To be annoyed at DPs parents

[user1470064958]

Myself and DP spent most of yesterday at a event. This wouldn't of been suitable for DC so months in advance we arranged for DP's parents to look after DC. They are very kind and love looking after him occasionally.

We came home early in the end around 9ish and DC had just gone to sleep. They explained DC didn't want to go to sleep (13 months) and was really difficult to put down.

Currently D.C. Is cutting 4 molars and has chronic ear problems so most likely was quite uncomfortable.

I asked how they eventually got him to sleep and was told they just left him to cry it out in his playpen and then on the sofa until he eventually gave up / passed out from being exhausted.

He is usually cuddled to sleep which I know we need to work on in the future but AIBU to be annoyed they didn't try this and just let him scream instead.

As they left DP's DM said he need to learn so that's what they were doing?

Don't agree with leaving him to cry, but did you explain to them what you wanted them to do? I would do the bedtime routine myself until things are a bit easier.

Yep leaving a baby who needs to be cuddles to sleep with a babysitter is unfair.

Whilst I don't like the thought of my DC being that upset, you abd DP were massively unreasonable asking someone to babysit for you when you choose to cuddle your child to sleep! Until you get your baby to settle in a cot or bed you really can't expect others to babysit for you, its too much to ask.

My daughter was the same needing to be cuddled/sat with to sleep so I didn't leave her with anyone until we sorted it. Not fair on her or the person babysitting imo.

Im a gp and thhink thats desperate. I would never have done that to my own but with my gd l go far and beyond what l did with my own as want to make sure she is happy. Its not my place to train her on one vist. Being secure and contented is more important. I dont like them saying they were training him..not their job. Not much you can do now but wouldnt be leaving him.

Whateagleswear: as others have said on MN, we do not have time machines. OP obviously assumed that the GPs were up to the task and might even have been begged by the GPs to let them look after her baby. Women are allowed to leave the house without their babies occasionally, you know.

If you have to cuddle her to sleep then leaving her with others is really unfair. My sister would do this with her kids then leave them with me- as I had a different kind of figure they literally could not be cuddled to sleep and so I'd let them play and run around until they got tired (usually 3/4am).

At 13 months, he could be quite a large child and not really holdable by older grandparents for long periods, it's hardly like rocking a small baby to sleep. If he was on the sofa, was he really neglected or left, or did they just try to pat him/shhh a crying baby? I used to leave step by step instructions written out and would be annoyed if they weren't followed at all, but for one night, I could live with this.

If you cuddle to sleep, then you should have told DP's parents, so they could do the same. It's a bit unfair to judge them if you didn't.

When I used to leave DS with his Grandma for any length of time, she would always be informed of his routine, likes and dislikes.

It's not a nice thing for you and I imagine you probably feel quite sad about it, but it's not the end of the world and it won't define your babies future as they get older.

I would never have done that to my own but with my gd l go far and beyond what l did with my own as want to make sure she is happy.

Didn't you want your own DC to be happy?

@user1497357411 I'm clarifying facts! I asked how essential that both people went to the event.

What on earth are you going on about with saying "women are allowed to leave the house you know"

I hope you apologised. If I were them, I wouldn't be babysitting again any time soon. That may be more of an ongoing issue.

Yabu leaving a baby who needs to be cuddled to sleep with other people, a baby who is teething and uncomfortable too. You should be utterly grateful that they accepted.

I agree it wasn't pleasant but could this be a generation thing? Your ILs probably tried to comfort and cuddle him to sleep but as it didn't work they may have felt that their only option was to let him 'cry it out'.

A similar situation happened with my parents. My sister had left her little one stay with mum and dad (who were getting on a bit) for a short while as it couldn't be helped. He cried and cried - nothing they did helped so eventually they left him in his pushchair to 'cry it out'. When sis went to collect him she was quite bit put out to find him still in his pushchair with tears dried on his cheeks.

They felt they'd tried everything but to no avail, sister felt that they could have tried harder - so all of them were upset. Just one of those things.

Agree with PPs, It's not fair to leave a baby that needs cuddling to sleep and is teething with babysitters, even GPs. Also a baby that will fall asleep in this way for their parents won't necessarily do so for others.

But as others have said, the baby won't remember it this morning. They were safe and fed and clean and warm. I think they did their best.

If you cuddle to sleep, then you should have told DP's parents, so they could do the same. It's a bit unfair to judge them if you didn't.

I agree.

They aren't mind readers.

Did you explain beforehand how you get DC to sleep by cuddling? If not how could they be expected to know what your expectations were?
And obviously it's not unreasonable for parents to go out together but as you admit in your post, you haven't really addressed the issue that your 13 month old is completely dependent on you to get to sleep.

Seems like grandparents are unable to cuddle these days? Bloody hell.

My 13 mo DD is cuddles to sleep by us and has had numerous sleep overs with grandparents and others who have come here to babysit. They have never had any trouble to settle her as they were capable of giving their own bloody cuddles!

"At 13 months, he could be quite a large child and not really holdable by older grandparents for long periods, it's hardly like rocking a small baby to sleep."

Stop with the ageism, lots of us are physically fit enough to rock a baby.

OP if you left proper instructions about the teething then they are really out of order.

I agree with a pp that most GPs are more obliging/indulgent towards their GC than they were their own. But even if they aren't to leave a baby in pain to exhaust themselves to sleep by crying, is cruel. It isn't training.

As you say OP pick the times they are asked to babysit and ignore the notion that if GPS are babysitting the children are theirs to do with as they choose.

Just to add, it's lovely to be able to have baby/toddler cuddles again and I don't know a GP and GGP who haven't loved that side of babysitting.

you are going to need to stop cuddling him to sleep, if you want a baby sitter again. i suggest.

The concern is he must have been in some pain and they chose to let him cry it out on the sofa rather than give him calpol; thats different to letting him try and settle on his own (i dont support CIO but there are levels).

"If you cuddle to sleep, then you should have told DP's parents, so they could do the same. "

I agree that they should have been told in advance so that they could have decided whether or not to still babysit.

It sounds as if they kept him with them though if he was in the playpen & then on the sofa.

Very unfair of you to say nothing though.

Easy. Just don't let DP parents babysit again. If they are incapable of cuddling a child, then they are probably not the best people to leave him with.

I wouldn't have left a teething baby who needs cuddling to sleep, with anyone.