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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to let her in?

52 replies

NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 26/08/2017 11:53

This is probably a bit outing but IDGAF really.

A few weeks ago one of my neighbours came for coffee. We were chatting about upcoming holidays and she asked who was feeding our cat. I said my ILs were and she said, oh don't be silly, I'll do it.

Now, she does have form for being a bit of a flake so in the run up I checked, double checked and triple checked she was still ok to do it. I saw her two days before we went and she said she'd pop round and get the key and I could show her where all the stuff is.

The next day I sent her a text to say we were in if she wanted to pop over. Radio silence. I called, no answer.

So then we had to ask the ILs to step in, which they were fine to do, but it meant another trip out to give them the keys and was all a bit of a faff.

(I'm getting to the point, I promise).

I posted holiday photos on FB while we were away and she 'liked' them.

She has been active on our neighbourhood group chat. Not one word has been said.

Dh wants me to just forget it as he doesn't want neighbour drama. I'd love to give her both barrels.

ANYWAY. It is our annual garden party today (not as wanky as it sounds, just an opportunity to get all our various friends together). She was invited weeks ago.

If she turns up I am so so tempted to tell her to do one. The only issue is that she will have her five kids in tow. I might let them come, the older ones anyway, and tell her she's not welcome.

WIBU? And can you think of a suitably cutting way to say it that gets my point across?

OP posts:
Trills · 26/08/2017 11:59

YWNBU to not talk to her or invite her round again.

Since this event seems to be an open house, personally I would let her come, but talk to her as little as possible.

I wouldn't find it fun or satisfying to "have it out with her". Maybe you would enjoy it.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/08/2017 12:09

When she knocks on your day say "oh hello, - what happened about you feeding the cats like you said you were going to?

Seriously, just ask her why she did it.

And let her in - but watch her like a hawk.

grandOlejukeofYork · 26/08/2017 12:10

I would say "are you here to feed the cats? You're a bit late!" Smile

INFP · 26/08/2017 12:14

Was she expecting to be paid I wonder.

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 26/08/2017 12:26

GrandOle, that is perfect.

I very much doubt she was after money, that's not her style. She has form for big and small promises that never materialise (I've had to tell DD not to hold her breath when she's promised sleepovers or days out, although some do happen).

She may not even turn up this afternoon.

OP posts:
LucieLucie · 26/08/2017 12:27

Just say "What on earth happened to you!? I thought you must have been abducted by aliens!! You disappeared???!!!! Luckily I had the feeling you were flaky and the inlaws stepped in" then say oh, must go I've got guests to attend to (close door 🚪)

missmollyhadadolly · 26/08/2017 12:29

I hope she's too embarassed to turn up.

But I wouldn't invite her to anything else.

SonicBoomBoom · 26/08/2017 12:29

No, don't make a big deal about it. She's a flake, you've learned that now. Never entertain or rely on any offer of help from her again.

Just let her come to you're party, and then say what grand says, do a tinkly laugh, and talk to someone else.

MissionItsPossible · 26/08/2017 12:31

It sounds like you're itching for a fight. Why potentially ruin an entire party (especially if she has kids with her) just to get your across that you're angry that she's flaky? Get over it and next time she offers to "help" say no.

Peppapogstillonaloop · 26/08/2017 12:31

I couldn't be bothered making a fuss about something like this. You knew she was flaky and she proved you right. I would probably say the comment as above about her being late and leave it at that..

Trollspoopglitter · 26/08/2017 12:34

You're going to look like an ass to the rest of the neighbour. She may be a flake, but you're itching for drama with an audience. Otherwise, you would have asked long ago "what happened"

Trollspoopglitter · 26/08/2017 12:35

Neighbourhood

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 26/08/2017 12:35

I think that's what I'll do.

I'm not really a drama llama, I'm very conflict averse but I just feel she's let me down too many times now for me not to say something. And this could have been a catastrophe if the ILs couldn't do it on such short notice.

OP posts:
Holidayhooray · 26/08/2017 12:36

Is this the OP and woman who said she was going to drop her five kids off at yours on your birthday BBQ?

Viviennemary · 26/08/2017 12:37

She's an unreliable time waster. But it will be water off a duck's back if you say anything. Let her into the garden party but that should be the last time you invite her to anything. But good one from Grandold.

Original poster
NormaDesmondsEyebrows · 26/08/2017 12:38

Nope, not that poster.

OP posts:
highinthesky · 26/08/2017 12:38

Yet the invitation stand and treat her as you would any other guest.

You know he to be flaky and now you have your proof. The moral victory is yours.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/08/2017 12:40

Or when she next offers say something about "Now Flakey, remember what happened when you said you'd feed the cats", and smile sweetly Grin

guiltybystander · 26/08/2017 12:42

Let her come to the party and completely ignore her throughout the whole time. I wouldn't cause a scene, I am sure you don't want drama either, just let her know by ignoring her that you don't appreciate taken for a mug. If she approaches you be polite but curt. That will do. Afterwards never seek contact with her again, let alone invite her in your house.

gamerwidow · 26/08/2017 12:47

Let her come to the party and behave as normal to her. Not fair to her kids otherwise and even though she is flaky there is no need to publicly shame her.
You know for next time that she's not reliable. If you need to talk to her about it do it another time.

gamerwidow · 26/08/2017 12:48

P.s. Ignoring her or taking her to task will cause an atmosphere and then you won't enjoy the party either.

Bluntness100 · 26/08/2017 12:53

Ask her, just say, what happened about you feeding the cats then? The least she deserves is to be made to feel uncomfortable. I probably wouldn't go further than that though.

PinkHeart5911 · 26/08/2017 12:53

If she comes I'd have to say " you must be here to feed the cats, your a bit late" and then I'd say no more about it

Louiselouie0890 · 26/08/2017 12:55

What a load of fuss over nothing

kali110 · 26/08/2017 12:56

I wouldn't invite her.
If dhe knocked id just say it was a private party and shut the door.
No drama.