To consider complaining about this?

[Welshmaenad]

And I don't mean complain really just express how it made me feel and suggest it should be addressed.

I'm in hospital, admitted yesterday to ward from A&E. ward is a surgical ward and women only, all staff are also female. Am in a six-bay ward, fully occupied.

This morning I was told I needed to be taken to theatre for emergency surgery on my breast. I was very upset and unable to reach my DP, who was on a plane. I was gowned up and prepped in the ward and asked to wait on my bed. I then noticed that another patient had a male visitor in the ward despite it not being visiting hours. I told staff I felt his presence wasn't appropriate as another lady and myself were both being gowned for surgery. I was told they could pull my curtain across but not fully close me in - I said I thought they should ask him to leave, as two female patients were in a vulnerable state. This was ignored.

When I returned from theatre/recovery, a different patient had a male visitor - still outside of visiting times. I was very exposed in just a gown and mesh knickers, was on oxygen and feeling quite unwell, and again really vulnerable. I was not able to have my curtains closed as I needed to be observed. As soon as I felt able to get up I therefore went off to the loos and got myself dressed as I wasn't happy to have other people's visitors around me in the state I was in, when really I just wanted to sleep.

AIBU in thinking it is inappropriate to allow male visitors on the ward outside of visiting times when it is a women only surgical ward and women are in a vulnerable state? Maybe I'm just being oversensitive because I've had a tough few days. Neither of the women who had the visitors were in distress, and the men were just sat playing with their phones. The post surgery visitor turned out to be there to collect her as she was being discharged but surely could have waited elsewhere?

I'm hope you are feeling better and the surgery went well.
The only reason I can think of why here would be men there is in big emergencies and they are comforting their partners.
If you had the chance would you have had your DP by your side or made him wait outside?

I would be really annoyed with that, too. Who are these people that can't see that women want a bit of privacy in hospital?

I think yabalbu. You were covered up. Maybe their parteners work during visiting times so the ward made an allowance for them. Maybe those women needed support, it doesn't matter if they were on their phones, it's just their presence.
Wouldn't you have someone there if you could? They weren't disturbing you, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest.
Hope you are feeling ok and you get some support from your OH soon.

You are not being unreasonable. It is shocking how vulnerable women are in hospital and how male visitors are allowed to wander around.

Saying that, my DH stayed with me on a labour ward for 5 days as my induction kept failing. I would have been devastated without him but at the same time I was unhappy that the other 3 women on the ward had their DPs overnight too. Essentially I am a hypocrite and I think my DP should be there to comfort me but no one else should have men there. I know my position is completely unreasonable.

YANBU I definitely think you should complain. I hope you're ok 🌻🌻🌻

Just another one of the delights of the NHS.

Nothing will change unless you voice your concerns. Start with PALS.

I'm sorry you are going through this operation, but I do think YABU.
People benefit hugely from having their loved ones there, just 'with them'.
I suspect, if you were able to, you would have appreciated your OH there.

I think yabsu.

Presumably you had a sheet which you could have pulled over and slept.
If your dp was available I bet you would want him there. You don't know the full situation of the other patients. For eg they may have dementia and need a calming presence.
I hope you recover soon and get support from your oh.

I'm sorry but I think yabu.
I think having the support of a loved one there means a lot for another patient.
They wouldn't have been taking any notice of you, and you're covered up.
At any time in a hospital, there'll be one patient needing support, one wanting peace and quiet, one being discharged etc etc and you can't please everyone.

YABU although I do understand (from very recent experience) and appreciate your viewpoint.
Since you were on a surgical ward the other women would be either preparing for or recovering from surgery and would presumably want their OHs around - as did you.

Visiting times don't really apply where surgery is concerned. Husbands/partners bring their wives in, stay with them, reassure them and wait until they come back from recovery so they can support. (As I'm sure wives/partners do too.)

In hospital no-one gives a toss about how others look or what they're wearing. The nurses do their best to protect patients' privacy (IME) wherever possible.

I think the question of would you have had your partner there is a valid one. This is a surgical ward by your own admission. If it was outwith visiting hours then staff let them in for good reason.

I understand your distress but also think you need to have some empathy. Saying they couldn't be there as the women were not visibly " in distress" is quite harsh in my view.

No, I would not have had my DP there. I wish I could have spoken to him before going to theatre but would not have had him physically there, it wouldn't be appropriate. We are LD so I'm used to getting on with things without him anyway.

The first visitor came back at the later visiting hours, he wasn't time restricted. And the other woman was sent home and he was just hanging around waiting for her.

There are occasions where visiting hour rules should be relaxed (like when my dad was dying - but he was in a private room anyway) but surely the point of visiting hours is to have the remainder as non visiting hours? I spent most of the morning crying, but I welcomed my visitors at visiting time only just like everyone else, got my support and a cuddle, and sent them away.

Discharge can take ages, maybe she'd been told she was going but didn't have the papers so her lift arrived and had to wait.

I really think you are misplacing your anger here. You don't know their reasons.

I would want an explanation as a minimum. If you're feeling exposed post surgery and you're not allowed the curtains closed, efforts should be made to make you comfortable. It wasn't visiting hours and as far as you know, nothing urgently required the men to be there with their wives at that time. I'd get in touch with PALS in the first instance.

This happened on a ward I was on this year too. It didn't bother me that much (though lots of other things did).I don't really know why the bother having set visiting hours if they don't stick to them.

So you were crying and upset and grateful for support and a cuddle, but wouldn't have had your DP there because it wouldn't have been 'appropriate'?!

I can't think of anything more appropriate than having a partner around in these circumstances. Surgery doesn't align with visiting hours.

I'm sorry to hear you're poorly and wish you a speedy recovery. However, yes would BU to complain about this.

If it makes you feel any better, they probably didn't even look at you. They'll only have been concerned with their own DPs. I do think you are being Abu. It's comforting to have someone there for you and you don't know the reasons that they e allowed in. You state that you think there are times when rules should be relaxed - this may have been one of those times for those patients. Please don't complain and possibly get nurses into trouble who've probably only tried to do something kind for someone in distress.
I think you're feeling low and vulnerable in general. I hope you feel much better soon.

YABU Some hospitals allow visitors outside visiting hours for patients with certain conditions or who have specific needs.

I've been operated on many a time and been brought back to a female only ward during visiting hours. Almost all the women in the ward had male visitors. I was there in my gown, no knickers , huge dressing across my pubic bone, catheter in, on a drip and oxygen. It didn't occur to me to be bothered about what was going on around the other beds.

I've, also, had DH stay with me until midnight because of complications in theatre. The other women didn't care.

There's a whole number of reasons why visiting hours are relaxed got some patients.

They were only visitors and I didn't think most hospitals had fixed visiting hours these days. I think you should have been able to have the - curtains drawn round your bed for privacy if you wanted. Hmm doesn't sound very satisfactory at all. But at least the visitors weren't staying the night. I draw the line there.

Perhaps some of these women were having very serious surgery such as a mastectomy? It seems very reasonable to have your partner or other significant person who may be male there for support.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I'd have hated that. Why weren't you allowed privacy immediately after surgery ffs? If they desperately needed to be there for comfort or whatever then they should have been strictly instructed to put the curtains round for the privacy of others.

I hope you feel better soon. Write down what happened whilst it's still fresh in your mind and then write a letter to the hospital afterwards.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Why have visiting hours if they are going to be ignored. I do think sometimes Medical staff just get used to being on the ward and oblivious to who's there or patients vulnerability. I remember when my Mum was on a ward and a HCP turned up to (from my pov) confront a women opposite about her recent suicide attempt and possible effect on her kids and thinking ffs there are only 5 minutes of visiting left couldn't you have waited instead of basically telling me her full personal details whilst she sits silently...

I also think UABU, in this situation I would want DH with me as much as possible. Our local hospitals have open visiting all day though so I would expect there to be visitors about. I also think its quite rare to have all female nursing staff in any speciality these days and would expect to be looked after by both male and female staff. The breast surgeons I'm under curently are both male too.

Also remember getting ready to attempt a shower after c-section and venturing out of my curtain semi-decent an hour before visiting to be met by a male waltzing into the ward, the same male who stayed til after visiting ended the night before.

Why have visiting hours if you don't enforce it?