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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drink yourself to death ....

41 replies

Jad234 · 25/08/2017 09:04

My cousin had always liked a drink from a early age (17) he would drink a lot.
Wine,spirits etc etc
Age 33 he was diagnosed with liver disease and he was told to never drink again or next time he would be leaving the hospital in a box.
He had a varcies bleed and was given beta blockers and a blood transfusion (apparently the liver problems caused the bleed)
He stopped drinking for 8 months,the yellowing of his skin went away a bit and he felt good.
He started drinking again ...for 1 year he was out most nights.
Boxing Day this year we get a phone call he has died aged 35.
He had a bleed from a varcies and bled to death.
Utterly heartbroken ..
His mum had never left the house for 3 years,they told us she had problems with her legs.
Went in hospital in May and she died.
Then we were told she had died from liver disease too (she drank 3 bottles of wine a night plus spirits)
Now my other cousin (46) has also being diagnosed with liver disease due to alcohol abuse and is having fits with epilepsy.
I'm scared the same will happen to him,he refused counselling.
He is depressed over death of his brother and mum.
Why are they doing this to themselves ..
Waste of a life.

OP posts:
buddhasbelly · 25/08/2017 09:08

Hi OP,

I'm sorry to read your post, it sounds awful. Alcoholism is a disease that needs ongoing management to stop relapsing, it is a hard journey to make.

There is Al Anon for families of alcoholics if you want RL support.

Flowers
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 25/08/2017 09:08

Alcoholism has a strong genetic factor, sadly - it does tend to run in families.

It's terribly sad that you've lost - and are potentially losing - so many family members to cirrhosis. It's a truly dreadful disease Flowers

Original poster
Jad234 · 25/08/2017 09:14

They were such nice people too as is my eldest cousin.
Would do anything for anyone,funny.
My youngest cousin had a trial with Manchester Utd when he was 17 and they wanted to take him to the academy but he chose to stay home and the drinking started.
Wish he had went now,life could of been so different.

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 25/08/2017 09:16

Uncle died of drink and smoking related diseases.

Aunt followed with smoking related diseases.

Cousin died from drink, smoking and drugs shortly after Aunt.

Once someone presses the self-destruct button, there's nothing that can be done, except withdraw before they take you with them.

Original poster
Jad234 · 25/08/2017 09:18

So sorry to hear that.
It's so sad

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 25/08/2017 09:20

We saw this with an in-law. It was like watching someone committing slow suicide. Everyone knew what the end result would be but the addiction was too strong for them to beat.
Flowers

NormaSmuff · 25/08/2017 09:21

Can I saw, this is worse for loved ones looking on, they pressed the self destruct button Flowers and the loved ones are left behind

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 25/08/2017 09:21

People are starting to drink younger and younger nowadays. The youngest person I personally know of to develop alcohol-related cirrhosis was 13 years old. That's almost incomprehensible, isn't it?

Neutrogena · 25/08/2017 09:29

It is what it is.
Addiction is a horrible disease that makes others sick too.

Al Anon for you my love Flowers

BR62Y · 25/08/2017 09:39

Sympathies. My dad died of alcohol related problems, my mum is an alcoholic with terrible health issues, my grandad was alcoholic too. It does run in families. I have been a big drinker in the past but stopped completely two years ago and don't miss it at all now.

Madonna9 · 25/08/2017 09:39

I'm sorry to hear your sad story. Flowers

shamoffour · 25/08/2017 09:45

My dad died in exactly the same way. He had a bleed was told the next one would kill him and it did. It's a horrible addiction. I'm sorry you are going through this.
The hold is so strong I'm sorry to say I don't think there is anything you can do to help unless they are ready to stop.
I begged my dad, I was his only child and he was only 49 when he died nothing I said made a difference.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/08/2017 09:46

I worry for those that are young now.
I don't drink. Even one 1/2 tsp of something alcoholic can render me unable to drive.

DD and ds don't drink either but when they go to parties young people who are not out of their teens are drinking vodka or gin or whisky what I would consider to be old peoples drinks.
I know when I was young many years ago (1970s) if you were young you either drank a soft drink. (Blackcurrant juice was 4p) or 1/2 a bitter or lager. That is all you could afford. Only those that I considered old (45+) drank gin or vodka with orange juice or tonic water and whisky drinkers were those usually were old men in their 60s.

If people are on spirits so young it does make you wonder what damage they are doing to themselves. After all these people today are not nursing a glass of vodka they are drinking it like it was lemonade.

Girlfrommars77 · 25/08/2017 09:48

I'm so sorry Flowers

It may be helpful for you to talk to someone (as a family member going through this) and Al Anon is a good starting point, or your GP for advice if you find that easier.

lovemylover · 25/08/2017 09:52

So sorry to read this and sorry for your losses
There is help out there but of course people have to want it
My son asked for help, and was referred to a detox centre, he was there for 10 days, then he was referred to rehab ,where he is at the moment, for 3 months,
I am really proud of him for getting help
He was drinking 3-4 bottles of wine a day, and even though family had pleaded with him to stop, he kept saying he could do it on his own, he realised eventually he couldnt,,
Rehab is hard, but i hope he can carry on getting help after he coes out,
A friend went to rehab, but still goes to AA meetings,
Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic,
My sons drinking started after he was stabbed by someone he didnt know, his girlfriend at the times ex,
There was no figting or anything like that,the ex broke into the girls house,and just lunged at him with a kitchen knife
I hope someone can persuade your cousin to get help

Namechangetempissue · 25/08/2017 09:53

I'm so sorry OP, what a dreadful and heartbreaking situation.
I don't drink at all after seeing the collapse of several peoples lives following alcoholism. The addiction is just so severe.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 25/08/2017 09:55

If people are on spirits so young it does make you wonder what damage they are doing to themselves.

If we're talking about teens here, the only thing they have on their side is youth - the liver is still an immature organ at this age, it hasn't finished developing, and spirits can cause a lot of damage. The 13 year old I mentioned upthread was at end stage - she only survived because her liver was able to recover to some extent. It's still permanently damaged though, she may well end up needing a transplant in the future.

She was 11 when she started knocking cheap white cider back in the park. Then it was vodka. Fucking ELEVEN YEARS OLD.

Serialweightwatcher · 25/08/2017 09:56

So very sorry for your loss - so hard for you ... it probably runs in this family because being young they probably saw that's how people deal with their problems and learned from it and then got addicted .. all you can do is try to talk to him and tell him how much you care Flowers

ASauvingnonADay · 25/08/2017 09:56

He is depressed over death of his brother and mum .Why are they doing this to themselves

You've answered your own question. So sad OP. It really is a terrible and family destroying affliction.

MrsOverTheRoad · 25/08/2017 10:01

OP it is heartbreaking. :( So many people do it.

Nomoreboomandbust · 25/08/2017 10:02

So sorry op Flowers

Thankyou for posting this because alcohol can creep up on you in a very insidious way.

Dh and I have to control our drinking by having 3/4 alcohol free days a week and it's hard because a glass of wine has always been our relax time after the kids were in bed.

We have 5 children and the youngest now 18 pointed out we were drinking too much, real wake up call. Our older two kids like a drink but they too don't drink mon to fri after we cut down and our other 3 kids rarely drink.

I think recent reports say that it's the older people so 40 plus who are drinking more than younger ones now which is good news I suppose.

By the way there was nothing you could do to save them love.

gingerbreadmam · 25/08/2017 10:05

so sorry op. i lost mil to the same thing. it is a horrible horrible illness which completely alters a persons personality and can't be reckoned with.

My dp loves a drink,i don't get it. i mean i like a bottle of wine dont get me wrong but his drinking is on another level when he starts.

MotherofSausage · 25/08/2017 10:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

e1y1 · 25/08/2017 10:16

It's horrific and sorry for your loses Flowers.

It's an awful addiction (like any addiction is really).

I have had experience of family members with Alcoholism, and as much as you want to help and make them see what they are doing is killing them, it is impossible to do.

It has become a bit of a cliche now, but as bad as you may feel, remember the 3 c's - You didn't cause this, you can't control this, you can't cure this.

Longtime · 25/08/2017 10:21

My BIL is an alcoholic. He won't admit it but we all know it. He now can't walk and has drunk all his money away. The family have all but given up on him because he gets verbally aggressive when anyone mentions alcohol. His ID card is out of date (we live in Belgium) so he can't get financial help from anywhere. I'm trying to get his paperwork sorted out with the help of his ex-wife, as that he is ok with admitting he needs doing, but I think it's all going to be for nothing in the end. So sad.