Am I a nasty person, or is this just human?

[LittleTree1]

I am feeling really low tonight, mainly because if I'm honest the sense of satisfaction I feel at someone else's mis-fortune. So I have this mixture of slight happiness, versus massive guilt.
4 years ago we were finally bullied, sadly there is no other word for it, out of a family business we'd put a lot of money, time and effort into to build and grow. It was very persistent, strengthened over time and nasty, involving our children and putting huge strain on our marriage. We left, it cost my husband his job and career, it cost us our home, it nearly bankrupted us and put us under huge emotional strain. We walked away on own accord in the end (legally we couldn't be forced out) but we were so deeply unhappy about the behaviours (emotional, passive aggressive and on occasion violent) of others that we left. At the time we tried to resolve, we tried to sort it out but it was made crystal clear that we either put up with the horrendous behaviours of two family members, or leave. We worked very hard, my husband started a new business from scratch, I returned to full time work (we then had a toddler and baby), we managed to get enough to buy a house this year etc - now we are very, very happy, settled and all good. We've not had any contact with family since.

I recently learnt that the family members we left because of, are now complaining and seeking legal action within the business because they feel 'bullied' by other family members. I felt smug, and my first thought was 'what comes around, goes around'. But then I had to really reflect on this, as actually what type of person does that make me? We went through hell, and now I'm happy that is happening to someone else???? When is it crossing the line, when am I like them? It sort of shocked me a bit how strongly I felt about it, how much anger it stirred up that they are now complaining about it - they are outraged by the fact someone isn't being nice to them. I do think i am being unreasonable, really I need to let it all go, look forwards not back!! Is this a normal reaction?

I think it's pretty normal. I don't think you're nasty to think like that when they've been so horrible to you

Yes, you're only human, I should think it's totally normal!

But you are obviously a nice person to realise that being pleased by other people's misfortune isn't great - but seeing how much you've been through, it's completely understandable. In fact you'd have to be a bit of a saint not to have at least a small gloat.

Maybe now is the time to let it all go and look forward as you say.

Nope perfectly human, Germans have a word for it, schadenfreude.

You would be a veritable saint not to feel something approaching glee. They sound like they put you and yours through the wringer, so don't waste any more time worrying that you are a bad person. They got their comeuppance. Have a quiet chuckle and then move on.

I also have think that "what goes around comes around" you're human, we all take satisfaction when someone who hurts us gets their comeuppance, give yourself a break and good luck for the future

I think it's a very normal reaction on your part. The biggest thing about your reaction is the fact that you have been able to reflect on it, you seem pretty self aware and many people are lacking in that. That in itself proves what a decent person you actually are.

I think that karma is a bitch and if you didn't do anything to cause it, there is nothing wrong in feeling a little bit glad that they are getting a taste of their own medicine.

Obviously if you throw a massive party to celebrate then you have issues

I think it is completely normal to feel how you are feeling, As the saying goes what goes around comes around, I am a big believer in treat others how you'd like to be treated.
They treated you and your DH appallingly, and put you both though hell, and now they are experiencing what it is like to feel how you must've been feeling at that time.

Nope perfectly human, Germans have a word for it, schadenfreude.
Thats whay I was thinking.

Karma is a bitch.

But then I had to really reflect on this, as actually what type of person does that make me?

Well, you're not Jesus, Ghandi, Malala or Martin Luther King.

As long as you can live with not being quite as saintly as them, I think you should stop tormenting yourself and enjoy the schadenfreude accept that you are only human.

Yep, normal. Your feelings are still raw, so them getting a karmic boot up the ring will make you smile. Hopefully you'll heal with more time and feel nothing much about it in future. I use that as my benchmark for having gotten over something: that I don't care either way.

Sounds normal to me. I'd feel the same.

Glad you're happy and out of it all x

No you shouldn't feel like this, but hell yes who wouldn't!!!

Karma!

First of all, it's not just "someone else" it's the very people who remorseless put you through the same hell. It's not unnatural to feel vindicated and a little vengeful about that.
Second of all, it's not YOU who has put them in this position. They did it to themselves. Karma indeed.

Third, if you were truly "as bad as them" you wouldn't be questioning yourself. Do you suppose THEY did when they were selfishly and remorselessly persecuting you?

If you were responsible for their current miseries (And few would blame you) then maybe you'd be as bad. But you aren't.
A sense of satisfaction that they are now getting as bad as they gave does not make you a bad person.
Ease up on yourself

Of course this is a normal human reaction! You were bullied and it nearly cost you everything. Now the bully is getting a taste of their own medicine. It is Karma. Anyway the fact that you are unsettled by your reaction proves what a decent person you are. Look to your life and happy future. Good luck.

I went through hell at work - the victim of malicious whistleblowing. My manager, who could and should have had my back threw me under the bus to save herself. I was signed off sick with depression for months, then I left.

About a year after I left, I found out she had been made redundant. Now, on the one hand redundancy is an awful and stressful thing to go through. I've seen it wreck lives. On the other hand, ahahaha. Ahahaha. And once more for luck Mwahahahaha. Dreadful, cowardly woman got what she deserved.

You're human. A horrible thing happened to you and even though things have improved, you're still angry and hurt. Pretty normal I'd say. Recognise it, allow it, move on. The best revenge really is a life well lived.

Catholic monks say Don't do anything in anger. It's acceptable to think bad thoughts, but not to act upon them. So, as one PP said, it's OK to smile but whatever you do, don't throw a massive party.

Totally normal

Still hope my ex-dh's knob falls off

And you need 🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫

But then I had to really reflect on this, as actually what type of person does that make me? We went through hell, and now I'm happy that is happening to someone else????

But it's not 'someone else'. It's a pair of what sound like absolute bastards who thoroughly had it coming and sound as if they could do with being taught a sharp lesson.

Don't worry about it OP.

Family businesses do end in disaster from time to time. I don't think you should feel guilty for being smug about them. they're getting what they deserve.

Laurie
Op you're human as others have said now go and high five you're dh. Seriously I'd fans it very hard to have a shred of sympathy for those who had put myself and my family through that.

My ex's life is like a bad soap opera, just when I think that's it, he's hit as low as it can go, someone else tells me his latest troubles.
I sit back and shake me head with amazement.

These people were not nice to you, starting over and making a go of your life is an amazing accomplishment, your allowed to feel smug, they have just got a taste of natural justice.

LittleTree1

relish the Company and people you manager to escaped...

You're perfectly human. Please don't feel guilty about thinking this way.

Out of interest, are you, by any chance, the poster whose husband worked on the family farm? If so, I'm glad to hear about you and that you got out. Have wondered about you often. If not, just ignore this!