Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my boys to behave better

28 replies

deliverdaniel · 26/08/2017 02:43

I have two DS's age 6 and 3 who will turn 7 and 4 next month. I am pg with DS3. They go back to school/ nursery next week. I am really struggling with their behaviour.

They are both lovely in many ways- bright, funny, lively, loving etc etc. But the two of them together with no school etc are just exhausting and I'm wondering if their behaviour is normal. They are just so wild. The only way they play together is by wild running around and shouting and making a HUGE mess. They fight explosively many times a day and DS 2 will end up hitting DS1 or smashing his lego or similar. DS2 is a real livewire and he winds DS1 up (usually DS1 on his own is much calmer) the two of them just run around and scream. Then they whine, demand my attention constantly, can't get on with anything on their own without constant monitoring and attention from me.

I praise good behaviour, give consequences for bad but there is just so much bad that it feels like they are constantly in trouble and that is not how I want to be with them. I try to give them lots of exercise but they bitterly complain about going to the park. Tbh it actually doesn't seem to make much difference to their behaviour whether they have had a chance to run around outside or not. I can run them like crazy all morning and they are still just as wild when we get home.

They can be very sweet and can enjoy drawing/ reading books/ lego etc but can't seem to do it without constant supervision. I feel as though at their ages they should be able to play reasonably harmoniously together without me for stretches of time and although I obviously don't expect them to be perfect, I feel as though they should be this naughty. Friends' kids of similar ages seem so much calmer and able to self entertain. Are my expectations unreasonably high? I can't believe we are going to add another one into the mix soon....

OP posts:
Original poster
deliverdaniel · 26/08/2017 03:00

anyone?

OP posts:
BaconAndAvocado · 26/08/2017 03:09

My DS2 is older than yours, he's almost 11 but his behaviour lately has been blooming awful too!

Ungrateful, impolite, spiteful towards his sister, rude, aggressive.......I,don't know where my lovely little boy has gone .

I know that's no help whatsoever but wanted you to know that you're not alone.

BaconAndAvocado · 26/08/2017 03:09

And YANBU to expect them to behave better.

SticksOutLikeDogsBalls · 26/08/2017 03:20

They do grow out of it. There is 11 months between DS2 and DS3 when they were about 7 and 8 we were going on a car ride and I kid you not, they had a fist fight in the car because 'he's breathing my air'....
now that they are adults I would love to be able to go back in time!

calimommy · 26/08/2017 03:33

I'm 38 weeks pregnant with DS3 and last weekend I turned to my husband and said, 'I think we might have ruined our lives by having children.' They were absolute maggots all weekend. They were 4&2 in July and I know it's hard work at this age but MY GOD they took the biscuit. Even a few days later all is forgiven. The pregnancy will be making it harder on you, I know I feel far less energetic and simply cannot walk any distance for fear or my innards falling out. I take them to the pool everyday and that helps. We hadn't been the previous week because I had decided I was too pregnant for it anymore and I think it was having an effect on them and they needed an outlet. So back we went again.
If your being consistent and fair then do t take it personally and I suspect their behaviour will improve once school recommences.
STAY STRONG! 👍

Cantseethewoods · 26/08/2017 03:40

The holidays are too long I think. Mine are always horrific the last week. That said, If my two fight physically then I impose a minimum 30 min 'time in the cooler' ( own bedrooms). Would that help? Otherwise some days it can just be endless bickering. The 30 min time out resets everything quite nicely.

Panicmode1 · 26/08/2017 03:43

I have 4 children, 3 of them boys, and my younger two are now 9 and 7, and for the most part, now get on OK. But. They need a LOT of exercise! Part of the reason we got a dog was to tire the children out - in the school holidays we have to walk for at least an hour and a half each day, so once they have run around the woods etc, they are then much calmer. It's also very hard to deal with your older children when you are pregnant - a baby and two older siblings is easier than being pregnant...and of course they are probably, consciously or otherwise, acting up a bit about the new arrival.

Hang in there, it does get easier!

MissHemsworth · 26/08/2017 03:49

Mine are the same, same ages too. It's absolutely exhausting. The house is constantly wrecked & noisy & they don't listen to a single bloody word I say. Like you they get lots of exercise/outdoor time/swimming etc but seems to make no difference, they are like feral kids! They also get punished & rewarded too but doesn't seem to make much difference! I sometimes enviously watch my niece sitting & drawing quietly by herself! Today they got bollocked by the librarian for being noisy & running about in the library (I can't tell you how many times I'd already told them - not bloody listening as usual). Yet when we went out for dinner that evening an old lady came up to our table & complimented us on what beautifully behaved children we have (mind you DH was there & they behave better with him!) I'm at my wits end! So sympathies to you OP esp as you are pregnant too!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/08/2017 04:04

Sorry, I do think it's normal, and while it's not what unreasonable to hope that they would behave better, it is possibly a little unreasonable to expect them to.

Mine are 9 and 4, soon to be 10 and 5 - and they're just the same. The little one is the usual antagonist, but the big one is not averse to provoking him to it! They can play quietly together but usually only for a maximum of half an hour before something kicks off. They both have similar tastes in tv and toys, which helps, but the moment there is any dissent then off they go again.

They do help clear up the mess, although there is resistance from the bigger one if the smaller one has made most of it; but the mess they make in the first place can be staggering!

Ds2 in particular seemed to have a loathing for open floor space - ever since he was mobile, his mission seems to be to cover every inch of floor with toys - in the early days, it wasn't even worth picking them up because he would instantly spread them around again. I'm no martyr to housework so it was easier to just leave it!

They have got better as they've got older, and the small one is quite able to play by himself while the big one is at school; but together they are quite hard going.

I'm sure they'll grow out of it eventually.

MrsOverTheRoad · 26/08/2017 04:05

they were absolute maggots all weekend

Grin Sorry but this from CaliMommy made me laugh properly.

Maggots!

OP it's pretty normal...my DC have a similar age difference and it's only now they're 9 and 12 that things are calmer. The younger one has matured more and knows how to get the best from her sister.

Moominmamma5 · 26/08/2017 06:07

I could have written this apart from the pregnant part my children are also 3 and 6.I think boredom has a lot to do with it with my two boys.
I also have to say playing in their own rooms for a while does see to improve their behaviour. My husband has been in hospital the entire school holidays so it's been extra hard this year.No family summer holidays due to his health.
My boys are much better behaved playing outside or when taken out on trips.
I feel for you being pregnant too.
Love the maggots comment.

donajimena · 26/08/2017 06:14

Oh I could have written this post every summer holiday for around 5 years. I have a two year gap between my boys and for the last 3 years I have actively looked forward to the school holidays. Mine are 12 and 14 now. Even though I work its only me I have to worry about getting ready in the morning and they just loll around unless going out with their friends.
It definitely sounds normal but they will grow out of it

donajimena · 26/08/2017 06:15

moomin I'm sorry to hear your husband is so unwell and hope he's ok x

Therealslimshady1 · 26/08/2017 06:15

It is a tough age!

My boys needed hours and hours of running around outside, and quite a lot of structure.... I was planning to.be bohemian laid back arty mum, but became military drill sergeant mum Wink

We still do long walks at weekends, they are now 12 and 14 Grin

Moominmamma5 · 26/08/2017 06:55

Thanks donajemina he is having chemo so he is quite poorly.Hopefully next year's summer holidays will be much better for us!

donajimena · 26/08/2017 07:00

Oh moomin how tough for you all. I also hope next years holidays are much much better Flowers

MrsDc7 · 26/08/2017 07:03

Well mine are 3 and 5 and I could also have written your post (apart from the pregnant part - thank god Grin). My boys are exactly the same... okay nicely for about ten minutes and then there is murder over the most ridiculous things - usually the younger one not 'PLAYING THE GAME RIGHT!' Hmm It is absolutely exhausting and the holiday's just exacerbate that. I am really hoping they grow out of it. They are lovely on their own by when they're together they turn into wild children! You're not alone Flowers

MrsDc7 · 26/08/2017 07:03

That should say play nicely

Mol1628 · 26/08/2017 07:06

Mine are 2 and 4 and they're generally awful too. Constant fighting. These holidays have been bloody hard. See other thread about wishing we didn't have children!!
But I do think it's normal. I try and get them out as much as possible, they're like dogs, need so much exercise!

nutbrownhare15 · 26/08/2017 07:07

How To Talk So Little Kids will listen is designed for 7s and under and has really helped with my 2 year old. Explains why praise and consequences are often ineffective and what to do instead. I've read a fair few parenting book and it's the most accessible I've come across. A specific section on siblings too.

Cailleach666 · 26/08/2017 07:14

Do you plan their activites?

I found that when my kids were bored then misbehaviour would sometimes set in.

I would set up something for them to do for an hour or so which helped them focus.

venys · 26/08/2017 07:14

I am sure it's boys. I think it's their nature to egg each other on. We have the same in this house although I think we may have tired the 4 year old out this week. This year we have had a toddler in the mix who has her own free will. So especially hard these holidays!!

endofthelinefinally · 26/08/2017 07:18

I think the park can get boring towards the end of the school holidays.
Do you have an alternative outdoor space near you?
I know it is difficult as you are pregnant.
Can their dad take them a bit further afield today?
I used to run mine off their feet in the morning then separate them in the afternoon.
Also swapping them round helps a lot.
If you have friends with dc the same age you can either double up at your house or theirs, or one parent takes 2 of the same age each. It alters the dynamics and everybody wins.

JMJ1 · 26/08/2017 07:24

I've got four (10-1.5, 2 boys, 2 girls). Generally well-behaved but they go through phases where some or all kick off and life isn't very fun. I become ogre mum and rein them right in so split them up (or remove the one causing problems) and if they're trashing their toys I say they're only allowed pencil and paper. They soon change their behaviour. Will also really make a thing of treating the well-behaved ones.

whiteroseredrose · 26/08/2017 08:03

This made me nostalgic! Good friend had 4 boys under 5. She said it was like having dogs, they needed LOTS of exercise. So runs in the park or on the beach at least twice a day. Absolutely delightful teenagers now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread