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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my dh is selfish

48 replies

ElephantsYeah · 26/08/2017 10:46

For never doing anything with or for our ds unless it's been negotiated. For example I asked him to take ds to the shop this morning so I could have a shower in peace and he said "ok, but you have do his nappy and dress him". It's actually easier just to do everything myself but I don't think that's a good message for my ds. I don't know what to do because if I mention anything about this he makes me feel unreasonable.

OP posts:

Notreallyarsed · 26/08/2017 10:48

How does he make you feel unreasonable? He's a dad, why can't he change his own child's nappy and dress him? That's utterly ridiculous.

PovertyJetset · 26/08/2017 10:51

Sounds exhausting!

Just tell him to stop with the tit for tat rubbish, the baby is OUR child who we will parent together.

TheFifthKey · 26/08/2017 10:53

Ah, my exDH was a bit like this. I don't think he did it consciously but every job had to involve me somehow. And it was only little things he asked me, it would so unreasonable not to just help him out...note, he is my ex. It is easier doing it alone.

GinevraFanshawe · 26/08/2017 10:56

Do it back! Any time he asks you to do anything (including stuff like pass me the salt please etc) make it conditional on him performing a task for you, and if you can't think of a necessary task in the spur of the moment tell him to dance a jig.

CaretakerToNuns · 26/08/2017 10:57

YANBU

Typical cunt of a husband who wants to get away with doing the bare minimum.

acornsandnuts · 26/08/2017 10:58

Yes he's selfish and it will only get worse.

Do nothing for him from now on, look after yourself and Ds and let him get on with it.

missmollyhadadolly · 26/08/2017 11:04

I'm with acorn. Do nothing for the selfish twat.

And like Ginerva says, do it back to him.

These twats don't listen to reason.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2017 11:06

He's a wanker.
He's probably the sort who says "I've done the washing up FOR YOU", if he ever does it.
Or "I've taken the bins out FOR YOU".

I agree - stop doing anything for him without negotiating. Your child has 2 parents, not 1 - and he should be doing his fair share.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/08/2017 11:16

Can you get out of the house for big long periods so that he has to do stuff himself? Maybe go away for a weekend?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/08/2017 11:20

Ginerva's got it covered.

Viviennemary · 26/08/2017 11:20

It's a man thing. IMHO. Play him at his own game. I'll make the dinner if you do x.

GabsAlot · 26/08/2017 11:21

i agree start doing the same

oh im making the dinner u hav to do the shopping now

Outlookmainlyfair · 26/08/2017 11:24

Yes!

Outlookmainlyfair · 26/08/2017 11:25

As in, yes he is selfish

PovertyPain · 26/08/2017 11:26

Oh stop with the 'it's a man thing'. My dh would never have behaved in such a manner. He's a dick and I wouldn't put up with that crap!

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 26/08/2017 11:28

That's awful, has he always been like this?

What would happen if you didn't do as he asked?

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 26/08/2017 11:29

What would happen if you replied 'don't be silly, you're perfectly capable of getting your own son dressed' and then just went and did your own thing? Because one of two things could be happening here - it could be that he mistakenly things this is how co-parenting works, in which case you can have a frank conversation and hopefully move forward. The other option is that he's genuinely a lazy arse who can't ge bothered with own family, in case you'd probably be better off without him.

missiondecision · 26/08/2017 11:32

Do it back, get some excuses ready, already have your hands full, need a shit. Ignore. You have a role to play in making change as well as him.

Some people do this and some don't. It's not a man thing. My sis does this to her dh.

Fluffyunicorns · 26/08/2017 11:39

Yep - sounds like my exh - he would occasionally cook as "his spaghetti Bolognese or chilli was the best". I had to get all the ingredients, cut them up and leave them all ready in little bowls then I had to do the rice or spaghetti to accompany and then do all the washing up and clearing. He used to ask me how my night off was! Ex for a reason

Mittens1969 · 26/08/2017 11:42

My DH has been a bit like that in the past, but he does other things very well so I accept it mostly. What does annoy me, though, is that if I go shopping I'll say to him, can you get the girls up and dressed and teeth cleaned? I come back home with the shopping and they're still in their nightclothes, grrr! And of course I have to see to it then.

I would suggest that you go out and leave him on his own with DS then he'll have to change his nappy and get him dressed. (Or not, as happens with me, but you'll have had a break and a change of scene.)

You also need to stop feeling U, you're not, he is!!!

PurplePenguins · 26/08/2017 11:45

YANBU. It takes two to make a child and two to bring them up (in an ideal world). He should be doing his bit too. You said something about "I'd do it myself but what is this showing my DS" what is he showing your DS? When he is older and a dad what will he have learnt? X

Notreallyarsed · 26/08/2017 11:49

Oh stop with the 'it's a man thing'. My dh would never have behaved in such a manner. He's a dick and I wouldn't put up with that crap!

This! DP or my dad wouldn't even consider being so bloody selfish. XH and my dick of a brother on the other hand.....it's not a "man thing" it's an "arsehole thing".

highinthesky · 26/08/2017 11:51

His child, time to take equal responsibility.

Tell him you're not his conditional bitch.

amazonEcho · 26/08/2017 11:52

Typical cunt of a husband

Divorcee?

Spudlet · 26/08/2017 11:55

It's not a man thing, it's a useless fuckwit thing. There's not a man in my family who would do this.

I wish people would stop using that 'It's a man thing!' thing to excuse what is actually just plain old shitty behaviour!

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