tired and looking after a baby is hard work.

Be kind to each other.

HackneyedCuldscopy · 28/08/2017 18:08

Lucky you're here @Ttbb so we can all be reminded to say manchild, LTB, red flag, is he controlling in other ways blady blady blah.

silverbell64 · 28/08/2017 18:10

Hmm..man child and princess. Never the twain should meet Grin

Somerford · 28/08/2017 18:11

*You are correct to be angry at your DH. Just a small overdose of paracetamol can cause the kidneys to malfunction and can cause death.

Unless he can convince you that he'll be more careful in future, I suggest a blanket ban on him giving your DS medicines of any description*

Fuck me. There needs to be a blanket ban on you giving advice.

WineAndTiramisu · 28/08/2017 18:13

silverbell64 piriton and paracetamol are very different drugs.

As a one off,a double dose is no issue, however if he'd carried on doing that for 4 doses a day for a few days, that could certainly cause liver issues.

It warranted being pointed out, definitely, but he probably does feel bad, just doesn't want you keep going on about it

SecretFreebirther · 28/08/2017 18:15

You are over-reacting, it's not that serious. We've been in a&e many times over my 14 years of parenting and if the correct dose isn't bringing the temperature down adequately they just give more. Obviously it's not ideal and shouldn't be a regular occurrence but you should give your dp a break and an apology

Original poster
BabyAndBunny · 28/08/2017 18:16

I don't expect an apology to me or any such 'falling on his knees' etc
Etc - yes perhaps an over reaction to be mad but it's quite frightening when his reaction is 'it's alright'

You can't assume the dose with medicine and as other people have pointed out - if he had him all day and was giving those amounts that would be so much worse... what if this happened with a more serious medicine??

The issue is he seemed to not be bothered which angered/frightened me as will he check doses next time? Or will it be another 'I thought this was the amount'.

If I had done this he would definitely have told me that I need to be more carefuI and would want to know when else I'd given these amounts - I don't think it would have escalated as I'd be mortified rather than nonchalant!

Ps. I know I'm pretty highly strung but tbh we both are so I can fully imagine being on the receiving end of some stern words if I did the same. My OH isn't some delicate flower who gets a telling off haha

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 28/08/2017 18:16

Ye are both only getting used to having a baby. Just help each other. You could make almighty blunder tomorrow and be hoping your dh has a bit of mercy. Be a team and if one makes an error cover off. Eating the face off him hardly helps.

grandOlejukeofYork · 28/08/2017 18:18

but it's quite frightening when his reaction is 'it's alright

But it IS alright. Why is it frightening that he says no harm done when there is in fact no harm done?
You should apologise.

Viviennemary · 28/08/2017 18:19

It's not ideal. but it's easy done. Especially if he's nervous of doing anything and you over react to things. But no doubt about it. He was in the wrong for not checking.

feathermucker · 28/08/2017 18:22

His lack of shock was probably due to the fact that you immediately reacted as you did.

Yes, it's not great, but be wary of being in a position where you're policing his parenting!

Original poster
BabyAndBunny · 28/08/2017 18:25

'But it IS alright. Why is it frightening that he says no harm done when there is in fact no harm done?
You should apologise.'

I've said why frightening - ie future cases/future more serious medicine etc. The issue isn't I'm in a panic over this one - I've accepted no harm done this issue is - if he doesn't recognise he's made a mistake and is all relaxed I worry he won't check in the future.

I'll apologise before dinner for the shouting as that isn't nice.

Ps - to the other poster mentioning me being a princess - hardly being a princess to be anxious about your first child being given correct doses - they do put them on the bottle because they matter......

OP posts:
RB68 · 28/08/2017 18:27

The real issue here is his inability to read the flipping label and take the responsibility to do that instead of chucking a dose down his neck.

Gileswithachainsaw · 28/08/2017 18:28

Why is it frightening that he says no harm done when there is in fact no harm done?

Well actually given no ones examined or run any tests on this baby no one cab say it's 100% ok. It can take a few days for problems to show. Chances are he really is ok however no one here can actually say he is.

And I would also as harm actually has been done. op now has zero idea if she can actually trust her dh. He decides dosages are a pile of crap and does what he likes and now she is the one who's going to look like she's crazy having to double check with whether he's given any medication and how much every time he's sick or teething

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