Dh, going out on my birthday

[ThereIsTooMuchConfusion]

Dh goes out every Thursday to sport in a pub type thing. Today is my birthday. He has been at work until 6. He asked if it's still ok to go out, I said I don't mind, he left at 1930 so seen him for an hour an a half. We have no other plans for my birthday and had no plans for tonight.

After he left and I looked at all the shit that needs clearing up after dinner and general day with kids and had to bath put kids to bed. I feel a bit upset that he still went out. But then I guess I am being unreasonable because he did ask me if it was ok. But I feel like it's lame to ask him to stay home.

We have been together 17 years so I guess it's not that big a deal it's just another birthday. Kids are currently fighting up stairs about nonsense when they should be asleep and I'm irritatingly feeling sorry for myself!! Which I really fucking hate. I need mumsnetters to pull me together, please??

Going to sort kids out them back in their own rooms etc

Just remember how you are feeling tonight when you are thinking about planning something for his birthday.

Happy Birthday.

OH wouldn't think twice about me going out on his birthday as it's just another day to him but I always try and do something to mark the day when it's mine.

Hope you can plan something for the weekend.

He shouldn't have asked. He knows you, he knows you're nice enough that you'd say yes, and he took advantage of that to do what he wanted. It's shit of him.

Bugger the trip out or date.

I would be arranging a birthday meal with friends at the weekend while he stays at home and looks after the kids.

He shouldn't have asked.

Happy birthday. I'm sorry but I'd be beyond angry. On his birthday don't even ask- just go out x

🍹🍹. Happy Birthday 🎈🎁🎉

YANBU. It's horrible that he asked you if it was ok to go out. He should want to spend your birthday with you & he should want to make it as nice as he can for you. Not leave sorting the kids & the house out & piss off out playing darts or whatever. I'd be really upset that I meant so little to him that he'd think that was ok.

That's pretty crap really, no wonder you are not pleased.

It was selfish of him not to put his regular plans on hold and spend some special time with you on your birthday. How hard would it have been for heavens sake?
And then to guilt trip you into saying that he could go out, he sounds quite emotionally manipulative.

Next year, plan well ahead for your Birthday, book a meal out for instance, and tell him what will be expected of him.

Have a nice birthday evening, maybe & {cake]

Stop being so considerate of his needs and freedom. Please ask him directly for what you want and insist on it. I would be so upset if my partner did this. Why did he not think of you, in this instance?

That is crap, you need a conversation with him when he gets home.

I always take control of my own birthday and plan what I want to do myself.
It's shit that your DH didn't do anything special for you but next year plan the day yourself and tell him what's happening

I've never understood why grown adults make a fuss over the day they were born every year. I can understand it with children but surely people grow out of this. I know I did. The day and month upon which you were born comes round every year without fail.Everyone and everything gets born on a certain day.
It's just a date on the calender that is all, same with New Years Eve. I mean what a fuss about nothing we've had a new year every since time began.
Seriously what is the point?

Clearly no point for you Bluedecor but obviously important to OP. Shocker: different people prioritise different things.

Yeah go out with other people on Sat and leave dh with kids. My dh is bad bit be wouldn't leave me to sorry kids bedtime out on my birthday even if we weren't going out.

OP, you have to tell them. You have to say what you want.

I insist on having a fuss made for my birthday.

BlueDecor

While in principle I agree with you, I hardly think leaving his wife to wash up and put his kids to bed while he goes to the pub is considerate behaviour.

OH and I have very low key birthdays, but that does include some heartfelt and considerate actions.

The OP is not looking for her OH to have a brass band and surprise party up his sleeve, just some acknowledgement that it is her birthday.

And if that is important to her and he loves her then he would want to make her day a little nicer surely?

I think this has been a bit shit but I don't think it is beyond saving.

Tell him the truth, you weren't bothered but after he had gone you felt a real sense of anticlimax so would like to do something to celebrate belatedly and organise something together for this weekend or another time you can get a babysitter.

He's a prat for asking in the first place but also not psychic. If it wasn't ok for him to go out, you should've said.

What did you do on his birthday? If you stayed in and did nothing special then YABU to expect any different. If you made a big fuss and treated him then you have every right to have a major strop when he gets in.

not psychic. If it wasn't ok for him to go out, you should've said.

No I don't agree.

I set up a surprise meal with all our mates. But then again I wasn't expecting that for me. Birthdays are a nice time to feel a bit special and feel loved, but i wasn't expecting anything special just a cosy night snuggled on settee would've been fine.
I do agree with blue decor about New Years though totally don't see the point in it. So just need to train myself on feeling the same for my birthday! THat would have saved me feeling like this.

Thanks for all the happy birthdays

Happy birthday!

I'd be upset too. Go out with your friends at the weekend and leave the kids with him.

If you haven't done the clearing up yet, don't.

He should have made more of an effort to ensure you enjoyed your birthday. You should not have said you don't mind him going out.

It is not lame to expect your husband to want to spend your birthday evening with you rather than his sport mates. It is not lame to resent being left with all the cleaning up while he goes out to enjoy himself on your birthday.

Let this be your wake up moment. Stop being the "cool" wife and insist on some respect and consideration and attention and care.

* I've never understood why grown adults make a fuss over the day they were born every year. I can understand it with children but surely people grow out of this. I know I did. The day and month upon which you were born comes round every year without fail.Everyone and everything gets born on a certain day.*

• It's just a date on the calender that is all, same with New Years Eve. I mean what a fuss about nothing we've had a new year every since time began. Seriously what is the point*

You're clearly very much in the minority!!!

OP, he was bang out of order!

Happy birthday!

I feel so sorry for you, this is rubbish! You had to tell him what you wanted as a gift, and he hadn't planned anything special to celebrate it with you then wanted to go out without you. He sounds really selfish. Sorry OP. I hope he secretly has a lovely surprise planned for you and this is just a wind up.