Am I a nasty person, or is this just human?

[LittleTree1]

I am feeling really low tonight, mainly because if I'm honest the sense of satisfaction I feel at someone else's mis-fortune. So I have this mixture of slight happiness, versus massive guilt.
4 years ago we were finally bullied, sadly there is no other word for it, out of a family business we'd put a lot of money, time and effort into to build and grow. It was very persistent, strengthened over time and nasty, involving our children and putting huge strain on our marriage. We left, it cost my husband his job and career, it cost us our home, it nearly bankrupted us and put us under huge emotional strain. We walked away on own accord in the end (legally we couldn't be forced out) but we were so deeply unhappy about the behaviours (emotional, passive aggressive and on occasion violent) of others that we left. At the time we tried to resolve, we tried to sort it out but it was made crystal clear that we either put up with the horrendous behaviours of two family members, or leave. We worked very hard, my husband started a new business from scratch, I returned to full time work (we then had a toddler and baby), we managed to get enough to buy a house this year etc - now we are very, very happy, settled and all good. We've not had any contact with family since.

I recently learnt that the family members we left because of, are now complaining and seeking legal action within the business because they feel 'bullied' by other family members. I felt smug, and my first thought was 'what comes around, goes around'. But then I had to really reflect on this, as actually what type of person does that make me? We went through hell, and now I'm happy that is happening to someone else???? When is it crossing the line, when am I like them? It sort of shocked me a bit how strongly I felt about it, how much anger it stirred up that they are now complaining about it - they are outraged by the fact someone isn't being nice to them. I do think i am being unreasonable, really I need to let it all go, look forwards not back!! Is this a normal reaction?

I think it's quite a normal initial reaction to horrible people that bullied. Poetic justice. The fleeting thought that they now know how it feels. It doesn't make you an awful person. It makes you human. The fact you have reflected upon the direction of your thoughts and know It's better not to dwell on things speaks volumes.

Still hope my ex-dh's knob falls off

If we ever do have a zombie apocalypse, I'm using one ex boyfriend as bait. Of course this is bad. Bad, bad me.

But oh it would be tempting.

Similar situation myself tonight OP. Cheers 🥂🥂 You are compassionate to consider the other side though.

Sounds like a very dysfunctional family.

Totally normal
Still hope my ex-dh's knob falls off

It's posts like this that make me love Mumsnet. 😆

OP, it's not nice to feel gleeful about someone else's misfortune but it is completely normal and understandable. At least you are being honest about your feelings and not trying to pretend they are anything other than what they are. If you are feeling generous you could possibly persuade yourself that you are glad it's happened as it will teach them to be better people which will lead them to be happier etc etc. I'm sure you can put a spin on it somehow.

Perfectly normal. We are not saints.

Totally normal mix of conflicted emotions - life isn't straightforward, neither are our reactions to it.

It's nice that you feel some empathy towards the people who are going through what you once went through, even though they were absolute bastards to you. Shows your a better person than you think - it would be totally natural to rub your hands with glee and not give them a second thought

DudeHatesHisCarryOut

I wondered that too, but I seem to remember that was still going on last year and this OP says they left the family business 4 years ago...

I'm very happy for you because often it seems that Karma doesn't exist.

Hopefully those suffering this time will realise how their previous behaviour affected your family.

I haven't read anything other than your opening post so it might have been mentioned.

Everyone has these types of thoughts but the difference between you and the genuinely horrible people is

1, you recognise these thoughts are not nice and that actually don't really belong in your head in your new life

2, you are not going to do anything about these thoughts like rubbing it in their faces or gossip about them or posting on social media about karma etc.

You were treated very badly and I'm glad your family has managed to forge a new life.

Dude I think I know the farming thread you're thinking of, we're not them, but very, very similar story!

Perfectly natural.

People often say they don't fight things and let karma bite their aggressors on the arse.

For many it's hypothetical but you've had the RL version.

Yeah, I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt about being pleased when fuckwits get their comeuppance.

So, you're definitely a better person than me, if that helps!

As far as I see it, feeling that someone unkind has deservedly received a lesson in irony is in no way comparable to actively bullying someone.

I'm glad that you have done ok for yourselves after what sounds an awful time.
It is ok to feel like this, as others have said.
I'm a great believer in Karma, it serves them right!
Resist the temptation to throw a party as others have said, but a wry grin to yourself is perfectly in order!
I hope that things continue to go well for you.

Yes this is normal. You wouldn't be human otherwise. Don't stress about it.

Totally normal
I did a little happy dance when the ow my ex left me for walked out on him leaving him bereft. He told me in person and it took all of my might not to grin like a Cheshire Cat!

It was a long time coming, but fuck me it felt good

Also they almost completely fucked up your life. I wouldn't have restrained myself from hurrying up good old karma. But then I'm a bitter old hag

It's totally normal. Life so often isn't fair but it's important that every now and then some cosmic fairness breaks out, otherwise there would be no point in teaching our children to behave nicely and why it's important.

I live in the USA currently and honestly I think Trump is the result of a society where bad behaviour is not punished and too much unfairness in society is the result. The voters have a massive sense of unfairness and anger and so voted for the candidate who promised (lied) that he would shake things up. So cosmic retribution is actually good for society and helps us keep faith in the better angels of our nature! Hows that for a justification for your schadenfreude!

First of all congratulations on having put your life together again. Second of all, you really would have to be a saint not to get some enjoyment out this. You didn't have anything to do with their coming unstuck, so nothing to feel guilty about.

If they were to come to you asking for a hand-out, then your saintliness would be sorely tried.

I'd say you're ok - you spotted it and it gave you pause.

You're human.

Also you're acknowledging your feelings and reflecting on them. So no, you're not like them.

It sounds like you have come out the other side with quite a healthy perspective. Well done! Onwards and upwards now?

Yep Schadenfreude!

Unless you're facing on their car roof with a HA HA banner, you're perfectly entitled to feel a little inner satisfaction.
I'm glad you have come through the other side so well too

I'd be cracking open the fizz and basking in their misery. I probably have issues but I love it when really shitty people come unstuck. Have a good gloat, OP.

Unless you're facing on their car roof with a HA HA banner, you're perfectly entitled to feel a little inner satisfaction
Oooh, I rather like the idea of a "ha ha" banner on the fuckers' cars

Totally normal. Enjoy it, its payback time