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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move to Cornwall?

128 replies

Ansumpasty · 26/08/2017 09:24

Name change as this is very outing for me!

I have the opportunity to move to Cornwall. My parents moved there a year ago and love it and I've fallen in love with the place. I understand that summer in Cornwall differs very much from winter there but have taken this onboard and looking at the bigger picture.
DH works away most of the time and so I'm largely alone in a distant part of the UK from Cornwall. His job is based in Holland so it's irrelevant to him where we live. It is slightly more difficult for him to get flights into Cornwall but not a massive issue. I have 2 DC, one who is 6 and going into year 2 soon and one who is 3.

Having both my parents close by again will be amazing for both me and my DC and part of me feels like this is an opportunity that cannot be missed. However, AIBU to take oldest DC out of an amazing school (best in the area) where he is very settled and happy and put him in a school that might not be very good, uprooting and unsettling him incase it all comes crashing down? I am a SAHM so my job isn't an issue.

I also worry that I won't be able to get youngest DS in the same school. He will be starting reception in a year and so I will have to be applying for his place soon, which complicates things even further.

We currently live in a large city, with plenty of jobs and prospects. There is the risk that if we settle there permanently, DC will struggle getting work as adults as I'm aware work is hard to find. I'm taking giant leaps here, though! Housing is also a hell of a lot cheaper here. We will be able to afford to buy there, albeit a smaller house.

Has anyone been in this position or is from Cornwall and can offer any advice? How is it to raise children there and settle in as an outsider? How welcoming are other school parents to outsiders, especially if in a smaller village?

We are looking at the Truro/Falmouth area...is there a particular village/school that you would recommend or avoid? Forums online seem to slate Redruth but I personally don't see anything wrong with it and the houses are much more affordable.

So basically, AIBU to uproot DC's entire lives and good education at the 'chance' of a better life and grandparents around?

OP posts:
unicornsandroses · 27/08/2017 10:32

It depends really. I grew up in Cornwall and myself and all of my siblings have left for opportunities elsewhere and couldn't wait to leave Cornwall (or more specifically our home town). My parents still live there and now that I have children I love visiting them and Cornwall will always be home but I couldn't live there. I find the basic towns very depressing and there isn't a lot to do there when it is cold and raining - I would miss having everything on my doorstep, John Lewis Blush, chain restaurants, lots of activities etc. I also feel much more at home where I live now and find that much of Cornwall is very deprived and I can't relate to any of my old school friends who have remained in Cornwall doing low paid jobs with no aspirations (I don't mean that horribly, it's just we have different mindsets). The ones I am still in touch with and are like minded (went to uni mainly) have all left. Lots of kids leave though so I wouldn't base anything on that, I don't expect my kids to stay living on my street!

Cornwall is beautiful but also very bleak at times and outside of the tourist areas can be very deprived. I desperately miss the coast and could love to live closer (and the cost of houses where I live compared to what I could by in Cornwall makes my eyes water) but I also couldn't give up my life here, plus for me the schools are just not good enough and I don't want my children going to the same kind of school as I did personally.

To be fair though I'm very happy where I am and have lots of support here - if you're unhappy than what have you got to lose? There's only one thing I miss and that's doing to the beach when I'm having a shit day.

Teaonthelawn · 27/08/2017 10:55

We moved to Cornwall 14 years ago when the children were small. We found a choice of great schools at Primary and Secondary. We enjoy an outdoors lifestyle - the children swim and surf. It takes time to adjust. We live in Penwith - Bristol is 4 hours drive away, Exeter 3 hours - so limited shopping, trips to the theatre etc but I wouldn't swap.

Original poster
Ansumpasty · 27/08/2017 11:08

My head is spinning with it all!
In regards to DH's flights, it IS a pain and added expense but he's only home for a long weekend every 2 1/2- 3 weeks. He said he'd be willing to fly around the world if it meant our family is happy, which is kind.

We are very outdoor type people and spend all of the time he's home in forests/beaches/castles etc anyway so that part of it doesn't worry me. We don't drink (we sound like a massive bundle of laughs Wink) so the nightlife isn't an issue. I think I'd be fine making do with the shops in Truro and Amazon, as well as the trips home and to the NL. My anxiety flares up when DH is away, which is most of the time, and I feel so much happier while in Cornwall knowing that my parents are there if I need them.

It's mainly the school issue and how bloody awful I'd feel taking the DC out of an outstanding school and if they were crying about it, etc. I also don't want this to be just about me, it can't be a selfish decision about where i'd be happier. I was uprooted quite a lot as a kid and I would hate DC to feel lost.
We DO have everything where we live now, close to forests, beaches (albeit not quite as niceWink), massive night life scene, shops, zoos, etc etc. What we lack is a strong support system. I have friends but not the type I can call on for help and no babysitters on the odd occasion I've needed one. We have some family here but the type you see every month or two for lunch, etc.

I aplogise if I've drip fed and gone on and on!

OP posts:
hooliodancer · 27/08/2017 11:11

The rain has been a consideration for me! I have been down a lot in the last 18 months, and I think I have been lucky in that there has only been heavy rain twice. Locals say you shouldn't live on ' the spine' as there is more rain there. We have taken that into consideration when house hunting!

Mind you, it rains a lot in NL!

Roads are slower, but you just have to be careful when you set off in the summer months.

Devilishpyjamas · 27/08/2017 11:47

When it's cold and raining we head to the beach/surf or head to the moors. It's the busy sunny days that do my head in. If you're outdoorsy you won't mind the rain.

PeaFaceMcgee · 27/08/2017 11:55

It doesn't rain here significantly more than anywhere else in the SW - not that I've noticed anyway.

Good schools and outdoorsy life would point me in the direction of the Roseland Peninsula, if I had the funds. Though depends where your parents live if that's your prime motivation.

Original poster
Ansumpasty · 27/08/2017 12:22

It's the Truro/Falmouth area I'd need to be in. No point moving all the way there and not being close to them

OP posts:
Stinkycleanhouse · 27/08/2017 12:25

I would call the council first and foremost and see how likely school places are to come up in those areas.

hooliodancer · 27/08/2017 12:38

Your child will cry whatever school they leave. And then it will be forgotten! As you currently rent, it's an insecure situation anyway! Your kids will be happier with a happier mother. I went to an amazing school but had a miserable childhood because my mum was miserable. (I am not suggesting yours are having a miserable childhood at all, just trying to prove my point!)

The Exeter flights are quite good. He could get the train from there, which I would prefer to hanging around at Gatwick. I travel weekly, although I don't like the travel much I'm used to it now.

I understand what you mean about the language in Holland. Yes,everyone speaks English in the cities, but the schools are in Dutch! Two of my colleagues have given up on learning Dutch as it's too hard, and both of them are really frustrated.

PeaFaceMcgee · 27/08/2017 12:41

You can change at Gatwick or Birmingham for Newquay flights.

scaryteacher · 27/08/2017 12:47

Hoolio If school fees are in the employment package then presumably the International Schools would teach in English, as they do in Belgium.

Dutch is doable, it's like a broad Scots accent with some words. I did two years, and should have done more...it's quite like German in some respects.

hooliodancer · 27/08/2017 13:01

Not in the company I work for. People permanently relocate.

Presumably school fees would not be in the Op's husbands package as he is Dutch. I was saying I understand her not wanting to relocate to Holland.

Some people are good at languages , some not! My colleagues are both highly intelligent and both speak two languages. Dutch is not 'doable' for them.

scaryteacher · 27/08/2017 13:14

School fees seem to be part of the packages here in Brussels for many people until the five year point; I suppose it depends who you work for.

Having done the Brussels/Cornwall commute dh found it a real pain, as do I when I drive back to see my Mum who lives Devon side of the border. It gets to be a PITA only seeing each other infrequently. I coped with sea time, and weekending for 4 years on the trot at one point, but that was within the UK. The Brussels stint, whilst ds and I were still in Cornwall was the worst, and that was after almost 20 years of sea time and weekending, so it's not as if I wasn't used to coping on my own.

I decided relocating for what was supposed to be 4 years wasn't the end of the world.....still here and it gets to be more comfortable and familiar as time passes.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 27/08/2017 13:18

Please don't worry about moving them at such a young age. They may cry, but if you present it as a positive thing - moving to be near grandparents/making new friends/ buying your own home etc they will soon get over missing the old place. We had to move in the middle of reception year, due to DHs job, at that age they get over it very quickly.
Plus as someone else has said, if you are happier, they will be too.

MrsGasManridesagain · 27/08/2017 18:27

Babybythesea do you mind me messaging you about the village you're in? My brother and his wife are renting in Wadebridge and looking to buy, and your village sounds perfect for them.

Hullabaloo30 · 27/08/2017 19:15

Hi, we relocated from Bristol 4 years ago. I have 2dds aged 5 and 20 months. I agree with everything Babybythesea says. We live in East Cornwall and are both academics, so being in reach of Exeter and Plymouth is important to us. If I can be of any help, please feel free to PM me. We have found Cornwall to be very welcoming and we do not regret our decision to move one little bit.

Lucyandpoppy · 27/08/2017 19:20

I would say go for it, your parents aren't around forever. The main issue I see people say generally from moving to Cornwall is employment but as a SAHM and with your partner working oversees that doesn't seem to be an issue for you. I'd jump at the chance, Cornwall is beautiful and if you are able to have support from your parents while DH works away then that's invaluable

lotsofconfuse · 27/08/2017 19:38

Kids are adaptable, so if your 6 year olds schooling is the only issue I'd say go for it! Sooner rather than later before he's too settled though, and just in time for youngest starting full-time?

Applesandpears56 · 27/08/2017 19:38

I'm impressed that you can maintain a marriage on only seeing each other for a few days every few weeks

ShinyTamatoa · 27/08/2017 19:46

Employment can be an issue but DH and I earn around 80k between us despite growing up and living in Camborne.

And when my mortgage is £380 a month it can't be all bad!

ShinyTamatoa · 27/08/2017 19:46

Employment can be an issue but DH and I earn around 80k between us despite growing up and living in Camborne.

And when my mortgage is £380 a month it can't be all bad!

cheminotte · 27/08/2017 19:56

Sounds like you should go for it! It will benefit you, the DC and the grandparents. Really no point worrying about their employment opportunities in 15 years time!

Screwinthetuna · 27/08/2017 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babybythesea · 27/08/2017 21:41

Mrsgasman - not at all. I've messaged you.

lovetowasteitagain · 27/08/2017 21:45

Second the Devon/Cornwall border. It isn't touristy, so is the same year-round. Beautiful, great access to Plymouth/Exeter/2 hours to Bristol, close to beach, moor.. We left to be closer to family when we had kids, but I'd move back in a heartbeat.. tied to where we are for now but give it a couple of years.